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Old 12-22-2012, 04:41 PM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Laveen, AZ
Posts: 37
Question Issue with Age?

So, as I have mentioned before previously, I am in a poly-amorous relationship with a married couple. They have been married for a little over a year. I have known my girlfriend and boyfriend since I was 15. I am now 18. The biggest issue I am getting is the age. They for one, share one daughter and a son on the way, with a possible newborn on my part. (Trying for a baby) Anyways, the issue everyone suggests I bring up is age, she is 21, and he is 34. I know not many are supportive, but what is your opinion. Please no smack talk on my boyfriends or girlfriends age, or telling me I am too young. Life is too short to live it right. I am 18 and I understand that this could quite possibly be a mistake but in fact, it could not be. I love him, I love her. Point Blank. But I am curious with how many othe poly-relationships have an age gap so wide.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:39 PM
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Sannafrid Sannafrid is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 13

You are all consenting adults. I don't see a problem. There could be some differences in maturity, and that's no one's fault; it just happens when one partner happens to have more life experience than the other. However, age is no guarantee of maturity, wisdom, experience, etc. When it is, empathy can go a long way in bridging the age gap. Understanding where your partner is coming from and that their experiences are not your own is important whether the age difference is ten years or ten days.

Anyway, I'm 23 and my primary and secondary lovers are both in their early 30s, so I've spent some time thinking about this, too.
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Old 12-22-2012, 08:20 PM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 279

I dont really see the issue. I'm 25 and I've generally been drawn to people older than me. OKC perpetually matches me up with people 30 and up.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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Old 12-22-2012, 08:22 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,896

Are you trying for a baby with him as the father? I'm assuming this is the case but wanted to make sure I understood.
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:36 PM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Laveen, AZ
Posts: 37

Yes, I am trying for a baby with the 34 year old. He already has children with a new born son on the way, but together him and I want a child.
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:39 PM
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DarayTala DarayTala is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: York, PA
Posts: 42

I don't think age gap is a huge issue unless you make it one. There could be a difference in maturity, you could be at different places in your life and wanting different things, but that's not necessarily the case. I'm 23 at this point, and one of my partners is 37, and we have a wonderful relationship. When I was 18 actually, my first partner outside of my fiance was a 38 year old. There were some maturity issues, but they were actually with him being immature and trying to collect as many girlfriends as possible because he thought it would make him look good, while myself and his wife were the more mature ones. So nope, there is nothing wrong with an age gap as long as you and your partners can make a relationship work.
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Old 12-22-2012, 10:58 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

I once dated a man who was the same age as my dad (within a few days!). I had no idea his age when I met him. (he turned out to be a sociopath, but that's a different issue)

I was in a long term relationship with a man 13 years older than I am. FBF is 13.5 years younger than I am; and CBF is 15.5 years younger than I am. Before FBF, my bf was 8 years younger than I am.

There are times and situations in life where the age difference can and might matter a lot; and times and situations where it matters not at all. I used to date a man a few years younger than I, and everyone who knew him, called him 'old man.'

It's no one's business but yours. You're not obligated to tell anyone the difference in your ages.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:08 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 461

I don't think an age GAP is any more of a problem than any other factor in relationships. Mono or poly.

I'm 28 and my girlfriend is ten years older, at 38. 90% of my partners have been ten years older than me. My longest relationship (5 years) was with a man who is 13 years older than me.

Even though I do not think an age *gap* is a *problem*, yes, of course it can cause some issues. God, I was 26 when I met my girlfriend and in two years, I've already changed drastically. The age gap was never a relationship-deal-breaker problem.... but of course, it was noticeable sometimes. It can work for the better and for us, it does. As long as you all acknowledge the age gap and cut each other some slack, I don't see why it should be a giant issue.

However, AGE itself can be an issue, in the longterm. When I was 19, I met a man who was 32. That was my 5 year long relationship. I thought he was my soulmate. I moved across the country to be with him. I thought I'd be with him for the rest of my life. Yes - life is short. Seize opportunities for yourself. But understand and accept that life probably will change your relationships, your personality, your life. You may not be with this couple in five years' time. If you can strike a balance of living in the moment, whilst having back-up plans for the future, you're doing ok.

I'm not going to trash talk your age - I'm just going to give you my honest opinion. I know, from personal experience, that having one child is difficult. Three would be insane for me. I also know, from personal experience, that I would not want to bring a child into the world until I had my shit together. I cannot tell you that you are too young - your body and mind are yours. But, if you cannot look five years into the future and say "here's what I'll do if we are no longer together", then you've got to do some thinking. If you can, then fine. But be sensible... explore yourself... live your life... love and be happy. I can tell you that when I was 18, I felt very mature - and I was mature. Much moreso than other people my age. I couldn't imagine being much different when I was 28. Hahaha... I was so wrong. I had a massive change between 18 and 21. I changed again around the age of 25. Now, at 28, I'm starting to change again. These are standard ages to go through changes... so as long as you are prepared for that, you are being wise.

me: open poly (31, female)

involved with:
GF: (41, female) my long-distance, long-term partner
Earth: (35, female) newly dating

Hubby: (38, male) GF's husband
Garcon: (28, male) GF's boyfriend/submissive

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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