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Old 08-22-2012, 04:44 PM
newbie1 newbie1 is offline
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Default New to Poly

After "attempting" our first attempt at a poly (Triad) relationship i have come away broken. I am wondering how others deal with jealousy, insecurities, etc. Hope to hear from you all.
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Old 08-22-2012, 05:18 PM
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Have you read Franklin Veaux's site, especially the parts about jealousy? http://www.morethantwo.com/jealousy-insecurity.html
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:21 PM
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Hello newbie1,
Welcome to our forum.

I think jealousy and insecurity sometimes grow out of feeling like you have some kind of need that isn't being met. You have to get to the bottom of that, and communication is usually essential. Not just how much you communicate, but how well you communicate. We can all do better, it's a lifelong learning process.

I also recommend the link drtalon mentioned. Hope some of this helps.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 08-24-2012, 01:22 PM
newbie1 newbie1 is offline
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It is very hard for me - I see the bigger picture of having a third - but at the same time i have so many insecurities....My husband reassures me and is always reminding me why he loves me - I guess Fake it Until I Make It?
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:06 PM
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Good luck! Here's some more advice from http://www.morethantwo.com/polytips.html -
Don't coerce your relationships into a predefined shape; let them be what they are
Sometimes, people--particularly people who are already part of an established couple--decide what kind of relationship they want, what form that relationship will take, and then try to fit a person into that space.
People are complex, and every person will have his or her own ideas and desires and needs in a relationship. Trying to force a person in a box--for example, trying to say "You can only date both of us and you have to develop a relationship with both of us that's exactly the same and grows in exactly the same way"--rarely works. Instead, treat your relationships in a way that respects what they are. Give each person a voice; you are having a relationship, not looking for spare parts! Listen to what the relationship is telling you, instead of trying to force it to be something specific.
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:24 PM
newbie1 newbie1 is offline
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I think what made things so incredibly hard was the fact that she had never been in this type of a situation before and really wasn't sure but in the long run she said she is mono and wants a husband of her own so in a way she played with our emotions and gave us false hope so it made all my insecurities come into play.I really hope there is someone out there to complete our triad. It would be so nice.
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