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Old 07-16-2010, 09:01 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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I may have missed a thread or two addressing this; if so, pardon me and mods, feel free to move this to an existing thread if necessary.

I have no intention of opening up a big can of worms (do worms even come in cans?)

I got into a terrible flame war once several years ago with a guy who ran a swingers' club. I had never really looked into it before this and didn't know anything about it. His rules were very strict: no single guys (which I can understand, I guess) and no male-to-male contact of any kind. I didn't really want to be sexual with men, so much, as I just had my homophobia radar switch on, and I thought the whole swinging scene was sort of damned by this double standard, revealed as just another patriarchal hetero means of oppressing women. The guy who ran the swingers' club did not appreciate my opinion. haha.

I am very mildly bi. Although I am rarely sexually attracted to men, it has happened a few times. I have never had a sexual relationship with a guy (other than some fooling around in early puberty) and haven't been in a sexual situation with another man present. So my own experience is very limited here. There are men I love thoroughly and completely, but there is no sexual feeling there.

In polyamory, is there a similar taboo against male to male sexual expression? Is there such a thing as a male unicorn? Do people have poly groups, families, triads here that involve men being sexual with men? I have sensed in my short time here that women with women is more common. I also understand there are DADT arrangements where bi men in hetero relationships are "allowed" to have sex with men on the side. I was good friends with a guy who was in an arrangement like this and it worked fine for him and his wife, not always so great for his male lovers.

Also, in the reading I've done here so far, I have yet to encounter a gay male poly scenario, without a hetero component. I don't think I've read about a lesbian poly situation without a hetero component either.

Anyway, just wondering.

Immaterial
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Old 07-16-2010, 09:11 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by immaterial View Post
(do worms even come in cans?)
Yes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by immaterial View Post
In polyamory, is there a similar taboo against male to male sexual expression? Is there such a thing as a male unicorn? Do people have poly groups, families, triads here that involve men being sexual with men?
There are plenty of homophobes who identify as poly-, but I wouldn't say that there is a "taboo" about male homosexuality in any of the poly- communities I've known. There are definitely people out there looking for a male unicorn -- see polymatchmaker for ads from people looking for one. I know several people in poly- relationships in which some or all of the participants are men sleeping with men.
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Old 07-16-2010, 09:35 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I don't think we have any homophobes in our community...and a fair number of men are bisexual. Probably regional I would think.
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Old 07-17-2010, 01:37 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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From what I have seen, male homosexuality is more accepted in poly circles than in swinger circles. There are always exceptions, but it seems that way from people I have talked to.
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Old 07-17-2010, 05:39 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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I don't think we have any homophobes in our community...and a fair number of men are bisexual. Probably regional I would think.
Maybe they're just closeted homophobes (it was funny in my head)
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Old 07-17-2010, 08:26 PM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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Closeted homophobes are dangerous! The worst homophobes are the gay or bi ones. Go figure.

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Old 07-24-2010, 11:15 PM
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Siren Siren is offline
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I am actually active in the swinger lifestyle. I have witnessed some male/male action. Most men in the swinger lifestyle however are straight or bi comfortable (everyone has their own definition of that ). I personally dont know anyone (swingers) that have issues with bi men. I have noticed though that there are no homosexually identified persons on the site i'm a part of.

In a different direction. I am very curious as to the reason why ALL the couples or families seeking others, in the poly forums, is usually MFF/F couples. I would be very interested to find 2 men to have a life with. I like women alot, dont get me wrong. I just find it easier to be in relationships with men. Most of the women ive tried dating are not easy to deal with. Maybe I just havent found enough poly people in general to make my assumptions.

So for me I would be happy to have 2 men in my life who have affection for each other, as long as I get my affection somewhere too.
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Old 07-25-2010, 02:31 PM
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phoenix762 phoenix762 is offline
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curious. What's a 'unicorn'?
-as to the male on male, I was wondering, seems you'd see more female on female, yeah?
Mind I don't know, it's just what I read-hear....
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Old 07-25-2010, 04:20 PM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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From 2002 to 2009, I was active on swinger's forums, and also met couples from personal ad sites. There are some bi men on those sites. A small minority list themselves as bi. Then a larger percentage list themselves as straight, but they are bi (my guess is that between 25% to 33% are this way). In general, on the forums, and from what I've heard about on premise swing clubs, male bisexuality is done quietly, and not openly.

It has been my experience that bi males are much more accepted in the Austin poly group, than in the swinger's scene. That is a generalization. Usually, the swinger couples with bi males don't go to clubs as much, and tend to look for a small number of bi play partners to play with at home.
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Old 07-25-2010, 08:21 PM
drgnsyr drgnsyr is offline
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My first poly relationship was MFM. Now, while the two guys were, in many ways, dating, they were not in a sexual relationship with each other. However, they were often in sexual situations with me simultaneously (Does that qualify as a male unicorn? I certainly found it "magical") and were comfortable being that close. We had a all-sitting-around-th-house-naked kind of relationship.

My current partner is bi and I admit, I get really turned on by the idea of him with another guy. My husband has no desire to be that guy, but there are plenty of other options.

So ... I can't speak for the community as a whole, but my poly experience has been pretty guy/guy friendly.
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