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  #1  
Old 10-14-2012, 04:55 AM
CuriousityNChance CuriousityNChance is offline
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Default 2 men looking for a woman

Hi everyone,

My name is Dale and my best-friend and I are looking for a woman that we can both get to know and fall in love with. We are straight, but we did fall in love with each other and have a sexual relationship. We don't consider ourselves gay and don't do any pentrative sex other than oral, which is why we'd like a woman that we can both love, live with and eventually have kids with. I'm a 29 y.o. Agnostic black man and he's a 21 y.o. Atheist white man and we'd be looking for a woman from early to mid 20's (race and religion not important).
We both like to travel ALOT and see different parts of the world. And we're both the outdoors adventurous type. I don't expect this to get me anywhere but I figured at least say I tried

Thanks and have a great day/night
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  #2  
Old 11-02-2012, 11:42 PM
shallei shallei is offline
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Hello,
I'm glad you tried.
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  #3  
Old 11-03-2012, 12:04 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Hello and welcome to the Forums!

My husband and my boyfriend were best friends before I got involved with Dude and I really think that that has been a key factor in why our configuration is working for all of us. My boys are both straight, but, while they don't have a sexual relationship with each other, they do love each other and are fine with having sexual encounters with me at the same time (although that is not our usual encounter). I have read a number of women here state that the idea of being with two men who are also with each other is quite a turn-on for them - so you may, in fact, be able to find what you are seeking (not necessarily here but in the world at large)

One thing that you may want to keep in mind as you are looking, however, is that relationships tend to form and grow at different rates. What often seems to happen is that the third person may be interested in both partners but the relationship with one will advance at a different pace than with the other. How would that affect your current relationship with each other and with her? Are you open for each of you dating separately while allowing the other the opportunity to meet and date your dating partners if she felt so inclined? Or is it a "package deal" from the get-go (a harder proposition)?

Just some food for thought.

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #4  
Old 11-03-2012, 09:09 AM
CuriousityNChance CuriousityNChance is offline
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Default Thanks JaneQSmythe

Thanks for your insight, yea we thought about what would happen if there was a stronger bond with one of us first before she would accept and love both of us the same. It's not a problem for us as long as she understands that our love for each other is probably going to be stronger than the love either of us would have for her for a while. And we will continue to practice our friendship in the same way.

We don't want to exclude her from anything and don't want to be excluded as well, but understand that bonds can grow asymmetrically and we are prepared to deal with that possibility.


<<CNC>>
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  #5  
Old 06-08-2013, 02:26 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CuriousityNChance View Post
Thanks for your insight, yea we thought about what would happen if there was a stronger bond with one of us first before she would accept and love both of us the same.
She may never love both of you the same, is NYCindie's point. She may fall deeply in love with one of you and barely be able to stand the other. If the loved partner also loved her, would he be forced to give her up if she didnt love the other guy? Is this fair to the ones that love each other?

Quote:
It's not a problem for us as long as she understands that our love for each other is probably going to be stronger than the love either of us would have for her for a while.
Well, you don't know that. New relationship energy (NRE) can be, usually is, intoxicating and overwhelming and can overshadow established relationship intimacy for 6-18 months. Do a tag search here on triads and unicorns to see how things typically go when a lover is "added" and expected to love equally.

Quote:
We don't want to exclude her from anything and don't want to be excluded as well, but understand that bonds can grow asymmetrically and we are prepared to deal with that possibility.
Best wishes! You may not be as prepared as you think...
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A standing prick hath no conscience. --Bill Shakespeare

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 60, poly-dating, and loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 38
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  #6  
Old 10-29-2014, 05:41 PM
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Oklahoma7Artist Oklahoma7Artist is offline
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Default Looking for the two men scenario, but.....

I'm looking for the two men scenario, but I'm older and to far away. I'm in Oklahoma. Good luck in your search guys.
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  #7  
Old 02-02-2015, 04:39 AM
Dickdomin Dickdomin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CuriousityNChance View Post
Thanks for your insight, yea we thought about what would happen if there was a stronger bond with one of us first before she would accept and love both of us the same.

We don't want to exclude her from anything and don't want to be excluded as well, but understand that bonds can grow asymmetrically and we are prepared to deal with that possibility.


<<CNC>>
As a man who has been in numerous multiple relationships and a father of two incredible daughters, I have never found love to be quantifiable.

My mother said it elegantly, though not the be all, "Yes, I love my children unequally. I tend to love the one I am with the most." When the whole famdamily was together, her inequality bounced around the room.
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  #8  
Old 11-03-2012, 09:12 AM
CuriousityNChance CuriousityNChance is offline
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Thanks, so far so am I
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  #9  
Old 11-03-2012, 03:33 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Welcome. You may want to indicate what part of the world you live in. Might make it easier for someone to consider.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #10  
Old 11-03-2012, 06:09 PM
CuriousityNChance CuriousityNChance is offline
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yea i guess that's a good point..i'm new to all of this. I'm currently living in Clarksville, TN.
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