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  #1  
Old 10-03-2012, 04:31 PM
raynedaze88 raynedaze88 is offline
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Default Not sure what to think...

So I've been with my current boyfriend for a couple years now,during which time I came out as bisexual.My boyfriend was very accepting of this and actually encourages me to explore that side of my sexuality and we have a good relationship all around.

My issue is this:we're currently in an open relationship,which I have no problem with.We've even discussed becoming poly.My problem is his choice of partner at this particular time.We've had a threesome with this girl in the past,which ended in disaster due to how he handled things,but we remained friends.

Fast forward to now:this girl has recently come back into our lives,and he's wanting to pursue that particular relationship again.I have my reservations about it after how things went the last time,and have said as much to him.He asked me to at least consider it,and more I think about it the more I don't want to do it.I also take issue with him texting her when we're trying to spend time together and trying to hide it from me.Ultimately I just feel like my feelings aren't being considered and that he's trying to make it all about him.

Am I making too big a deal about the situation,or do I have a reason to worry about what I'm seeing here?
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Old 10-03-2012, 04:42 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raynedaze88 View Post
I also take issue with him texting her when we're trying to spend time together and trying to hide it from me.Ultimately I just feel like my feelings aren't being considered and that he's trying to make it all about him.

Am I making too big a deal about the situation,or do I have a reason to worry about what I'm seeing here?
Did you talk to him and tell him this is bothering you yet? So far all I can see is that you've been thinking and feeling to yourself. Other people are not mind-readers, as much as they sometimes think they are and as much as we sometimes would like them to be. You are responsible for communicating your own thoughts and feelings, and the other person is responsible for communicating theirs.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 10-03-2012 at 04:44 PM.
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Old 10-03-2012, 05:05 PM
raynedaze88 raynedaze88 is offline
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I have talked to him about my hesitations,and it just doesn't seem to sink in.He's got a bad habit of not thinking things through before he acts,and when he becomes focused on something it's hard to shake him from it at times.There was a lot of drama with this girl the first time,and it comes across as he either isn't considering that or just doesn't care.

Long story short,he brought her in during a rough time in our lives and sprung her on me out of the blue.I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and went ahead with it,only to find out she was using us to get back at an ex(we dated the same guy,who also happens to be a mutual friend of my boyfriend's).She just broke up with another guy and we ran into her while we were out one night...needless to say he brought up trying again with me standing right there,knowing how I felt about it.

I honestly want to believe that he's not doing this to be a prick,but with what I'm seeing I don't know what to think.
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Old 10-03-2012, 05:11 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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If you were specific and explicit when you told him what bothers you and why (as you did in your posts here) and he blows it off and does those things anyway, i would say that yes, he is being a prick.
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Old 10-03-2012, 05:09 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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You feel whatever you feel when you feel it.

If my dh wanted to reopen an old flame I would expect him to change the behaviors toward me like that phone thing so I could see my needs are also being taken on board. You cannot hope to tend to another partner well when you shirk tending the one you already have. You risk your existing partner having mental and emotional pain by your doings

You have spoken up and his actions tell you he does not consider you

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-03-2012 at 05:20 PM.
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  #6  
Old 10-03-2012, 05:22 PM
raynedaze88 raynedaze88 is offline
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Exactly,it's already ruined the friendship with the ex-boyfriend she and I share,and I don't want this to ruin the relationship he and I already have.

The phone thing wouldn't be such an issue if he didn't do stuff like turning the screen away so I cant see what he's doing,or texting her so much that he doesn't even notice I got up from sitting next to him and left the room til I come back.I have his passcodes,but I shouldn't have to snoop just so I know what's going on.
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