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  #1  
Old 09-06-2012, 07:17 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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This is probably going to seem very elementary to most people but its something I've been having a lot of trouble with.

How do you date as a poly person? More specifically, how do you find poly people TO date?

I had thought when officially "came out" that I wouldn't have any real trouble finding other poly people. I mean, I'm in LA, if there is anywhere in the world I'd expect there to be an abundance of polyamorous people (or even just poly friendly people) it'd be LA.

I'm actually having a very hard time finding other polyamorous or non-monogamous people and especially people around my own age (25). There is a meetup group for the LA area and while they're all very wonderful people, most are a little on the older side.

I've tried to network out from there but I keep hitting a dead end. Is there some secret gathering place I don't know about? I've also been on OkCupid (which has been recommended to me by several other poly people as one of the best places online to find like-minded people) but very little luck there.

Why does it seem to be so difficult to find other poly people?
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  #2  
Old 09-06-2012, 11:42 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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My wife and I were struggling to find people as well. Then we went to some local gatherings and a few BDSM parties. Turns out, they were all hiding there! *shrug*

You should look for groups in your area. I'm sure some of the Californians on this site will have some tips of where to look. I know meetup.com is a good place for some of that stuff.
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Kyle: 27 year old male
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Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #3  
Old 09-06-2012, 12:58 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Sorry you haven't found folks in your age group at the meetups you have been to...

I recommend two basic things:
1. Be patient. Keep going to the meetings. If everyone just went to one or two meetings then gives up because there is nobody in the right age-range, then there never will be... I have seen things like this happen in our own poly group, but on a regional basis "I signed up but am not going back cos there aren't enough other people from my area.". Well, if everyone thought that way nothing is going to change.

2. Is there are reason you are restricting this to folks around your own age? I have always tended to find that physical age is deceptive - mental age is important when it comes to good relationships - and I don't just mean maturity, I mean ability to have fun.

So both ways, I would recommend sticking with your local group. At the worst you will make some new friends. And then, maybe, one month, someone will walk through the door that wows you...
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:49 PM
Wolfwood Wolfwood is offline
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I recommend traditional dating methods: meet lots of people (via online, nightlife, social circle, etc), flirt with them, inform them that you are poly and not remotely interested in a mono-relationship, and then keep the ones that stick around. It really doesn't need to be more complicated then that.

Dating is a numbers game. If you increase the number of people you talk to (flirt with), then you'll increase the chance of finding a good match.

Cheers,
-Wolf
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  #5  
Old 09-06-2012, 05:28 PM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
2. Is there are reason you are restricting this to folks around your own age? I have always tended to find that physical age is deceptive - mental age is important when it comes to good relationships - and I don't just mean maturity, I mean ability to have fun.
I'm not really restricting things that much. My low end is 20 and my high end is 35 so that's a pretty broad spectrum and I'm always willing to break that (within the law on the lower end) if I find someone exceptional. Much higher than 35 and we start to run into the problem of nothing in common and generational points of view that dont match very well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfwood View Post
I recommend traditional dating methods: meet lots of people (via online, nightlife, social circle, etc), flirt with them, inform them that you are poly and not remotely interested in a mono-relationship, and then keep the ones that stick around. It really doesn't need to be more complicated then that.

Dating is a numbers game. If you increase the number of people you talk to (flirt with), then you'll increase the chance of finding a good match.

Cheers,
-Wolf
That's sort of what I'm doing already, sans nightlife (I strongly dislike bars/clubs, really not my scene). I've been doing that for about eight months and the results have been rather meh. As soon as a woman hears "non-monogamous," they tend to bolt.
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  #6  
Old 09-06-2012, 06:04 PM
codydarkstalker codydarkstalker is offline
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I've honestly never looked for poly people. i hit on people I find attractive and am upfront about my relationship status. I also used a dating site to meet my secondary. Searching for poly people never occurred to me.
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  #7  
Old 02-07-2013, 07:22 PM
SrAh SrAh is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfwood View Post
I recommend traditional dating methods: meet lots of people (via online, nightlife, social circle, etc), flirt with them, inform them that you are poly and not remotely interested in a mono-relationship, and then keep the ones that stick around. It really doesn't need to be more complicated then that.

Dating is a numbers game. If you increase the number of people you talk to (flirt with), then you'll increase the chance of finding a good match.

Cheers,
-Wolf
I love this answer! Keep the ones that stick around!
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