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  #1  
Old 08-29-2012, 06:55 AM
Skye Skye is offline
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Default New to the board, looking for community

Hi there. I am a female that is part of a quad with my husband of 17 years and another married couple. We have been on and off quadded for the past two+ years, but have remained best friends throughout. My husband and I have two children, and our other half has one child. Our youngest child is biologically not my husband's, she is the other male's of our relationship, (by choice, due to my husband's infertility) but my husband and I are primary in her upbringing. We are out to all our families, although not all are supportive. We are not out, however, to our 11 year old son, which is a quandary. I am hoping to possibly find some support for this here. He does know about our youngest child not being his full sibling, though. The four of us, plus our three kids, are utterly, and completely, chosen family and this will never change.

Our personal arrangements allow for outside, agreed upon, partners. We have a hierarchy within the quad that our married partners are priority. I am lovers with the other female of the quad, but our husbands are not sexually intimate with each other.

I am hoping to find some community here, as it is hard to have to be in the closet with most everyone in real life. My close friends are aware of our lifestyle, but most people are not. My husband and I have had a somewhat open relationship for 8+ years, but we find being committed to another couple works best for us.

Thanks for reading!
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  #2  
Old 08-29-2012, 02:49 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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Welcome! I think this kind of situation is what my fiance and I were originally looking for. We haven't ended up with that exactly, but it would be nice one day to end up with at least one extra girl in our group. Right now I am in a V situation with my fiance and my boyfriend. Both of them are straight, so ideally more girls would be a bonus.

How did you meet your OSOs?
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  #3  
Old 08-29-2012, 04:31 PM
Skye Skye is offline
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We actually met them by complete happenstance, through a hobby club (non poly related) that my husband belongs to. It just turned out to be one of those chance occurrences. It is very hard to find four people that mesh well. I hope you can find what you are looking for.
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Old 08-29-2012, 05:13 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skye View Post
We actually met them by complete happenstance, through a hobby club (non poly related) that my husband belongs to. It just turned out to be one of those chance occurrences. It is very hard to find four people that mesh well. I hope you can find what you are looking for.
That is awesome. It is indeed to find that kind of connection in equal parts. Congratulations on finding it. :-)
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  #5  
Old 08-29-2012, 05:21 PM
tallOakland tallOakland is offline
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Welcome, I'm new as well, and I actually really like the idea of a quad, it seems so balanced. I look forward to seeing more of your posts about how things go with your friend.
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  #6  
Old 08-29-2012, 06:18 PM
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busbuddha busbuddha is offline
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Well, now I feel like I need to poke my head in and say hello.

I'm the husband of the couple Skye & Avatar are quadded with. How goes it?
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  #7  
Old 08-29-2012, 04:31 PM
Avatar Avatar is offline
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Well, well, well. Looks like you're going to make me come out of lurking mode, eh Lover?
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  #8  
Old 08-30-2012, 09:18 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well, welcome to all four of you, it is good to have you aboard.

Re (from Skye, Post #1):
Quote:
"I am hoping to find some community here, as it is hard to have to be in the closet with most everyone in real life."
It is, although you're doing pretty good if you're out to your close friends and family. Hopefully Polyamory.com can be a sort of support system for you. Are you out to anyone at your places of work?

Re:
Quote:
"We are not out, however, to our 11 year old son, which is a quandary. I am hoping to possibly find some support for this here."
Whatever support would be the most helpful. If you're looking for ideas about how to frame the conversation, you might tell him that the four of you are very close friends, and you just want to answer any questions he might have. It's not automatic that you would tell your 11-year-old about your sex life, but it's up to you, especially if he comes out and asks. As the parents, you have the prerogative about what you'll say and how you'll say it.

Anyway, I hope you won't hesitate to post any thoughts, questions, or concerns that you may have.

With wishing you well,
Kevin T.
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  #9  
Old 08-30-2012, 11:25 PM
Skye Skye is offline
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Hi Kevin,

I am a stay at home mom, so I don't have to worry about being out at work. My husband, Avatar, is out to his "work wife" but no one else. He doesn't really associate with anyone else at work. Busbuddha's wife is out to many people where she works, and has lost most of her friends because of it. It's unfortunate.

As far as telling our 11 year old, he knows his sister is biologically Busbuddha's daughter, and we speak very openly and honestly with him about sex and everything else, so not telling him about the 4 of us is difficult for me. I pride myself on being honest with him. Busbuddha and his wife are my children's godparents, and they are here ALL THE TIME, so he definitely knows we are best friends, and he likely knows more than that is going on. He sees us all being affectionate with each other even when we try to keep it under wraps. And he also knows we spend the night at each other's houses sometimes. He is a smart kid, but not one to pry.

Thanks for the welcome!
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  #10  
Old 08-31-2012, 12:53 AM
Avatar Avatar is offline
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Yeah, he's totally seen us being affectionate and kissing each other. We've asked him before what he thought about having Busbuddha and Buns as part of our family, and he was really excited by the idea.
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