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Old 12-17-2012, 10:36 AM
Princefan2012 Princefan2012 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: London, UK
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Default Intro & Questions??

Hi there - I'm hoping for some advice and info on a situation. I am single and have been for appx 4 years. I feel that I have kind of closed myself off from starting new relationships because of a previous relationship however about 6 months a go I met someone who I really like.
We have a few things in common and I really like and enjoy his company. Over time our friendship has developed, and we are quite open with each other, we discuss many things and he told me he has an open relationship with his wife. I found this interesting and he tells me about it.
Nothing has happened between us however I am starting to feel very interested in him. I am unsure of whether my feelings are because I just really like him, and have an affinity with him or if its something more and its been on my mind for a while.
Heres the issue - he is a colleague, and i messaged him (drunk) about my feelings, he has responded with a lovely message and says he is interested in strenghtening our friendship and would like to meet to talk about this face to face. I would like to do that, I understand he is in a relationship and frankly I don't want to disturb that, but I also don't want to potentially upset our working relationship or friendship. I'm a bit confused. I had a workplace relationship over 20 years ago and it didn't end well, since then I have never been involved with anyone at work. To be honest I'm not even sure if he finds me attractive and also that i have messed up! So any advice on polyamory for single women, do's and don'ts and opinions will be welcomed. Thanks.
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Old 12-21-2012, 02:32 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,091


Does your work place have any policies about dating coworkers? He's not in any way like your boss or you his boss, right? Should you date, and then break up, how would that affect your job?

Not that I'm saying don't go there. Just saying... go there with eyes wide open and knowing what's what.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-21-2012 at 02:34 AM.
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Old 12-22-2012, 05:15 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,285

Hello Princefan2012,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like the first thing you need to do is ask him if he finds you attractive. But I don't think you messed up or anything. Romance is always awkward in the beginning.

If he does find you attractive, will you be able to accept that he has a wife, and that he has an open relationship with her? Perhaps you and his wife should meet up and see if you can strike up a friendship. Just a possibility.

Because his relationship with his wife is open, it should be okay (in theory) for you and him to pursue something. But find out what their rules and boudaries are -- if there's anything to pursue here.

Remember that true love always has a risk of heartache attached. And remember that honest, considerate communication is the highest priority in polyamory.

I hope everything goes well for you. Just take it in little steps.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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