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Old 12-24-2012, 11:50 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Default Wildflower's miscellany

This may or may not become a blog. I've debated it in the past, then been very glad I didn't start it, as I've have regrets even about some of the sporadic posts I've made. But I've seen a bunch of useful ideas in my reading here, and I want a place to put them so I don't lose them.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:56 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi Wildflowers! Just a tip, for saving threads that interest you. At the top of each thread, on the menu, you will see a link to "Thread Tools." Click it & a dropdown menu appears, where you will see a link to "Subscribe to This Thread." Then when you log in, you can check your subscriptions to keep up.
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Old 12-24-2012, 02:42 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Thanks, NYC. But it's more that I want to save particular ideas, rather than a whole thread.

One idea that I like, and find it useful to remind myself of, is GG's term "emotional weather". I particularly like the idea that sometimes weather just happens, and that I don't always have to do something about it. I can just accept today's weather, even if I don't really like it, and know that it also may change without my doing anything.

I don't use it as a recipe for passivity, but I do find it a useful tool for getting through some tougher times.

Here's a good example:

We cannot help what we feel when we feel it. We don't even get to choose when to feel it. It just is. Emotional weather. Rain is rain, wind is wind. Emotion is emotion. We DO get to choose how to behave in response. You can choose to REACT to emotion or ACT WITH INTENT.
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Old 12-24-2012, 02:51 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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An idea from Another Confused. This statement describes how I feel about the last year+ that I've been with my boyfriend. The year has posed some huge emotional challenges, but I have probably learned more about coping with my emotions and adapting to other people than I have in the past 20 years with my husband. (Of course, therapy helped too.) Despite having made plenty of mistakes, I feel really good about what I have managed during this year.

****

I go social dancing. Everyone knows that if you only ever dance with one partner, your dancing will be very slow to improve. You may actually build in bad habits that make you difficult for others to dance with. You will probably get bored. If you dance with many different partners, you will be constantly learning new steps, perfecting your physical communication skills, expanding your repertoire, honing your own personal style, and of course, having a rich and interesting social experience. This is what I want in life.
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Old 12-26-2012, 12:54 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Sternberg's triangle theory of love (thanks Sparklepop)

A good framework for describing relationships

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love
Attached Files
File Type: pdf Triangular_Theory_of_Love.pdf (13.9 KB, 5 views)
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Old 12-29-2012, 12:36 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Having multiple partners has helped me be more understanding of my partners' feelings. Because I'm not always playing a particular emotional role (e.g., in one relationship I might be feeling a bit needy and in the other my partner might have that feeling) it's easier to recall the challenges of a tough feeling and to be sympathetic or to not overreact. Emotional recall of recent states is a lot easier for me than recalling more distant ones; long term recall can be pretty intellectual, so I know in theory what it was like but the power of the feelings is absent.
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