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Old 08-26-2010, 03:51 PM
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Wondering Wondering is offline
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Default Hoping to learn more about poly

Hello all. I am a married soon to be 30 year old woman. My husband and I are new to the Poly lifestyle. We both are looking for the same thing but lately with his new girlfriend things seem to have taken a strange turn.

I don't know if i am being a silly woman and need to learn more about poly, or if she just isn't what's needed in our life. I'm hoping to learn a few things and meet new people who can help me understand other things.
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Old 08-26-2010, 03:53 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Before we can help you understand "things", you'll have to tell us what these things are.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:08 PM
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OK guess i forgot to tell. Sorry.

Well my husband has a girlfriend but its a long distance relationship. She makes him smile and so happy and i am happy for him. I love seeing him so happy. At the beginning of the relationship they talked non stop but that is normal. I would fall asleep next to him in bed while he talked to her on the phone. But somewhere something went wrong. I was being cut out of things. He would start leaving the room to talk to her. It felt like she wanted to forget i was there. I let it go being i thought it was just them wanting to get to more about each other. Well they decided they wanted to meet and wanted it to be the weekend of his birthday. But the week before I got upset and called off the meeting bc she met some guy and ended up having sex with him the same night. I was scared about the thought of her just having casual sex.

She and i dont talk bc she doesn't want to get to know me. She wants to keep the 2 relationships seperate and that isnt what he nor I want. Its not that we are looking for 3way just to be able to be comfortable with each other.

But anyway the meeting happened. He came home so very happy. And now he misses her like crazy but she not so much with him. She is wanting to go back to have less of a commitment and really wants to keep having casual sex with whoever she wants and I am scared of that. I'm scared of catching something and i don't know if i am being selfish and controlling by saying this cant happen. Or do i need to keep my mouth shut and let her live her life the way she wants and let them 2 have their thing.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:25 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Welll... as long as they use condoms, would you be ok with it then?

If it's because you're worried about "catching something", then using condoms would be the answer (I realize that condoms are not 100% guaranteed but still that's usually the caveat when it comes to casual sex).

Or is it about more than just being "scared of catching something"?

There is nothing wrong with being "selfish" because you don't want to catch a STD, but it sounds to me like there is more to it than that. I read between the lines and something tells me that you are afraid of something else but feel that the "scared of catching something" is a "safe" reason to put first so you won't have to confront whatever else is bothering you.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-26-2010 at 04:30 PM.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:34 PM
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I am terrified of catching something i can't get rid of. I have never had casual sex it scares me so for someone who is sleeping with husband to do it really scares me. He trust that they are using condoms bc he "knows" her and she doesn't lie. But she refuses to talk to me so i don't know her and am very unsure of trusting that she is being careful.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:38 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondering View Post
He trust that they are using condoms bc he "knows" her and she doesn't lie.

Do you know what condoms are and how they work?
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  #7  
Old 08-28-2010, 03:30 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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A couple of points are really standing out to me, from what you've written:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wondering View Post
. . . somewhere something went wrong. I was being cut out of things. He would start leaving the room to talk to her. It felt like she wanted to forget i was there. . . .

She and i dont talk bc she doesn't want to get to know me. She wants to keep the 2 relationships seperate and that isnt what he nor I want. . . .
What you describe is not polyamory, at least not where your husband's Gf is concerned. Poly is the concept of being engaged in multiple and simultaneous loving relationships, based on respect and concern for everyone involved. Your husband's girlfriend is not behaving in a way that shows respect and concern for you. You may have a cowgirl trying to cull the stallion from your herd. You are dead-on right to worry about her. Watch your back, girl!
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