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  #1  
Old 09-15-2012, 04:01 PM
StrayKitten StrayKitten is offline
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Default Time Management

I'm not sure how to balance my two relationships time-wise. See, I have my primary (D) who had kids, two weeks at a time, so I barely get to see him during that time. But I've adjusted to making up for that during the two weeks he doesn't have them, which has been perfect for me and how my attention works.

Now though, I've added my girlfriend (H) to the picture, and don't really know how to strike a balance between seeing both of them enough. It also doesn't help that I feel awkward if I see her 2-3 times in a row without seeing D. I'm still figuring out if I'm poly, but I know that I can't, currently, walk away from either without serious regrets and resentment and that I badly *want* to find a way to make time work in my favor.

The best thing I've come up with is setting aside days for both of them each week, so that I have set days I can spend with each of them...

How do others work time for all of their partners?
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  #2  
Old 09-15-2012, 04:58 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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For clarification - do you not live with the person you refer to as your "primary"?

Different people have different definitions of the term, and it would be wise to make sure that we understand which version you understand.

For me, a primary by definition, is someone that I live with. A secondary is someone who I don't live with.
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  #3  
Old 09-15-2012, 06:07 PM
StrayKitten StrayKitten is offline
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I do not live with either partner. I have been dating D for (roughly) 6 months, and H for roughly 1 month.

**edit**
I don't live with anyone, no housemates, no kids, just me

Last edited by StrayKitten; 09-15-2012 at 06:10 PM.
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Old 09-16-2012, 04:00 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I'd probably schedule some set days to see them - so that they had at least one day minimum a week to see me _if that is what they wanted to do_ too. If I was dating two people who didn't live with me but wanted to see me lots, I'd probably set two aside for each a week, then if one was busy that week, I'd see friends or do laundry or see my other partner (but that's just what would work for me).

That would also help if they start dating other people, to know that they always schedule around those date nights with you, so there's not a lot of confusion about schedules or you end up not getting to see them sometimes because you only had Friday free and they made other plans that night because they didn't know.

Really there are benefits to many different types of scheduling, it really depends on the personalities of those involved and how you can compromise to try to get everyone's needs met. Some people WILL not like making or sticking to a schedule, some people can't do without, so I'd talk to both my partners before thinking about it too much.
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Old 09-17-2012, 10:19 AM
Papillon Papillon is offline
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I would say talk to them both (together if possible) about what time they want/need and how to schedule things in the best way possible. You say that you sometimes feel bad about how things work currently, but do you know for sure that your primary partner is bothered by it? Talk to him! Then everyone can be on the same page about what you all want & what is expected.

We have a schedule - slightly different situation as I live with my primary partner (my husband), but we have two days a week where we are scheduled to see our other partners (my boyfriend & his girlfriend). Some of these days are as separate couples, some are together socially as a four. Some of them are overnights, some not. It's all planned on the schedule.

The important caveat for us is that this is a minimum, a commitment to when we will always make time for them (barring exceptional circumstances, obviously). We actually often do things over and above that minimum, depending on work rotas or planned activities etc.
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Old 09-17-2012, 01:17 PM
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jasaty jasaty is offline
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I agree, talk to them and if you can schedule days with each so that they know when they can see you and not make plans for other things.

I personally need a schedule. I live for schedules. Whether it's for our daughter or my own personal one. I'm not the type of person who likes things sprung on them. I hope you are able to find a balance.
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