Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-15-2012, 06:12 PM
blackendedheart blackendedheart is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1
Smile New to poly world, need advice

My name is Amanda I am 29 years old, 1 failed marriage, 2 beautiful daughters and currently a single status but seeing 2 people. They both know of the other but hate each other as they both want me and i want them both. I have felt like my feelings are wrong, and I should bury them and just be miserable with one and leave the other, but at the same time when i think about it it rips me apart. I truly love both and wish I could make this work. Is there any web sites that someone can share with me that can perhaps help both these amazing men in my life understand how I feel. And maybe just maybe whe can make our triad work.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-15-2012, 07:15 PM
Stevenjaguar Stevenjaguar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In a flat place in the middle of the US.
Posts: 91
Default

I've been one of the guys in a situation like this. There's no choice but to keep them apart. It'll only last as long as they're okay with sharing you. Mine lasted about a year (and then she married him and it stopped). Good luck with that and try not to feel too stressed to enjoy them both.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-15-2012, 10:40 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 4,429
Default

Hi Amanda,
Welcome to our forum.

Franklin Veaux has a good site you can direct the guys to, the FAQ page in particular. This is partly up to the guys, as they must be willing to take a closer look at their feelings and see if they can tell what they're really worried about. If they're determined to stay mad at each other, it's not like you can make them do the homework.

Polyamory is certainly a viable option as long as everyone involved agrees to it and works on communication, etc.

I hope this site will be of some help to you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:10 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,118
Default

Please visit the Golden Nuggets section of this forum for threads with some recommended links. And good luck!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-18-2012, 08:20 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130
Default

One quick note about terminology: this will never be a "triad" because that basically means all three people are in a romantic relationship with the other two people. So that would mean both of your guys are romantic boyfriends to each other. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's never going to happen.

In response to your question, Opening Up (Tristan Taormino) is a helpful book about non-monogamy. Many non-poly people have read it to understand what their poly partners or friends are feeling. Reading it yourself will help you relate to their concerns and give you tools to address them.

There are websites of course, but I personally think that books are better at putting everything in one place in a way that you're more likely to read it all. It's easy to hop & skip through websites, without getting to the heart of what you're looking at. The book might raise questions that they can explore further online, armed with more information.
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-19-2012, 04:29 AM
faithfulkitty faithfulkitty is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 7
Default

Ok I don't want to be a downer here but if the two guys truely hate each other and don't want to share you then this won't work. However if they love you and want you to be happy the go with the book it is a wonderful rescource. A friend of ours got it in hopes of undeerstanding our household and while reading it she realised she was poly and had been her whole life.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-18-2012, 09:56 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 708
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackendedheart View Post
And maybe just maybe we can make our triad work.
If one or both of them are straight and you're trying to force the relationship into a triad configuration it's just not going to work. If what you're after is actually a Vee then perhaps you could make that clear to them. Them having a background worry that they're expected at some stage to become intimate with someone they don't find attractive isn't going to calm anyone's nerves.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:02 PM.