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  #1  
Old 06-04-2009, 03:44 PM
cjj23464 cjj23464 is offline
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Default Greetings from VA Beach

Hi from VB. I'm a 41 year old female and I've been married to my husband for 21 years. He has had a few affairs, but I recently found out it goes deeper than that. He has asked me if I can accept that our relationship is going to be open on his side. I need guidance and was unsure where to look until I found this site. It's not like I can talk to anyone I know about this stuff. I think I'm okay with it, but it is difficult at times. I know I can't possibly be the only person who has ever experienced this. Any input or resources would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 06-05-2009, 12:29 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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I think you're in the right place here......I am a relatively new member and have been helped greatly by being on here. I recently (6 months ago)put my wife of 27 years on the spot like your husband has you. If your marriage is worth saving, if you still love him and want to grow old with him and he with you, but with more friendship and love in your lives, then poly may be what you're looking for. If however, the love and respect is not mutual, then this lifestyle may just be a free pass for him to screw around, IMO. Know this, there are so many variations and reasons for poly.....hopefully one will apply and fit for you. The thing I've realized being on here is there is no norm. 100 different relationships, 100 different reasons, 100 different ways. As long as one of them works for you guys, then roll with it.
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  #3  
Old 06-07-2009, 10:47 AM
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Danny40179 Danny40179 is offline
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Welcome CJ. Mark said it best. There's a different type of poly relationship for every person out there. It just had to be something that works best for everyone involved. I also want to ask a question. Are you ok with poly because you feel like this is the only choice you have to keep your husband? I only ask, because if that's the case then it won't work. This lifestyle isn't for everyone and that's ok. (I recently had a reminder of just that fact)

Please ask us questions and I hope you find what makes you happy.
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Old 06-08-2009, 02:30 AM
cjj23464 cjj23464 is offline
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Thanks for the welcome. I have asked myself the same question. I'm not sure where I stand yet. This has all come to light rather recently and I am currently searching for answers. I know that I love my husband and can't imagine life without him.
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  #5  
Old 06-08-2009, 02:46 AM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cjj23464 View Post
I know that I love my husband and can't imagine life without him.
This is by far one of the most imporatant an significant feeling you can have for entering into the poly lifestyle, IMO. (I don't speak for all)

What I find, is that by opening your heart, and putting your feelings out, you have established that regardless of his actions, you will still love him.

Next, you have to flip the coin, and decide whether you can find other loves to share your heart with. It might be your children, or other family members. I could be another man, or even a girlfriend; but to me, poly is sharing love, not just fooling around behind someones back. When I say love, I mean love; not sex. How do you know the difference? Easy. Would you run into a burning building to save someone you only had sex with?


You have established a trust that goes beyond the standard boundaries of monagamy, and begins to establish community. I see this as the strong part of poly. Have you noticed the lack of community in today's society? Gang activity? Road rage? Random violence? Apathy? Unkindness, and even abuse of strangers? Poly might not be the cure, but it is a path of potential relief. Just my humble (and honest) opinion.

Welcome to the site.

Last edited by alphafour; 06-08-2009 at 02:53 AM.
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  #6  
Old 06-08-2009, 05:38 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Well said, Aplha......
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  #7  
Old 06-16-2009, 05:39 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alphafour View Post
This is by far one of the most imporatant an significant feeling you can have for entering into the poly lifestyle, IMO. (I don't speak for all)

What I find, is that by opening your heart, and putting your feelings out, you have established that regardless of his actions, you will still love him.

Next, you have to flip the coin, and decide whether you can find other loves to share your heart with. It might be your children, or other family members. I could be another man, or even a girlfriend; but to me, poly is sharing love, not just fooling around behind someones back. When I say love, I mean love; not sex. How do you know the difference? Easy. Would you run into a burning building to save someone you only had sex with?


You have established a trust that goes beyond the standard boundaries of monagamy, and begins to establish community. I see this as the strong part of poly. Have you noticed the lack of community in today's society? Gang activity? Road rage? Random violence? Apathy? Unkindness, and even abuse of strangers? Poly might not be the cure, but it is a path of potential relief. Just my humble (and honest) opinion.

Welcome to the site.
I love what you say here alpha. I enjoy your passion on this topic. I feel it matches mine. I don't always agree with you, but can appreciate we are all learning and all on our own path.
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