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Old 08-09-2010, 09:59 AM
Baka1216 Baka1216 is offline
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Question Noob

Haven't been a noob at anything in a long time so let's see how I do.

I am in a long term very commited relationship. We are engaged and have a wedding partially plotted. I am also in love with another individual and while I have never acted on these feelings I want to very much. Now, this is my first serious relationship, Ive always known Im not built for being with only one person and so I was always upfront in the past about not being exclusive. My fiancÚ swept me off my feet and I have made that promise to her and will keep it. -I just feel I am going against who I am and that I may be setting myself up for a dumbass mistake, a loss of control one day in the future.
I truly love my fiancÚ and feel a deep love for this other woman as well. I don't know how to fall out of love with the second woman.
I'm leaving myself open to a lot in terms of comments but I feel what I need right now is advice from others who may have dealt with either similar situations or who may just be able to tell me to get over it. Lol Lets hear it.
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Old 08-09-2010, 10:40 AM
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Hi and welcome

I don't think this is a lol scenario at all. I think you have made a promise that you are now doubting you will be able to keep, and you are probably right.

I started a thread called "the downsides of being poly" and this is one of them. Monos and polys falling in love is a difficult thing but definitely one you need to address before you get married.

My poly partner tried to give up a a significant other for me and in the process I lost so much of him that I told him I would come to terms with his polyamory. The easy thing for you to do is to tell yourself and your fiance you have this 'handled' and you may have it handled this time, or for a while, but it will come back to haunt you.
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Old 08-09-2010, 10:50 AM
Baka1216 Baka1216 is offline
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No... This is not a lol situation. I am at a tearing-my-hair-out-in-frustration stage in all this, the lol was for how open to any type of comment My post was.
Thank you for your reply, Sage.
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Old 08-09-2010, 10:54 AM
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OK, then let's start at the beginning. Have you been honest with both parties? Do they know about each other? You can't have polyamory without honesty.
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  #5  
Old 08-09-2010, 11:02 AM
Baka1216 Baka1216 is offline
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They hate each other. My fiancÚ knows this other woman cares for me and resents her. She is the enemy. The other woman resents my fiancÚ for having me. I am trying to be open with them both but am usually the target of their anger if I bring up anything having to do with emotions for one or the other. I'm the bad guy before I even start talking.
I have tried to stop all communication with the second woman and focus on my fiancÚ but I feel... empty, in a way.
It's hard to explain...
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Old 08-09-2010, 02:54 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baka1216 View Post
They hate each other.
Unless this changes there is no hope for building a relationship with both of them that will be healthy for everyone. This is hurdle one in my opinion....the first brick in the foundation so to speak. Don't get married until you figure this out. Be strong.
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