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Old 07-30-2010, 04:41 PM
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Shades Shades is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 13
Default Curious

I'm taking some time to figure some things out about myself while I'm in a very long-distance mono relationship. We really care about each other, but we currently live on opposite sides of the world and are not sure when or if we'll get to live in the same country together again. I'm sticking it out for now, but I don't want any international relocation to go on for a relationship that might not be right for one or both of us.

I seem to be able to have both mono and poly relationships. I've been successful at both. I used to think I preferred monogamy in a rational sense "because it's less stressful to only deal with one person at a time," but recent experiences have indicated that I may really be more poly-inclined.

Increasingly, I find that I often have genuine romantic feelings for more than one person at a time. Within the monogamous world, this is awkward. But I think it is actually a good thing - if I have love to share with more than one person, why not share it? I also find that I am more comfortable in open relationships. I like the freedom, and the level of trust and compassion that develops when you are confident that your involvements with other people will not threaten the emotional bond that you share. In other words, I tend to feel closer to a primary partner when our relationship is poly or open.

I've always dreamed of being in a triad with a woman and a man. I've always thought of this as unrealistic because it's hard enough to find one person I'm deeply compatible with, but I think the fact that it's been a long-held fantasy could indicate that I might be poly.

Also, monogamy always ends up feeling like a sacrifice. When I've been in a mono relationship for a year or so, I get crushes on other people who would fulfill me in ways that my partner doesn't. I think I'd feel most fulfilled with a primary partner and secondary FWB type relationships.

And I never care what my partner does as long as it doesn't directly harm our relationship. I don't get jealous because someone I love is having fun, but I do get mad if it seems like I'm being lied to, or if someone is trying to make me jealous. I've only experienced the latter two in mono relationships. For me, it seems like when there's more freedom, there's less jealousy. Monogamy can be hard to perfectly adhere to in practice; it can lead to situations in which people are tempted to lie. I'd rather let go of expectations that may be unrealistic, and just enjoy life to the fullest extent, and be honest.
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Old 07-30-2010, 05:37 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 07-30-2010, 07:55 PM
DazednConfused DazednConfused is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 119

Nice intro, it actually gave me some food for thought. Look forward to reading more.
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