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Old 08-18-2010, 11:58 AM
CowleyRoad CowleyRoad is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Not near Cowley Road anymore, sadly
Posts: 41
Default An introduction

Well I have been posting pretty extensively in the "New to Polyamory" forum so I should probably introduce myself here.

I am a 36-year-old straight male living in a small American suburb. I landed here after stints in Canada, England, and Los Angeles, so this is my settling period I suppose. I am married to a 34-year-old bi woman (out to me for about three years, just starting to come out to others), and so many of our friends say we are two halves of the same couple. After a couple years of discussion we decided to enter the swinging world, partly to expand her sexuality and partly to fulfill our fantasies of seeing each other with other people. Even though we'd talked about it for years, I think we secretly were polycurious all along...my wife had talked about it, and although I hadn't admitted it to myself I was curious too.

We met up with B (her) and H (him) over a month ago and hit it off exceptionally well. It turned out that B is poly as well, and although H is not, he does enjoy the sexual part of it. But it is hard for him to come to terms with B's polyamory, and at the moment that is our biggest obstacle.

B is...well, B is an incredible woman. She too is bi and has drawn out my wife's sexuality in an explosive way. Although they have done non-sexual activities I kid my wife that "nothing B does is non-sexual." She and I are both very literary people, and we've started to connect on that level. Since the four of us met up as swingers first we are doing things backwards slightly, and B and my wife and I are starting to feel things out as friends and something a little more than friends. Although B is extremely extroverted, there is also a part of her that just wants to feel safe and warm, and she sees that in us and our relationship.

For H's sake we are trying to play up the friendly part of our relationship, and so we plan friendly get-togethers. I don't know where our relationship with him will be going. I don't want him left behind. B is kind of like the sun in their relationship and it leaves him in the shade. Part of that is his personality--although he is a big guy he is very shy and prefers to retreat into his own world. The other part is that his hobbies often take him away from the outside world a bit, maybe a bit too much. I fear that B will do what she wants and H will feel unable to stop her.

So, right now that's where we stand, kind of making the transition from swinging partners to...not sure what you would call it. Enhanced friends with benefits, perhaps. A very hot triangle with an occasional fourth, perhaps. Beautiful but scary, I think.
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Old 08-18-2010, 05:55 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 08-18-2010, 10:06 PM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Homer, Alaska
Posts: 133

A very hot triangle with an occasional fourth, perhaps. Beautiful but scary, I think.
Sounds very hot to me, and very scary.

Anyhow, hi there! And thanks for sharing. It'll be interesting to see how the current situation shakes out.

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