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  #1  
Old 08-04-2010, 03:22 PM
HCgirl78 HCgirl78 is offline
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Exclamation a bit unnerved...

My husband and I now have a name for what we are, we discussed out love for each other and our family unit but desire to seek out other partners for well over a year before we actually acted on it. I am currently in a ongoing relationship with a friend who struggled to understand my lifestyle choices but the fact that he put alot of thought into it before starting anything with me meant alot.
He is my 3rd partner since we opened our marriage, the first 2 basically were 1 night stands as the first could not handle things, and the 2nd found a mono relationship and cut ties with me. My husband had struggled to find someone, we live in a very small town so he used dating sites. He found a woman that they talked for quite awhile online before meeting and having a sexual encounter, and once again she couldn't handle that he was married but that it was ok (she had been a mistress once and the wife found out and hunted her down)
So now as I type this, my husband is out meeting a potential ongoing friend with benefits. I have some concerns and try to express them and he listens but continues on. She is married, has a bf already on the side, but her husband is in the dark about anything. She has a lot of questions which is good and has said she is envious of our open marriage that she is so unhappy in her marriage. I am really uncomfortable with the fact she is married and hiding this. It could blow up and be so bad. I voiced my concerns to my husband and he said he did have some concern but not enough to back off. he enjoys exchanging texts and emails with her and was really looking forward to meeting her. I just worry that her affairs will come out and then we will be pulled into things, her running to him sobbing over her husband's reaction (she says he is very jealous and protective) or even the husband tracking mine down somehow. I am not wrong in my thinking right? I mean he did call off meeting a woman before because she was married but not open.
I would just really like to be able to find someone that is either single and can handle our life choices, or that is in a open marriage. Our marriage is very happy and it makes me sick to think of wrecking someone else's marriage especially when there are kids involved. I told him she is to know NOTHING about us today, I don't want her to know where he works, our kids names or ages or my name even anything that could turn around and bite us.
We live a very quiet life and have no one but each other to talk to about our poly life so I am glad to have found a place I can talk about this.
He has sent a message that he is on his way home, so I guess I will hear how things went when he gets home.

C
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  #2  
Old 08-04-2010, 03:29 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HCgirl78 View Post
I am really uncomfortable with the fact she is married and hiding this. It could blow up and be so bad.

You should be. It will. Your husband is cheating with this woman. Even if you know about it, her husband doesn't, so it is cheating.

I know other people on here will have more to say about this.


Do a tag search for "cheating" and "affair". Quite a few people come on here with the exact same situation as yours. I know you said you feel alone and like no one can relate to your situation but it is far from unique. Try to avail yourself of the benefit of other people's experiences.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-04-2010 at 03:34 PM.
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Old 08-04-2010, 03:40 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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I feel your pain, recently met ...chripes it's even hard to say; my wife's, boyfriend's, wife...

I'm interested to see how both our situations unfold, and how he relayed how it went when he got home.
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Old 08-04-2010, 03:41 PM
HCgirl78 HCgirl78 is offline
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I know I won't feel so alone now that I found this forum.

I would be fine with it if she would talk to her husband, and then the marriage either ends or he allows a similar relationship as we have. I would say she is probably staying for the kids, which is so wrong, kids are not dumb and will pick up on things.
I feel bad for my husband as I know he has such a hard time meeting a woman he could be with and is frustrated that as a woman I had an easy time...well for the most part.

I will search the forums a bit more while I wait for him to come home
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Old 08-04-2010, 04:25 PM
HCgirl78 HCgirl78 is offline
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So he is home, he made it very clear to her our concerns (more mine it seems) that she is married and she is secondary, that our life, our family is FIRST. She understands that and doesn't want to change her life. She said that she has had 8 affairs in the last 10 years ( or something like that) and has never been caught as her job is ideal that she can just say she has to step out of the office for a few hours.
I still don't like it, it feels like he is trying to justify having a relationship with her on the fact that she has gotten away with it for so long. I want him to find an ongoing relationship and hate seeing him struggle but I am just really unsure of this whether she believes she won't be caught or not.
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Old 08-04-2010, 04:31 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Wow. I'm sorry that your concerns about this mean so little to your husband.
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Old 08-04-2010, 04:33 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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I guess I'm wondering is your only concern the complications if they get caught?

In my similar situation, I'm really not hugely worried about that. Frankly, if they get caught, it's because they screwed up and deserve it. It's more of "accomplice guilt" that I have issue with.
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  #8  
Old 08-04-2010, 05:01 PM
HCgirl78 HCgirl78 is offline
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Ygirl he did tell me if I wanted it to stop then he wouldn't see her again, but at the same time I can't say no 100% because I feel bad about it...does that make sense. I basically told him that although previously I like to hear all about his time away,this time if he did continue with her that I don't want to know anything other than when he arrives where they meet and when he leaves.

Yes dazed my biggest concern is them getting caught, her marriage then falling apart and her trying to claim more ownership over my husband which is not how we have our relationship work.
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Old 08-04-2010, 09:59 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Depth does not come without last names etc. How can that be? That's just BS if you ask me.

Ya, you have every right to put your foot down and say absolutely not. Your whole entire family will get pulled into a whirlwind of drama, bad energy and just plain ol negativity. Why? Because your husband is impatient and can't tell the difference anymore between a real opportunity and the devil herself?

I don't care what her story is, there is no reason for her to stay in her marriage at all. She has destroyed just as much as he has. Even if her reason to stray is that he beats her every night I think. Cheating is just as bad to me, it destroys the fabric of our trust of another and I would wager that it will destroy trust in your relationship too if he does this.

Casual relationships are much better pure and with integrity I have learned. This will never have any of that and all he will get is the chance to fuck someone the whole town has fucked by the sounds of it.

I'm sorry I am coming across so strongly. If you have done a search and read anything about my opinion on this and history with it, you will see why. I'm sorry if my calling this woman the devil herself offends (Mono is sitting by me telling me that is a strong word. He's catholic, perhaps its stronger for some ), I just really feel strongly that anyone who thinks ten years of affairs is something to be proud of and is cheating on a husband, a family, a boyfriend and herself is just completely lost.

I would run. I would run very fast and never respond again with anything more than you feel sorry for her and think she really should check her values.
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Old 08-04-2010, 10:35 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Somebody owes me a farm.
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