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  #1  
Old 09-08-2010, 09:00 AM
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TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
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Default He can't seem to do this right... Am I unreasonable?

My boyfriend is seeing a new girl and he has been neglecting my feelings, making me feel left out and not even giving me the comfort of our routines.
We've had a lot of long talks over it and the other day I thought i made it pretty clear that I expect him to pay attention to me like he usually does. I named specifically spending time with me after work and the alone time we have after my husband has gone to bed.
Well, last night my husband and I went to a hotel to get away for a couple nights and my boyfriend asked me if it was okay with me if he saw the girl. It's caused a lot of problems lately so he's been asking my permission, which I will not deprive him of, it's not my way. So, they payed for a hotel room themselves and stayed the night there.

We have said good night to each other every night for the past 2 years. Last night he forgot... Just forgot. There have been other times I have been with my husband away and my boyfriend still at least texts me good night or calls for a minute. ... I just don't understand, even with the NRE, how he could forget such a thing. ... I texted him before I went to bed, but he was already asleep.

I cried last night because of this, and ha a hard time getting to sleep. When I talked to him about it he had all these excuses that just don't excuse anything. I had to ask him specifically if he had sex and just fell asleep, which is the ONLY excuse I would accept. He hesitated before saying yes... He ALWAYS seems to think that the things I need to hear the most are going to be the things to hurt me the most, so he won't say them.
So, again he comes to the conclusion that he just shouldn't see her because he can't do this right.
I don't want him to not see her. I just want him to not forget about me in the process.

Am I being unreasonable?

On a side note, why does everything go wrong at once? This new thing of his is really hurting me... then my computer craps out last night and needs replaced, and my glasses just broke today. LOL
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:01 AM
RGee91 RGee91 is offline
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Is this his first other girlfriend since you started dating? He may just be feeling NRE for the first time while still being in a relationship and not really knowing how to balance his time and emotions yet. You have every right to still want him to give you the same affection as always, not unreasonable at all. But if this is new to him, I'd suggest just try not to take his NRE personally for now, I'm sure he's trying his best
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:11 AM
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candi candi is offline
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my husband was forgetting about me a little, and I had to tune him up about it...and now things are good. I think we all, tend to get really excited about NRE, when going through it. I also think it's a time of crazy thinking, where you can't function normally. Seems as this is quite normal, a phase we go through, try to enjoy it...those emotions will pass Candi
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Old 09-08-2010, 04:20 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Short answer ? Yes, totally unreasonable.

He forgot once in two years, and you are riding his ass over it ? How about you show a little compassion, and acknowledge the fact that you had a damn good streak, and how great it was that you went 2 YEARS .

If he started forgetting even 3 out of 7 days a week, that would be the time to ask what is going on, and see if its just NRE, or it could simply be him learning how to juggle and manage time....

It`s called a transition. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Crying over it, seems like manipulative behaviour. Especially to cry, then state you will only 'accept' one excuse.

I read your other posts. For someone who wants to disassociate herself from any 'stereotypical female behavior' this is in total contrast to your objectives.



Since this all probably sounds harsh, here is a small gentle reminder; You know how things become routine and not as meaningful when they are forced ?
If you were to get flowers everyday, because it was a expectation on your part, would it mean as much to you, as to receive them from free will ?

Don`t be so afraid of losing something, that you jump at every minor difference. Clutching to hard just tends to choke the life out of a relationship.
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Old 09-08-2010, 04:39 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
Don`t be so afraid of losing something, that you jump at every minor difference. Clutching to hard just tends to choke the life out of a relationship.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today
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Old 09-08-2010, 04:40 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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You are welcome MBG. We all need the reminder sometimes. No one is immune !
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  #7  
Old 09-08-2010, 11:37 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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What's "right", "reasonable", and what you want in a relationship aren't the same things. Don't worry about "doing it right" or "being unreasonable". Just ask for what you want (in this case, a nightly text), and your partner then gets to agree or not. If he doesn't agree, or agrees and then fails to come through, reevaluate the relationship. But it's not about what is right or reasonable outside of your individual relationship.
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Old 09-08-2010, 11:41 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It's unreasonable to expect someone else to be a mind-reader.
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  #9  
Old 09-09-2010, 01:34 PM
LoveLeigh LoveLeigh is offline
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Well, To answer the question you posed, in plane words: in this specific situation you were unreasonable. I'm seeing a tendancy over-all to think of jealousy as some complex base emotion when it's really fear. Fear makes a person CRAZY. Out-right bonkers, dude...

So you acted/ are acting nuts (I'm a little concerned about the asking permission bit...) I deal with something like this too, you say goodnight, my hubby & I shower. I get REALLY cranky if I can't see him nekkers with water all over. So this is US time no matter what; visitors are fun but he & I do this (& a couple other things,) at least 2-3 times a week.

Sitting down with the b/f & saying: "I know I'm being a nutter but would you be able to (_insert_need_here_) every night/once a week (whatever's good). It makes me feel sooo good when these things happen & sooo awful when they don't."

It's NOT un reasonable to make a list, mental or paper, of the things that another person does that makes you feel loved. It might help! Have him do one too =) you might be suprised what cute lil thing you think nothing about doing for him/them makes them feel that you love them the best. Frankly, everyone needs to feel that they are the best even if they know it's not just them.

I'm seeing a lot of people focusing on what makes them horrible to be around, but I've yet to see anyone saying look at what this person does to make you feel GOOD then see how you can build on it.

I know you could probablt teach ME a few things about relationships seeing your b/f has stuck about for 2yrs & have probably figured something like this out... but I wanted to toss it into the mix anyway.
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