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Old 08-03-2010, 07:16 AM
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Default Helen Fisher-anthropologist.

http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fishe...ove_cheat.html

Start at 16.30 minutes... three different brain systems and why we can love more than one... also why casual sex is not always so casual.

This whole clip is interesting to me, especially the part at 18.08, where she talks about what anti-depressants are doing to our ability to love!

At 3.30 she talks about how we become pocessive when we are in love. When we aren't so much we don't really care that much if they are sleeping with others....

Lots about NRE here!

This is worth a whole listen, but hopefully the times indicate some of the most valid points.

Comments?
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Old 08-03-2010, 07:30 AM
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At 1730 she does state that you can be in love with more than one person. She attributes this to the three brain systems, Lust, Romantic Love and Attachment. She points out that they are not always in sync but that they can be too. She says you can have Attachment for one while having Romantic Love for another. She doesn’t say you can have Attachment for more than one though..what message does this really imply? Does this mean she doesn’t think you can have all three for more than one person?

Her talk was about adult bonding relationships..not sibling or parental love just to clarify.
I've e-mailed her directly for some clarification and hopefully will get a response

I like the way she says "I think" for many of her theories as she is not claiming to be certain or that her way is the only way.

She also stated that the divorce rate in the U.S. has stabilized and is actually decreasing. Who would have thought?
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Old 08-03-2010, 11:51 AM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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Side note -- loved the story about the rickshaw ride. My new GF had never been backpacking, and I took her on a two-night pack trip into the Three Sisters Wilderness. But I think we was already fallin' inna luv before we went (well, I know it) so the trip wasn't a fair test of the novelty-as-aphrodisiac theory.
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Old 08-04-2010, 03:37 AM
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kind of on a role.... this one?
Cheating in monogamous men is to be expected, so arrange to keep them on a leash rather than roaming the neighborhood.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/0...id=DrmnfgBz_Vg
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Old 08-04-2010, 03:42 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
She attributes this to the three brain systems, Lust, Romantic Love and Attachment. She points out that they are not always in sync but that they can be too. She says you can have Attachment for one while having Romantic Love for another. She doesn’t say you can have Attachment for more than one though..what message does this really imply? Does this mean she doesn’t think you can have all three for more than one person?
I think you can have all three for one person, but I think it can change over time and then change again. If one is missing for a long time, we might seek it out in another.... especially lust!
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Old 08-04-2010, 06:34 AM
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ooh thanks for sharing! v intersting!
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Old 08-05-2010, 05:56 AM
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I just listened to Helen again and noticed that she said that casual sex releases endorphins that make one think that they are in love, when really they just orgasmed. HA, new take on certain types of poly for me with that one... all good, it's different from me but all good. Feeling love is feeling love, even if it is only for a moment and you want to call it poly.
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Old 08-29-2010, 06:41 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
She says you can have Attachment for one while having Romantic Love for another. She doesn’t say you can have Attachment for more than one though..what message does this really imply? Does this mean she doesn’t think you can have all three for more than one person?


I've e-mailed her directly for some clarification and hopefully will get a response
Hi every one. I got a response from Doctor Fisher and also her permission to share her comments. I also pointed her in the direction of Polyamory.com and she has been reading the forum.

Here is my email to her and her response.

Sent:

"I just watched a video of yours on Ted.com which spoke about why we love and cheat. It was very interesting and thought provoking. I am very curious about the idea of loving more than one as I am in a polyamorous relationship as a monogamous person. At 1730 you state that you can be in love with more than one person and attribute this to the three brain systems, Lust, Romantic Love and Attachment. You point out that they are not always in sync but that they can be in sync. You also say that a person can have Attachment for one while having Romantic Love for another. However you donąt say that a person can have attachment for more than one though? Does this mean you donąt think a person can have all three brain systems engaged for more than one person at a time?

I am merely curious and am not looking for an offical statement. You were sort of quoted on our Poly Board and I found it very intriguing."


Response:

"I apologize for being so slow to respond. I am overwhelmed with work. But to answer your question briefly. I certainly think you can feel deep attachment to more than one person at a time. We see this all the time. You can be attached to your work, your family, your children, and more than one lover. The attachment system doesn't seem to focus on just one person. Same with the sex drive. You can feel lust for several people at a time. But I don't think you can feel INTENSE romantic love for more than one person at a time. This particular brain system is associated with deep and intense focus on one individual, and people tend to get quite possessive too."

There's more info that she generously sent me and I will share it soon.
Peace and Love
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Old 08-30-2010, 01:02 AM
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Default Been Rejected? Read this!

STUDY FINDS ROMANTIC REJECTION STIMULATES
AREAS OF BRAIN INVOLVED IN MOTIVATION, REWARD AND ADDICTION

Is romantic rejection a specific form of addiction?

Bethesda, Md. – The pain and anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings, according to a study published in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology (http://jn.physiology.org/).

Helen Fisher, a research professor and member of the Center for Human Evolutionary Studies at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, in New Brunswick, N.J., is the lead author, along with co-author Lucy L. Brown of the Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University, Bronx, NY.

The study’s findings could have implications for understanding why feelings related to romantic rejection can be hard to control, and may provide insight into extreme behaviors associated with rejection, such as stalking, homicide and suicide—behaviors that occur across many cultures throughout the world.

Study Design and Findings
In the study, researchers used functional magnetic resonance imagine (fMRI) to record brain activity in 15 college-age, heterosexual men and women who had recently been rejected by their partners but reported that they were still intensely “in love.” The average length of time since the initial rejection and the participants’ enrollment in the study was 63 days, and all participants scored high on a psychological test called the Passionate Love Scale, which determines the intensity of romantic feelings. All participants said they spent more than 85% of their waking hours thinking of the person who rejected them, they yearned for the person to return and they wanted to get back together.

Participants each viewed a photograph their former partners. Then they completed a simple math exercise, such as counting backwards from a random four-digit number by 7, to distract them from their romantic thoughts. Finally, they viewed a photograph of a familiar “neutral” person, such as a roommate’s friend.

The researchers found that looking at photographs of the participants’ former partners stimulated several key areas of the participants’ brains more than looking at photos of neutral persons did. The areas are:

· the ventral tegmental area in the mid-brain, which controls motivation and reward and is known to be involved in feelings of romantic love,

· the nucleus accumbens and orbitofrontal/prefrontal cortex, which are associated with craving and addiction, specifically the dopaminergic reward system evident in cocaine addiction, and

· the insular cortex and the anterior cingulate, which are associated with physical pain and distress.

The researchers note that their findings supply evidence that “the passion of ‘romantic love’ is a goal-oriented motivation state rather than a specific emotion” and that their results are “consistent with the hypothesis that romantic rejection is a specific form of addiction.” Those who are coping with a romantic rejection may be fighting against a strong survival system that appears to be the basis of many addictions. The data help to explain why the beloved is so difficult to give up.

Hope for the Lovelorn
There is hope for the lovelorn, however: The researchers found that the greater the number of days since the rejection, the less activity there was in the area of the brain associated with attachment, the right ventral putamen/pallidum area, when the participants viewed photographs of their former partners. Also, areas associated with reappraising difficult emotional situations and assessing one's gains and losses were activated, suggesting that rejected individuals are trying to understand and learn from their difficult situation--what could be an adaptive response to rejection. If attachment responses decrease as the days go by and falling out of love is a learning process, there could very well be physiological evidence that time heals all wounds.

Research Team
The study, entitled Reward, Addiction and Emotion Regulation Systems Associated with Rejection in Love, was conducted by Helen E. Fisher, Rutgers University, New Brunswick, NJ, Lucy L. Brown, Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University, New York, NY, Art Aron, Stony Brook University, Stony Brook, NY, and Greg Strong and Debra Mashek, the State University of New York at Stony Brook. The Journal of Neurophysiology is a publication of the American Physiological Society (www.The-APS.org).
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  #10  
Old 08-30-2010, 06:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
But I don't think you can feel INTENSE romantic love for more than one person at a time. This particular brain system is associated with deep and intense focus on one individual, and people tend to get quite possessive too."
Would be interested to see what sort of empirical evidence is available for this assertion. Particularly for intense romantic love that lasts beyond the early stages of a relationship. It seems better descriptive of the initial phases of bonding (what we call NRE and what everybody else seems to call infatuation) and less descriptive of longer-term romantic love that maintains a level of intensity.
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