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Old 08-26-2012, 03:20 AM
Renee555 Renee555 is offline
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Red face STI's and Polyamory.... does it work?

Hi!

I have just been exposed into the world of polyamory by a mutual friend/lover. I have yet to try it out for myself and label myself polyamorous, but I think this lifestyle was made for me!

The only issue is that i am diagnosed with herpes, and I already an uncomfortable even saying this to one partner, let alone a bunch. I am getting more comfortable with it, and Im surprised at how most people don't really mind.

Is there anybody out there with this same issue? Does polyamory still work for you? Do you have any advice?

Thank you for all of your feedback in advance!
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  #2  
Old 08-26-2012, 04:42 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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There is a huge thread here on practicing safer sex and STIs and another on HPV and herpes. If you do a search, you will find very thoughtful discussions. Welcome!
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Old 08-26-2012, 04:47 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I have had herpes since I was 15. As I'm in my late 30's now, that's not a small bit of experience.
I haven't had an issue and in fact have found that there's MORE acceptance in the poly-community than the mono-community. I think because there is more education AND people are more in tune with using protection and taking precautions.
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Old 08-26-2012, 05:01 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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I am probably going to sound very ignorant here... but isn't herpes transmissible even using a condom?

It's probably my biggest concern about having multiple partners. I confess I would not want to have sexual contact with a person who told me they had herpes because I wouldn't be comfortable with the risk. Does that make me a bad person?
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:34 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vicki82 View Post
. . . but isn't herpes transmissible even using a condom?

It's probably my biggest concern about having multiple partners. I confess I would not want to have sexual contact with a person who told me they had herpes because I wouldn't be comfortable with the risk. Does that make me a bad person?
No, you're not a bad person!

Herpes can be transmitted when the virus erupts and sheds, which is periodically - usually when the person is stressed. If you come in contact with the actual sore or blister, that's how you get it. When it isn't shedding, it lays dormant in the spinal column. So you can have sex with someone who has herpes and isn't shedding without worry. But you can get it if they are shedding and the eruption site is outside of the condom-protected area AND you come into contact with it. Most folks who are aware they have herpes say they know when an eruption is about to happen - they can feel some itching beforehand - but asymptomatic shedding can also occur. I've also heard that most people with herpes don't know they have it. So, you can play it as safe as you can, but there are always risks to get something from someone.

The medications for herpes suppress the viral shedding by "fooling" it with a substance (I think an amino acid, not sure) that connects to it and which it needs -- this prevents eruption, which is pretty much like not having herpes at all. It's also good to support the immune system with herbal supplements, which help when the body is stressed. Some people are very relaxed about herpes, and consider it nothing more than a "pesky skin condition," while others totally freak out about it probably because it's associated with sex. Chicken pox and shingles are forms of herpes also. The Herpes virus can be killed with soap and water, if you wash before infection takes place. So take a shower after sex - but don't share towels!

One's level of misery with HSV1, known as "oral herpes," or HSV2, known as "genital herpes," probably depends on where the eruption happens. The herpes virus, once lodged in the spine, always takes the same route via the nervous system to the skin's surface and so the outbreak is always in the same spot. So, if you get a little patch on your upper buttocks or thigh, probably no biggie (and easier to avoid or cover up during sex, I think), but if the eruption always happens on the genitals, ouchie! But you can get HSV1 on the genitals and HSV2 on the mouth. I think about 80% of the population has HSV1 anyway, usually by kisses from grandma, and I've heard that somewhere around 50% has HSV2.

Sites to learn more:
http://www.herpesdiagnosis.com/blood.html
http://www.herpesite.org/index.html
www.herpes.com
http://sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/

For threads here on STIs and safer sex:
Safe Sex - Standards, Practices, Information & Resources
HPV - Shouldn't we talk about it?
(there is some talk about herpes in this thread, not just HPV)
fluid bonding/bareback
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 08-26-2012 at 07:36 PM.
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Old 08-26-2012, 10:09 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
No, you're not a bad person!

Herpes can be transmitted when the virus erupts and sheds, which is periodically - usually when the person is stressed. If you come in contact with the actual sore or blister, that's how you get it. When it isn't shedding, it lays dormant in the spinal column. So you can have sex with someone who has herpes and isn't shedding without worry. But you can get it if they are shedding and the eruption site is outside of the condom-protected area AND you come into contact with it. Most folks who are aware they have herpes say they know when an eruption is about to happen - they can feel some itching beforehand - but asymptomatic shedding can also occur. I've also heard that most people with herpes don't know they have it. So, you can play it as safe as you can, but there are always risks to get something from someone.

The medications for herpes suppress the viral shedding by "fooling" it with a substance (I think an amino acid, not sure) that connects to it and which it needs -- this prevents eruption, which is pretty much like not having herpes at all. It's also good to support the immune system with herbal supplements, which help when the body is stressed. Some people are very relaxed about herpes, and consider it nothing more than a "pesky skin condition," while others totally freak out about it probably because it's associated with sex. Chicken pox and shingles are forms of herpes also. The Herpes virus can be killed with soap and water, if you wash before infection takes place. So take a shower after sex - but don't share towels!

One's level of misery with HSV1, known as "oral herpes," or HSV2, known as "genital herpes," probably depends on where the eruption happens. The herpes virus, once lodged in the spine, always takes the same route via the nervous system to the skin's surface and so the outbreak is always in the same spot. So, if you get a little patch on your upper buttocks or thigh, probably no biggie (and easier to avoid or cover up during sex, I think), but if the eruption always happens on the genitals, ouchie! But you can get HSV1 on the genitals and HSV2 on the mouth. I think about 80% of the population has HSV1 anyway, usually by kisses from grandma, and I've heard that somewhere around 50% has HSV2.

Sites to learn more:
http://www.herpesdiagnosis.com/blood.html
http://www.herpesite.org/index.html
www.herpes.com
http://sfcityclinic.org/stdbasics/

For threads here on STIs and safer sex:
Safe Sex - Standards, Practices, Information & Resources
HPV - Shouldn't we talk about it?
(there is some talk about herpes in this thread, not just HPV)
fluid bonding/bareback
I just want to *love* this entire post Thank you for putting it out there so wonderfully.
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