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Old 09-28-2012, 04:21 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Default Spoon Theory and Polyamory

So this is something that popped into my head just reading little things on here.

First off spoon theory for those who don't know what it is.

This was designed by a person who has fibromiylga (sic I know) in talking about invisible diseases. Basically each day you are given a set number of spoons. Throughout the day things that you do use up your spoons and when you are out of them you are unable to pretty much do anything else that day. Some days getting out of bed won't take any spoons but other days you are in such a place that just getting out of bed takes up over half your spoons. But people supporting you (emotionally and physically by doing things for you) can help keep your spoons and replenish them at times.

So thinking about it with polyamory. Sometimes we get really worked up with things our paramours or metamours are doing. I wonder if a spoon discussion would help everyone know how various things affect them and how things work with them. That way we can try and let people in our lives know "hey my spoon count is getting really low" and hopefully that in it's own can be a stop-gap for having them think about what you may need from them or others in your/their life.
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Old 09-28-2012, 04:32 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I'm afraid I don't understand. What is the significance of spoons when it comes to invisible diseases and why would a polyamorous person describe polyamory as a disease?
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Old 09-28-2012, 05:02 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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I've heard of the spoon thing before, and it will probably pop up with a quick Google search if you are looking for more detail.

Here, polyamory isn't really being described as a disease. Essentially, the spoons represent what GalaGirl might call one's buckets. If they are empty (or you run out of spoons) then you don't have the energy or ability to deal with life's difficulties as well.

I think that what Cattiva is trying to say is that ones spoons (buckets) need to be properly tended in anyone's life and more particularly so when one faces a challenge or difficulty that could tend to strain them, such as a disease OR juggling multiple relationships.
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Old 09-28-2012, 05:08 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Why spoons? You can just use the same spoon over and over again, so you don't need more than one. Why did they pick that as the metaphor? I find it confusing. Using gas in a tank, for instance, would be an easy concept to understand for most people. A bunch of spoons just seems very random.
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Old 09-28-2012, 05:30 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Why spoons? You can just use the same spoon over and over again, so you don't need more than one. Why did they pick that as the metaphor? I find it confusing. Using gas in a tank, for instance, would be an easy concept to understand for most people. A bunch of spoons just seems very random.
That is what i was thinking, precisely. in order for an analogy to make sense, it should you know, make sense. I mean, I don't give my silverware to other people to hold on to for when i need it, so I don't see how a metaphor (it's a metaphor, not a "theory") about handing out spoons to other people is going to help when it comes to relationships.

Regular words work just fine.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 09-28-2012 at 05:32 PM.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:11 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I don't need spoons nor buckets, thank you very much. I can simply make an effort to examine my inner life, understand myself, and treat the people I care about with loving kindness. Why "tend to" spoons, buckets, or any other inanimate object when I can just tend to myself, what is present in my life, and my loved ones? No silly symbolism for me.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 09-28-2012 at 09:14 PM.
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