Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-01-2010, 05:16 AM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Talking On again---off again---on again???

Ok, so my wife L and I have been dating this other couple on again and off again for the last 2 years or so. Right now, we are "on again".....and it's great. It seems like this time, it may actually work out and work fine....but every other time it did too.....Of course, each time we've broken up, it's been US going silent and not communicating properly. So.....L and I have decided that we are going to make more efforts to communicate with S and D. While I was talking to D tonight, I found out some good information.

Now, the last time we were "on again" with S and D, we told them that we were "polyamorous" and that we weren't "swingers", they shut down and almost refused to look at us the rest of the night. We told them that they were the couple for us, and that we had been "dating" them, and them "dating" us for this whole time. Well, once we attached the "p-word" to our relationship, they shut down and wanted nothing to do with it anymore. So, we learned not to use the "p-word" anymore with them.

Then, D got sick.....it was VERY bad, and she could have died. She had to have surgery, and when L told her we would go and be there for her, she told us not to come. It really hurt. We never realized how much we really DO love them until this I think.

Anyway, she is out of the hospital now, and seems to be doing alright. In fact, that was about 4 months ago, and now she seems to be doing much better. About 3 months ago, her hubby S told me he wasn't sure if we would ever do anything sexual with them again. I told him that was fine with us, and we would leave the sexual side of our relationship in THEIR hands to make the first move. He said they appreciate that. Well, I don't know i this message made it to D or not, but it did today, because I reminded her that I said it back then. Of course, we haven't really spoken to them in the last 2 months or so. Gosh we missed them. Anyway, she said that they really missed us, and they loved us also.

So now, we are on a high again. We really HATE the lows....so we are going to be open books this time around with them. We love being around them so much. Anyway, thanks for listening. Hope everyone else had a great day today.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-01-2010, 06:59 PM
racer812's Avatar
racer812 racer812 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: arizona
Posts: 114
Default

Your couple sounds, to me, like they were just swinging. I could be way off here. If you are able to, maybe go to dinner with them or bbq, but do it just as friends.
When K and I first started swinging, we were "exclusive" with them and them with us. But it kinda went sour after the woman in the other couple developed feelings for me. She didn't understand and didn't know how to handle them, so she cut everything off, it hurt. K and I are still very close with the male in the couple and they have since divorced, making the whole situation easier on all of us. All of us were very young and it was only suppose to be for fun, but when you interact with someone that many times in that way there are bound to be some emotions mixed in with it.
Hey I just realized something, I had strong feelings for this woman(love?). Maybe I'm not quite as mono as I thought.
__________________
I would rather be hurt by your honest than pleasured by you lies!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-01-2010, 07:17 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

Yes, originally, we all started out as "swinging".....but as the relationship went on, we (my wife and I) realized it was more and more of a "poly" relationship. But, for now.....we simply leave the "p-word" out of all convo's with them. LOL They have not been with any other people since being with us on New Years.

In talking with D yesterday, I told her that we loved them. She said the feeling was mutual. ......Now, in hind sight, I should have had her eloborate, but....I want to move slow this time around.....

L and I have always had a rule in the past of no kissing the other person we are with, on the lips.....but this rule is beginning to fall like the Berlin wall. One piece at a time....before, neither of us really had a DESIRE to kiss anyone else......now we do. For us, a kiss is the ultimate show of affection. Not sex. Oddly enough, for S and D, it is the same. I am weird....Just as I always suspected. LOL
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-01-2010, 10:09 PM
racer812's Avatar
racer812 racer812 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: arizona
Posts: 114
Default

The no kissing rule is not weird, K and I have the same rule. But it only applies to swinging. Looking back at our couple relationship, I wish I would have done things differently. Hind sight is always 20/20.
I think you 2 are going about this in the right way. take the pressure off and let the friendship grow. Good luck to you both.
__________________
I would rather be hurt by your honest than pleasured by you lies!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-01-2010, 11:40 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

Yeah, something else that we decided to do this time, was go without the kids. Even though OUR kids know about our relationship choices, theirs don't. We respect that, and don't get too touchy or anythign when their kids are around. But until yesterday, we had been seeing them with their kids right there all the time. It was tough to show them any kind of affection that way, and I think that may have been part of why we were "off again" for a while. So yesterday, we made time to re-connect. It was so nice. And one more thing....Just the simple touch.....it sounds so trivial, but when we all hugged for the evening....it was so nice and it made me feel so good afterward. That would be that NRE feeling creeping up again, but.....I'm hoping it doesn't go away this time. Not the feeling....That part never did go away for me.....I mean the physical touching. Anyway, I am rambling again.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-04-2010, 03:28 AM
racer812's Avatar
racer812 racer812 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: arizona
Posts: 114
Default

Awesome! I hope it goes well for you.
The touch doesn't sound trivial to me. Even with all that is happening in my life I still love when K just touches me, a hug, a caress on the arm, she still hold my hand( when kids let go of hers). So, no, the touch thing to me is not at all trivial.
__________________
I would rather be hurt by your honest than pleasured by you lies!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-30-2010, 12:22 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 275
Default

@TL4- I apologize. I responded to your original post which I now realize was done back in March and there have been a great deal of things that have changed in between.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-30-2010, 01:53 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

No problem. LOL Yes, a LOT has changed and happened between now and then. Unfortunatly.
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-08-2010, 04:02 AM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

Well damn...I have just now accepted that I am most likely bi-polar. :s EEK! Makes it a bit more difficult to have a "normal" relationship doesn't it? Sure am glad my wife puts up with me! LOL We DID say "for better or worse"....So maybe that's what it means. LOL Sigh......

The other day...I just gave completely up on every trying to talk to D again. in fact, if she says "hi" to me, I'll likely just walk away and not say anything. I've been nice and cordial, and TRIED to start up conversations. (the few times I've seen her in the last two months) and she has no part of it. Sooo.....moving on now.

I used to think that if someone was special enough, you try until all efforts have been exhausted. Well.....NOW...I feel that all that does is make you tired! LOL And now I'm moving on.

If I had the money today, my family and I would probably move to another state. Now I'm on a mission to get the money up to move. Not out of state, but move and not let S or D know where. If we see them at the store (not likely, but possible) we'll probably look the other way and walk away quickly. Of course, since I WORK with S...it makes it a bit more difficult...but I'll figure SOMETHING out I guess.

Now...am I supposed to be depressed today? or happy and excited? I'm so fucking confused! :P Right this moment, I'm just tired.
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-09-2010, 07:10 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

Holy crap! A day of clarity!

Today I am neither manic nor depressed. I am "normal".

With that being said, today, my motorcycle wouldn't start, so....I was forced to not go in to work today. (Oddly enough, after I called in, I got it figured out and started) Not working with S was nice for once. Not thinking about D was even better.

Plus, I have a woman who is interested in meeting me on Sunday, off OKC. Got my 65 Mustang running and drove it around a bit today. I did that as a back up in case the motorcycle won't start again tomorrow.

Anyway, not sure if my next mood will be manic, or depressive.....but until then, enjoy me as a "normal" person. LOL
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:57 AM.