Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-27-2010, 07:00 PM
CandiGurl's Avatar
CandiGurl CandiGurl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 8
Default New & Unsure

Hello!
I am looking for a lil advice.
First, I'd like to say that I have thought about being in a three-person relationship before, but I always thought that we would sorta find each other at close times in life. Whether I was with someone shortly, or I met a couple that was just starting out and we just sorta all fell in love together.

Perhaps this was a bit naiive.

I met a girl about a week ago, I only know her online, but she seems very interested in me. I have no problems with the fact that she and her partner are older then me. I do however have a problem with the fact that they have been together for most of their life (well, able to date life anyways) And they have 4 children together.

I am honoured that they are both interested, and I understand why they wish to add another woman to their relationship. (It's personal and I don't think important to share).

I really like her and her partner, but it does concern me that they have had a life together for so long. They have a very strong bond, and grew and matured together, things I haven't done. I think I feel a lil bit like an intruder.

I guess I don't see how I could form as strong a bond with either of them, and I am also afraid that I will just fall into step with them and not grow on an individual level.

Any thoughts or advice would be helpful.
I know that I am still getting to know them, and it isn't serious, but I can see how much she wants it to be.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-27-2010, 07:05 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,648
Default

All very good things to be concerned about. All valid. There have been many who have tread this path before you. Perhaps doing a search on here for similar stories will help. Do a tag search for unicorn, unicorns, triads, secondaries... there is a lot of info out there that hopefully will be helpful. Happy reading and good luck
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-27-2010, 07:06 PM
X-User1335 X-User1335 is offline
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 37
Default

While you have fears of feeling as an intruder, I'm sure the wife has fears of her own, and the husband as well.

It's a huge adjustment for everyone involved!!

I hope it works out for you guys!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-27-2010, 08:30 PM
sage's Avatar
sage sage is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 631
Default

Hi and welcome

Gather up all your concerns and move forward in baby steps, addressing each one as it logically comes up.

Good luck
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-27-2010, 08:55 PM
CandiGurl's Avatar
CandiGurl CandiGurl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 8
Default

Thankyou for the welcomes!
I wasn't even sure of those terms, and knowing them makes it a lot easier to find information

I think it will be baby steps, she had a bad relationship with the last girl they met, and I've had bad experiences all around so slow & steady sounds good to me!

It's also a bit of a relief to SEE a site like this, it's really awesome to see so many open-minded people. I hadn't even thought there was really anyone else who thought a triad would work until I met this girl online. So, I am very imrpessed! And also feeling a little silly, of course I am not the only one
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-27-2010, 09:33 PM
Jade Jade is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: in a house
Posts: 188
Default

Ditto the baby steps. It usually takes time to develop a strong bond with anyone. Couples who've been together forever and have kids don't necessarily take longer to bond with. If they communicate well with each other and are on the same page, they may very well bond quicker than an emotionally conflicted single!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-27-2010, 10:30 PM
CandiGurl's Avatar
CandiGurl CandiGurl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 8
Default

Ah! I do feel much better after reading a lot of the stories on here!
Also, from what she has told me, and just regular old reading between the lines, they are very excellent at communicating, and I know, to me and many others that is very important!

I am very willing to take time!
And I love this site! It's like a little community
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:53 AM.