Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-27-2012, 03:55 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,175
Default Libido changes?

This is not just a poly question so, mods, if this is more appropriate elsewhere, please move it.

So I am a woman in my early forties. I am finding that my libido is MUCH more intense and stronger than anytime before in my life. No comparision to my thirties or twenties. I want sex more often, more intensely than ever before. I mentioned this to a woman friend who is slightly older than me and she said 'Welcome to your forties!'

It's not a bad thing, that's for sure! But sometimes it drives me a bit crazy. I do think that poly has had some effect - I have heard that the more one has sex, the more one wants sex. I think there is some personal truth for me in that statement.

It's been very unexpected. Have others experienced something similar? (I'm not just asking the women.) Is it hormones? Something else?

GG mentioned in another thread that she has friends who tell her 'That is what being in your [fill in age] is like, you're normal!' Or something along those lines. So I'm hoping for something similar here...
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-27-2012, 04:28 PM
Hannahfluke Hannahfluke is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 76
Default

I'll be forty in a few months. My libido has definitely increased as I've gotten older. I'm not sure how much of that is a result of no longer having small children and leaving a repressive religion and how much is a result of getting older.

I do find that in the last 11 months that I've been dating my boyfriend, my libido has shot up drastically. Before I started dating him I had one tertiary partner that I had sex with a few times a year and my husband, who I had sex with about twice a week with at that point. My boyfriend has a much quicker recharge rate than my husband, coupled with a higher libido in general. For the first couple of months that we dated we'd have marathon sex sessions every time we got together. It definitely slowed down some after we'd been dating a few months, but we still have more sex than I do with my husband. And I've found that having more sex has had the effect of making me think about and want sex more often. So I think right now it's a combination of getting older and an effect of poly.

Isn't this phenomenon part of the reason for cougars? Older women searching out younger men who can keep up with their desire for sex? Pairing the peak of the male sex drive with the peak of the female?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-27-2012, 04:30 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,503
Default

Age 43 - for me this started about age 38.

What Hannahfluke said
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-27-2012, 09:03 PM
SourGirl's Avatar
SourGirl SourGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 885
Default

I am definitely in the club of : ' The more I get it, the more I want it.'
I`ve always been in that club.

Something new : I am 36, and the past year, have also noticed a horomone-related sex drive.
( In addition to the first statement.)

So for me, they are not one and the same. I am having to 'talk' myself through some interesting moments, so I don`t make poor decisions.
It can drive me crazy some days. I find I have an all-or-nothing attitude. 'Little bites' just don`t work.
Either I shut that part of myself down, and focus on other things, or I let myself go,....no in-between.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-27-2012, 09:16 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,175
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hannahfluke View Post
Isn't this phenomenon part of the reason for cougars? Older women searching out younger men who can keep up with their desire for sex? Pairing the peak of the male sex drive with the peak of the female?
It is truly hysterically funny to me that I am indeed a cougar. I never thought I would be. (Whip is significantly younger than me.) When younger I thought older women/younger men was kinda weird (I was rather judgemental as a young'un). Now I get it. I have to have something in common - just being young, hot and ready to go is not enough. Nice, but not enough.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
...I am having to 'talk' myself through some interesting moments, so I don`t make poor decisions.
Oh yeah. Had one of those already. I slept with a good friend out of total horniness. I convinced myself the chemistry would be fine and it just wasn't. It turned out ok - we talked it out and remain good friends - but yeah, awkward. I do not want to do that again.

Last edited by opalescent; 09-28-2012 at 02:02 AM. Reason: Minor edit
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-27-2012, 09:29 PM
SourGirl's Avatar
SourGirl SourGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 885
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
It is truly hysterically funny to me that I am indeed a cougar. I never thought I would be.
Haha....
I definitely appreciate the 10+ years younger.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-27-2012, 11:37 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,249
Default

Well, well, well, if it isn't the ever lovely and (horny) Sourgirl. Its seem very fitting that a thread about libido changes and cougarism drew you out of retirement. My money was on the thread that talked about the fisting seminar's I know that topic was/is hard for you to resist ....regardless welcome back... you were missed


Thread idea ....sexual vampires: courgar's draining the life force out of unsuspecting young men under the guise of being poly. Feel free SG to cut and paste and fill us in on your summer vacation I really love your stories .

Hey you still owe me that story about Micheal Jackson. Don't think I forgot.


Opal
I don't think I noticed a shift in libido due to age as much as life circumstance and a career change.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01-06-2013, 12:55 AM
Tom Tom is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 10
Default

I'll speak on my wife's behalf and say that her libido increase had to do with 2 main things: 1. her age (shes 44 now) 2. and her bf. I'll preface by adding that she was never a sex nympho back when we were still monogamous. We would have sex about 2-3 times a week. She was very content and even thought 2-3 times was too much at times. That was in her mid to late thirties after having 2 children.

But her libido gradually started to increase the last couple of years when she entered her 40s. Unfortunately, during her libido climb, I was on the verge of getting into my libido decrease. When she finally brought her bf into her sex life, they would have sex 2-3 times a week just like we used to at the peak of our libido as a couple. But that wasn't the thing that surprised me the most about my wife's libido increase. What surprised me was that her sexual limits increased as well. Her "size limit" increased and her interest in kinky and more exciting sex also increased. If you had mentioned kinky or exhibitionist sex to my wife a couple of years ago, she would have scoffed. It's a completely different story now.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 01-06-2013, 09:45 AM
Helo's Avatar
Helo Helo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 279
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
This is not just a poly question so, mods, if this is more appropriate elsewhere, please move it.

So I am a woman in my early forties. I am finding that my libido is MUCH more intense and stronger than anytime before in my life. No comparision to my thirties or twenties. I want sex more often, more intensely than ever before. I mentioned this to a woman friend who is slightly older than me and she said 'Welcome to your forties!'

It's not a bad thing, that's for sure! But sometimes it drives me a bit crazy. I do think that poly has had some effect - I have heard that the more one has sex, the more one wants sex. I think there is some personal truth for me in that statement.

It's been very unexpected. Have others experienced something similar? (I'm not just asking the women.) Is it hormones? Something else?

GG mentioned in another thread that she has friends who tell her 'That is what being in your [fill in age] is like, you're normal!' Or something along those lines. So I'm hoping for something similar here...
I cant exactly speak from experience (my experience with being a woman in her 40's is VERY limited) but I do know that changes in libido can be linked to a couple of different factors.

First, how happy you are. If you're depressed or stressed, sex generally seems less appealing. You may still want it but you dont have that "fire" that you otherwise might.

Second, health. That's probably the biggest one that I've experienced personally. If you feel like crap, sex is less appealing because of how you feel. I lost like 30 pounds and started working out and good gods there were days where I felt like I could screw for HOURS and not feel like I'd had enough. Those were often on days that, for reasons I've yet to figure out, I felt like I could get in a fist fight with a moving bus and win.

I've been experimenting with various neurotransmitters in the brain and I've noticed there are definitely...combinations that contribute to increased sex drive but I have no idea how the dosages relate to normal levels in the brain.
__________________
=DISCLAIMER=
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 01-06-2013, 09:45 PM
bassman bassman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Surrey UK
Posts: 262
Default

I am a male, and I passed this observation to a female friend who says this

"0ver 40, osedtrogen begins declining, and testosterone becomes boss. Testosterone is vital to women and thier sex drive"
__________________
Male M, struggling noob.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
aging, libido, sex

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:35 PM.