Sexless Marriage- Told him I was stepping out for sex

[SweetSensations]

I am hoping you can give me guidance to preserve my marriage but step out of the relationship for sex.

Therapist told me most ppl would kill for a relationship like mine but you have several areas that are a huge deal if those areas are important to you.(intimacy is huge for me) I have seen 2 other therapists one encouraged me to stay in the relationship but get him in therapy>cough! I hope to empower him to stay without an overt sabotage of the relationship. If he starts to feel pressure, which he has, he will become resistant and lash out in anger. If he feels insecure he may leave. Over the last year+ he has told me do what ya gotta do. I asked him to read love in abundance and define my sexual activities together. I told him you are my number one and started setting out to do little nice things for him to reassure him. Then months later he said he was not feel comfortable with my decision. I waited till I had not had sex for almost 3 years.

The therapist found some sort of huge sexual block and possible testosterone deficiency that he possibly could have. We were doing therapy through triangulation. She would ask me the questions on a recorder and I would ask them of him, record his body language and report back to the therapist. I was in therapy to make sure I could withstand the guilt of stepping out of the marriage and possibly get an open marriage. Where I messed up was telling him I was going outside the relationship for sex, before going into therapy. At the time the therapist said I had a neat packed life for hubby and so we set out to rock the boat. Therapist said, I had a significantly healthy relationship minus the intimacy and I had some choices to make.

This Christmas he started snapping at me and told me who are yu buying that for?" "I am not going to watch that movie with you" I think he is hurt but won't give me sex no matter what. I have stepped out of the relationship and adore sex with new man. I don't want to just leave my H the way his last 2 relationships have. I have been in the relationship for 17 yrs. I told him I was not going to tell him any details about the other man.

What are ways I can convince him to have an open relationship? Building him up has helped some. He won't talk much. I want to continue to be gentle cuz it is my persona. Just need you ideas. I have read some other posts that were helpful.

Thank you for your time...

[dust]

Maybe tell him you feel that you need intimacy and ask him what you could do that would work for him? You might not get an answer, but hopefully you will get him to consider that it's his problem too, not just yours.

[dingedheart]

Is he a sports fan?

Play me or trade me ....I'm sick of sitting on the bench.

Why isnt he going to the therapy sessions so the questions and reaction could be first hand??

[SweetSensations]

Originally Posted by dingedheart

Is he a sports fan?

Play me or trade me ....I'm sick of sitting on the bench.

Why isnt he going to the therapy sessions so the questions and reaction could be first hand??

He is kind of stubborn and just says he is no longer into sex. Any areas that could cause jealousy I want to tame any insecurities to get better acceptance.

Originally Posted by dust

Maybe tell him you feel that you need intimacy and ask him what you could do that would work for him? You might not get an answer, but hopefully you will get him to consider that it's his problem too, not just yours.

At this point I have left no stone unturned. I have accepted the fact that I get no more sweet lovin' from him. I now need to try to convince him that stepping out will not cause me to love him less but will enhance our relationship.

[Tom]

Originally Posted by SweetSensations

He is kind of stubborn and just says he is no longer into sex. Any areas that could cause jealousy I want to tame any insecurities to get better acceptance.


At this point I have left no stone unturned. I have accepted the fact that I get no more sweet lovin' from him. I now need to try to convince him that stepping out will not cause me to love him less but will enhance our relationship.

Your husband and I have some similarities in that we were both restricted from having sex to a certain degree in some way. However, the main difference is that I decided to make an effort and get help (which worked) and your husband isn't making an effort. This is my opinion on what you should do.

You should tell your husband that you and he need to sit down and have a serious talk. Share your grievances and tell him how you feel about your current situation. End your side of the story with asking him if he loves you. As we all know, he will say yes. When he says yes, you give him the ultimatum: either he seeks help and tries to fix your guys' sex life or you seek other options to fulfill your needs.

How you respond to his response is up to you. But I can say that almost any man given that ultimatum would probably go with option 1. If he doesn't, let him know what you want and feel is feasible. Make sure to emphasize that you will always love him no matter what but it's time that he attends to your needs some way or another.

[SweetSensations]

Originally Posted by Tom

Your husband and I have some similarities in that we were both restricted from having sex to a certain degree in some way. However, the main difference is that I decided to make an effort and get help (which worked) and your husband isn't making an effort. This is my opinion on what you should do.

You should tell your husband that you and he need to sit down and have a serious talk. Share your grievances and tell him how you feel about your current situation. End your side of the story with asking him if he loves you. As we all know, he will say yes. When he says yes, you give him the ultimatum: either he seeks help and tries to fix your guys' sex life or you seek other options to fulfill your needs.

How you respond to his response is up to you. But I can say that almost any man given that ultimatum would probably go with option 1. If he doesn't, let him know what you want and feel is feasible. Make sure to emphasize that you will always love him no matter what but it's time that he attends to your needs some way or another.

He chose reluctantly option number 2 which was to put up with me going outside the marriage for sex. Thank you so much Tom. Is there anything that would help you if I was your Wife? I am not picking up on you just what would you want to hear to make you feel comfort and loved.