Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-28-2012, 05:11 PM
polyhesitant polyhesitant is offline
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
Default New and confused

Hi everybody, been looking at this forum for some time now, getting the nerve to post. So here it goes. My bf and I moved in with with our "poly" couple about a year ago. Just as friends while the husband of the couple was deployed. A few months in the topic of poly came up and I agreed to try although not till the hubby came home from deployment to avoid any lopsidedness. During this time the wife and my bf started getting really close, I was the one working so they were home all day together that's when the twinges of jealousy started for me. They connected on so many levels that he could never with me. Fast forward to the hubby finally coming home and after a month I backed away from the poly letting them all know I felt sex was far too much of a focus for everyone. All I studied on poly was more than room switches and the men swapping stories. In all honesty I have little to no desire to sleep with anyone but my bf. Everyone aggreed (least they told me they did) to give me time. But the comments come out every few days...how I'm not interested in poly cuz I'm not ok with swapping that I want my relationship with my bf to be more solid before juggling more.....heck really I love these people and would do anything for them but I'm just not sexual parts of it and feel poly should be deeper. I'm beyond confused because at the same time it feels so unbalanced. I work most everyday and so does the hubby...leaving the wife and my bf to bond all day. My bf won't share or open up the way he does for her ani had whem I focus what few hrs I get off work on the bf I get to feel guilty because comments of how I'm not focused on them. I've tried talking to them and all of them say its just me and my jealousy and I'm being childish. I just don't know what to do.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2012, 02:56 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,329

Your body is yours to share with who you wish.

If you do not wish to share it? Don't.

What kind of open model relationship are they wanting? They sound like they want swinging. You sound like you want something else.

Any hope of people pointing to something on the list and going "THAT one. That is what I am after here" so you all can at least get clear on what people want/expect here?

As for jealousy -- what's that speak to? Are you doing all of page 5 for yourself? Are they doing page 6 for you and giving support? Or leaving you out on a limb / minimizing / putting you down? What kind of support/nurture can you expect from this open relationship -- whatever model it is? Do you feel emotionally safe in this relationship?

You have the right to want what you like best in your romances. So does everyone else. If all the wants do not match up -- then there's some choices to make and things to reconcile.

Hang in there. BREATHE.

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-29-2012 at 02:59 AM.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2012, 04:30 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

They all sound like assholes, to be honest. You shouldn't be disrespected and made to feel bad because it's not the kind of situation you want to be in. You are right in that poly is about much more than sex. <sigh> I don't know what else to say except to ask why you stay? Doesn't sound loving and nurturing to me.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2012, 06:54 PM
Wizzard Wizzard is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10

So, you're working full time, and when you do get home, you're confronted with people harassing you for something you're not comfortable with? The 2 people who don't work sit home, flirting and scheming?

I agree with nycindie, that doesn't sound very loving and nurturing. It SOUNDS like you (and the husband) are being taken advantage of.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:14 AM.