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Old 10-23-2012, 09:59 PM
BlackJester BlackJester is offline
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Default Can bondage be poly?

Hey all, minor recap to those whom I haven't met, my girlfriend of three years and are are just embarking on the concept of polyamory, and other consensual non monogamy. Few nights ago she approached me about her fetish (if it counts as one) about being involved with multiple partners at once sexually. A gangbang to put a blunt point. I'm perfectly ok with this and it actually makes me feel more accepted that she shares the views I do in some capacity already.

Here's where things get kinky. I'm into self bondage and she's expressing more direct interest in traditional BDSM, especially since I disclosed my views on polyamory. My question to the masses is whether or not BDSM can be a healthy mechanic in this situation? We're the sweetest things to each other day to day and the sex is fantastic with our newfound excitement, but I can't help wonder if this would be a healthy environment for poly realtions if the control games of BDSM are present. Thoughts, views?
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:08 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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My fiancee and I have a mix of a regular and BDSM relationship (I'm a submissive). My relationship with Lamian and Darkeyes is a pure BDSM one (I'm their pet). My relationship with Primal has no BDSM elements in it.

So yes, poly relationships can work within a BDSM setting.
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:21 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Poly can and does work within a BDSM framework. There are a couple fetlife poly groups you can look into. But I would caution you that not everyone kinky is looking for a loving relationship.
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:24 PM
BlackJester BlackJester is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrigidsDaughter View Post
Poly can and does work within a BDSM framework. There are a couple fetlife poly groups you can look into. But I would caution you that not everyone kinky is looking for a loving relationship.
And not everyone looking for love will be kinky. Fact of life it seems lmao.
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:43 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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It can. But doesn't necessarily.

I am submissive to one partner, Dominant to the other.

My submissive partner has a tattoo on the back of his neck acknowledging his submission to me. Very cool.

We do have a rule:
No one else Dom's my sub and I have no other subs..
No one else Dom's me but my Dom and my Dom takes no other subs.

It's ok to play with BDSM activities with others if one wishes-but no formal recognition of position.
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Old 10-24-2012, 12:13 AM
BlackJester BlackJester is offline
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@radiance: I'd love to hear more about that tat (ink freak lmao) and very interesting relationship model, very clearly defined rules without the pigeon hole problem of "must match criteria"
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  #7  
Old 11-21-2012, 06:19 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Hi Jester

Like a lot of other people here, I agree that kink and poly can go hand-in-hand, rope-on-wrist, paddle-on-ass, etc... ~grins~

I like Schrodinger's suggestion to perhaps explore one thing at a time.

I know from experience that for me *personally*, too many rocky things can make me topple. I'd rather deal with one new, potentially emotional or stressful situation at a time, than pile them all up at once. But then, I'm a scaredy cat and you may be braver.

Hmmm... as for BDSM and poly... do you specifically mean in terms of say... Master/sub relationships tending to be monogamous, therefore, where's the room for other partners? Or do you mean in terms of health and safety?

I am a Domme and unlike a lot of Mistresses and Masters, I do not actually believe in the idea of submissives having to stick to one dominant...yet Dom/mes being able to have multiple submissives. I feel that if I want multiple submissives, all of them can play with other Dom/mes. If I got to the point of collaring a submissive, I would arrange rules that we were both happy with; but definitely not a blanket "you are my submissive, you must not date anyone else". That kind of 24/7 control is reserved, in my eyes, for Master/slave relationships.

As for safety... I feel it is the same as any other kind of poly. Make sure you use protection, discuss what kind of sex is ok (everything? no oral? no fluid exchanges?) Get regular STI tests, etc.

BDSM can be a great mechanic in poly. Both my girlfriend and I are Mistresses and her husband is a switch. If I can eventually have a girl, she can have a boy and her husband can join in, then we have a little poly group that is safe and trustworthy, yet still flexible and fresh.

I hope that helps to answer your question!
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me: open poly (31, female)

involved with:
GF: (41, female) my long-distance, long-term partner
Earth: (35, female) newly dating

metamours:
Hubby: (38, male) GF's husband
Garcon: (28, male) GF's boyfriend/submissive



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