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Old 08-20-2012, 09:23 AM
Pliglet Pliglet is offline
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Default No longer the unicorn

I'm a bit of a fan of 'streams of consciousness', so bear with me

I'll start by saying i'm bi/pan, and i've known i was poly/not-monogomous for years, however i'm still, as my female partner calls me - a unicorn. a mythical creature who remained a virgin into their 20's. its a bit embarrassing LOL. but i guess i should just suck it up and admit it. i've done everything but that so far.

I also tend to end up in circumstances that flaunt societies expectations of me most of the time.

So....all the way back to the start? um, well maybe just a few years back.
H(f) and M(m) have been on again/off again for about 10 years, but are adults now and in a stable relationship. H has a son from a prior relationship, and they have two daughters together.

H and i reconnected as close friends two and a half years ago when their first daughter was born (i'm slightly obsessed with kids and childbirth ), and i moved in with H when she had M took a break in their relationship 18months ago.

At the time M was a total d!ckwad, chronic dope smoker, and just...not a guy i could like as a friend, let alone anything else.
But H and i are as close as can be - we've jokingly referred to ourselves as sister wives for 2 years, just because of how close we are. But we've never really been all that sexually attracted to each other.

And then baby girl nr 2 was born late last year, and she had a *lot* of issues, nearly died, and ended up in hospital for two months. And M finally had the chance to step up and change who he was (which he did ).
And in the mean time, i took over full time care of both the older children.

keeping up?

So, back to the initial "v-card", i made a joke to H about a month ago that i was considering asking her to borrow her man to get rid of the damn thing, and she went...hmmm, interesting. took it back to M, and they discussed it
and then we discussed it together.
and slowly, with LOTS of conversations we've ended up in a triad. (eta: ironically - i'm currently dragging my heels. i'm so old that its a bit scary now, and i'm a bit used to being the weirdo who can't get laid :P )

Its not quite a balanced triad, mostly because, while H and i are absolutely happy to be sexual together - we're not actually that sexually attracted to each other. so if M's not involved, we'd rather sit and gossip for an evening/be best friends. But we're more than happy to get together if he's involved.

So we're still learning how to make it work. Kind of going with the assumption 'the only right way, is the one that makes us happy'.

Ironically, i would have been happy being their 'dirty little secret' - but neither of them are ok with me treating myself that way. So we started coming out to people.
So far, 4 out of 6 parents know. And the worst reaction from any of them has been 'i don't understand how either of you girls likes M - he's a wanker' (from her dad...who has a longstanding grudge against M but is *thrilled* to bits to gain me as a daughter in law).
I haven't told my dad yet, more from lack of opportunity than anything - but apparently he and mum did the poly/open thing, so he'll just be relieved i'm happy.

And not a single friend has raised an eyebrow. Its such a natural progression of where we were, that no one has really cared.


So, that's my poly story so far. I'll come post in here - but i'd love to hear from other people (i tend to post more if i know people are reading what i write silly, i know).

Last edited by Pliglet; 08-20-2012 at 09:25 AM.
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  #2  
Old 08-20-2012, 01:56 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pliglet View Post
So, that's my poly story so far. I'll come post in here - but i'd love to hear from other people (i tend to post more if i know people are reading what i write silly, i know).
I'm the same way.

Your story doesn't sound all that strange to me. So what if you were a late bloomer? Not everyone needs to be 15. It's better to wait. Society just wants you to believe otherwise.

Is M good for both of you now?
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Kyle: 27 year old male
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Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #3  
Old 08-20-2012, 02:20 PM
Pliglet Pliglet is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
I'm the same way.

Your story doesn't sound all that strange to me. So what if you were a late bloomer? Not everyone needs to be 15. It's better to wait. Society just wants you to believe otherwise.

Is M good for both of you now?
yes he is! never would have believed it. i think before, it was her second child, his first - so he was kind of left out of the parenting because she was very 'been there done that', and didn't know how to integrate him - and he was happy to keep being a child. and when she needed him to step up (which is the point when most dead-beat-dads cr@p out), he did. and he's just come along in leaps and bounds. talking to him, i still can't believe he's the same guy.


Its funny. H has sensory processing disorder, and i have aspergers. so she and i are both very introverted, often get 'touched out', prefer verbal intimacy to physical. so in a lot of ways - we *all* get exactly what we need at the moment. because M has adhd and constantly wants to be cuddling and intimate and affectionate. and this way when one of us tells him to piss off, there's another girl to go to. poor guy (although luckily i'm such a deep sleeper, he actually does get to snuggle overnight. if i was any lighter sleeper i'd feel truly sorry for him).

and even though the relationship is still new. the whole dynamic was going on well before any sexual element was added, so the kids aren't aware of any 'major' shifts to my knowledge.

i'm trying to find an internet meme H found for us the other day - but basically the quote was 'polyamory is having two girlfriends gang up on you'. that sums up our family [in a nice way]
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Old 08-21-2012, 02:24 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Originally Posted by Pliglet View Post
yes he is! never would have believed it. i think before, it was her second child, his first - so he was kind of left out of the parenting because she was very 'been there done that', and didn't know how to integrate him - and he was happy to keep being a child. and when she needed him to step up (which is the point when most dead-beat-dads cr@p out), he did. and he's just come along in leaps and bounds. talking to him, i still can't believe he's the same guy.


Its funny. H has sensory processing disorder, and i have aspergers. so she and i are both very introverted, often get 'touched out', prefer verbal intimacy to physical. so in a lot of ways - we *all* get exactly what we need at the moment. because M has adhd and constantly wants to be cuddling and intimate and affectionate. and this way when one of us tells him to piss off, there's another girl to go to. poor guy (although luckily i'm such a deep sleeper, he actually does get to snuggle overnight. if i was any lighter sleeper i'd feel truly sorry for him).

and even though the relationship is still new. the whole dynamic was going on well before any sexual element was added, so the kids aren't aware of any 'major' shifts to my knowledge.

i'm trying to find an internet meme H found for us the other day - but basically the quote was 'polyamory is having two girlfriends gang up on you'. that sums up our family [in a nice way]
Awesome! Glad to hear it's going well for you then.
__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #5  
Old 08-21-2012, 07:07 AM
Pliglet Pliglet is offline
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I've been at my mums for the last two nights due to work commitments, and urgh. i did not enjoy being away from my people. add to that, the fact that yesterday was quite a trying day emotionally (first at work) and difficulties with uni work and something in my biological family that's rattled me a bit.

And its just amazing coming home. They were both worried because i was acting weird, and have promised me a bit of a 'love in' this evening. but the anxiety truly gets a bit less when i can just wrap myself up in one of them.


And then, i finally heard back from a friend interstate, whom i had come out to a few days ago. who has just started her 'congratulations' with something along the lines of "i won't tell you my opinions of 'poly' relationships...but as long as you are communication and have clear agreements then i suppose...congratulations i'll be happy for you"
Luckily not a close friend of mine, but it hurts more because i'm just in a weird headspace anyway.
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  #6  
Old 08-22-2012, 11:08 AM
Pliglet Pliglet is offline
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It's bizarre to think that this has only been a real relationship for a month.
I think the fact that our relationships were already so strong before we started being sexual has truly helped. I'm sure I've still got a lot of the NRE, but at the same time, we act like an old married family LOL

M gave both me and H a beautiful necklace each last night. Her's has two pendants, one big heart and two small entwined hearts. Cause there's three of us (although my first reaction was 'it's the three kids' lol. Clearly, the kids are important to me). And mine has a pendant with love written in a heart.
Totally gorgeous. And I'm very impressed that he not only chose them himself...but got us different ones <3

Plus H and I spent about an hour doing indepth talking about where we're at, what we feel etc. which is always very soothing and cleansing I find. It's been one of the things that has helped ground me over the last eighteen months, since we moved in together.


I also told my sister today (we're both at uni full time so I haven't seen her in about a month :-( ). And she was ecstatic for me. We're having coffee tomorrow so I can gush and she can gush about her boy :-)
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