Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-07-2010, 09:54 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default When does attraction start?

So I saw this statement in another post and had a very strong YES to it. While it may not be enough to warrant its own thread, I have enough to say to warrant not hijacking the OT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeJoKo View Post
I think physical attraction is pretty important for romantic love... But emotions can also tell us we find someone attractive that we didn't used to just because we now have feelings for them.
I need to get to know the vast majority of men before any sort of attraction develops ... I have to hear them speak, see their attitude and personality before they become attractive. Now sometimes I may not need to see very much, but it's still a necessity. AFTER I see a personality I enjoy, my mind begins to notice physical attributes I like. This escalates, depending on the level of the relationship.

Funny, while all the girls in high school put up posters of this guy and that guy in their lockers, I went "meh."

Give me a traditionally HAWT man with a crummy personality, and I'll show you someone that I have no interest in. It does go to the point of affecting sexual desire. Perhaps this is why the vast majority of casual sex I've had has always been with friends? I find the act of trying to pick up at a bar unattractive, and so everyone in the bar just goes down a notch for me. (Even if I might have also been trying to pick up, not necessarily get laid.) Funny how the brain works!

Now women on the other hand ... I will immediately find a woman attractive! In terms of the strangers I check out, women make up 95%. Women tend to work backwards, if I find them immediately attractive. (If I don't find them immediately attractive, they follow the same path as a man.)

Here's an example:
-Saw the movie Domino, fell in lust with Kiera Knightley.
-Saw Kiera Knightley on the Daily Show, watched her bomb an interview with Jon Stewart. A quick wit and sense of humour is extremely appealing to me, to the point of being a necessity. She basically sat there and giggled at him.
-Immediately fell out of lust with Knightley.
-I do still enjoy Domino.

That's a shallow, "from afar" example, but it works the same in real life.

One might argue that I liked her "personality" in Domino, and I think this is somewhat true. However, her real personality easily overpowered that.

And finally, since it's six in the morning and I am just randomly throwing things in here, rather than formulating a cohesive post, I will say that if I ever met Kiera Knightley, and she turned out to be articulate and witty and wonderful, then that would overpower the Daily Show interview.

So, nothing is set in stone for me. I oscillate in my level of attraction, until I have enough "evidence" about that person that my body makes up its own mind.


Now, discuss!

Last edited by TruckerPete; 09-07-2010 at 09:57 AM. Reason: typos!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-07-2010, 03:39 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872
Default

Well that absolutely depends. Attraction comes from lots of locations. If I think back to all the times I have felt attraction enough to both dating or trying to date. I have a few different patterns

Raw absolute lust. My one ex and I saw each other and immediately started making out. Very strange level of sexual intensity. This was a fireball of a relationship that lasted a very short time. Physically she would not be considered attractive by the masses. A little butch with a lot of cute.

Our ex was flirty and cute. A really skilled flirter. Her intelligence was above par so she immediately caught my attention. In her, I was attracted to the facade of this initial personality. (physically she is nice too) If I had met her "real" personality first. I likely wouldn't have been interested at all.

I am currently very attracted to SJ. This pattern was forced to be one of intelligence and friendship. This is a new one for me as I have never had a friendship transition into a relationship. The attraction in this one came from getting to know her personality, quirks and intelligence. She attracted me in the same way Pengrah did the first time we met. Although with Pengrah I was able to get physical very very quickly.

Angelina Jolie, if we are talking stars, is the type of woman I like. Now I know 70% of the population can say that, but my reasoning has to do more with her, then her physical attributes. I started crushing on her in Hackers. It was the look in her eyes. You knew she was a kinky girl. That personality captured me. If I catch that glitter of sexual recognition from a woman than I can instantly become attracted.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-07-2010, 04:20 PM
Jade Jade is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: in a house
Posts: 188
Default

Attraction may usually start in the eyes, but it always ends in the head.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-07-2010, 04:34 PM
freeantigone freeantigone is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 46
Default

I can fancy someone for what they look like, in a sort of "ohh they're nice" kind of way, but I know it's a superficial crush. They're just eye candy.

I am attracted to big sexy brains If someone is smart, can make me laugh and is kind, they've pretty much got me
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-07-2010, 05:12 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by freeantigone View Post
I can fancy someone for what they look like, in a sort of "ohh they're nice" kind of way, but I know it's a superficial crush. They're just eye candy.

I am attracted to big sexy brains If someone is smart, can make me laugh and is kind, they've pretty much got me
Oh yes. People can be aesthetically pleasing, but unattractive to me. The reverse also works!

Sexy brains ALWAYS win!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-08-2010, 01:26 AM
RGee91 RGee91 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 96
Smile

The way my attraction works, I HAVE to be physically attracted first, if not you are instantly friendzoned (shallow, I know ) and after passing the physical test, you just have to make me like you. But what I find attractive physically is very broad (so maybe not SO shallow ). I love nerds, jocks, "cool", goths, fem, stud, ect.
In terms of stars, my crushes are KID CUDI, Michael Cera<3, Kid Cudi, Travis Mccoy, kid cudi, B.o.B and Scott MesCUDI lol

i kinda like kid cudi too... ^_^
__________________
When one limits themselves in terms of love, they have missed the point of love altogether ~ RazeGeneration
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-08-2010, 01:41 AM
Mohegan's Avatar
Mohegan Mohegan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 756
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Oh yes. People can be aesthetically pleasing, but unattractive to me. The reverse also works!

Sexy brains ALWAYS win!
I totaly agree with what you've said in this thread. I may notice certain things about someone that make them pleasing to look at. But attraction doesn't really kick in until I get to know them.

I joke that this whole dating thing is new to me, after 8 yrs of only Karma. But it's honest. I rarely even noticed anyone else in that sense. It wasn't until Panda came along and then non b/f, that I started to open my eyes. If someone was pointed out as eye candy, I may notice then, but very rarely on my own.

It's almost all personality to me. It can definitaly make or break attraction.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:27 AM
MsKtty89's Avatar
MsKtty89 MsKtty89 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ames, IA
Posts: 74
Default

I think it depends on the person. With my husband, his personality and brain got me before his looks did. With our love-interest, for me, it was looks first, then personality.

Both definitely has to be there, but in what order they are apparent depends.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-25-2011, 10:48 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I need to get to know the vast majority of men before any sort of attraction develops ... I have to hear them speak, see their attitude and personality before they become attractive. Now sometimes I may not need to see very much, but it's still a necessity. AFTER I see a personality I enjoy, my mind begins to notice physical attributes I like. This escalates, depending on the level of the relationship.

[....]

Give me a traditionally HAWT man with a crummy personality, and I'll show you someone that I have no interest in. It does go to the point of affecting sexual desire. [....]

Now women on the other hand ... I will immediately find a woman attractive! In terms of the strangers I check out, women make up 95%. Women tend to work backwards, if I find them immediately attractive. (If I don't find them immediately attractive, they follow the same path as a man.)
I recently read an article about some supposed "scientific" research which quasi-demonstrated that men who identify as bisexual are not really bisexual -- and it's scientific!

The study involved placing sensors on self-identified bi men's genitals and "measuring" attraction. Then -- get this -- the men were "exposed" porn of two types, one with man/men (with no women) and the other with women/woman (without men). Most of the self-identified bi men physically -- and measurably -- responded to the male erotica; and most did not so respond to the female erotica.

This was supposed to more-or-less discredit male bisexuality in humans. As if there couldn't be more going on in attraction / difference.
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog

Last edited by River; 04-25-2011 at 10:50 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-25-2011, 11:56 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,386
Default

I'm not sure it's necessary that accurate... I knew a bisexual guy who told me that male/male and male/female porn did it for him, but not female/female porn because he had nobody to identify with. And similarly male/male porn does nothing at all for me, yet I'm very straight.

I would have found it more interesting if they had shown pictures of individuals, some male, some female, and analyzed the reactions to that.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
attraction

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:50 PM.