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Old 08-13-2012, 12:03 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Sexual Orientation Shift

In the past (possibly even on this forum) I have insisted I was straight and would never have any sort of sexual relationship with men, as I am not at all attracted to men. I've also read stories on here and other places about men who are straight but have been caught up in the moment and have done sexual acts with other men for brief moments.

Recently someone made a comment that if men want women to allow anal, the men should allow pegging. I thought on this for a while and spoke to my wife regarding it. I had mentioned it in the past, especially after we were given a strap-on as a gag gift, (more to judge her interest than anything) and as always she had no interest. However, after a few more conversations we had our anniversary and she offered to allow anal (something she had said no to for a long time because of my size). The following day she was in town and I told her to pick up some lube and we ended up using the previously mentioned strap-on for pegging. I found it much more pleasurable than I expected, and started to re-evaluate my sexual orientation.

As I thought about it, I've made a lot of "pretend" moves on males in the past, and I have had fantasies about men (but always with a girl present in the fantasy). I have also tasted myself via snowballing and out of curiosity. So yeah, maybe not so adamantly straight as I once believed.

I've decided I want to try fooling around with a guy and girl (I still don't find men physically attractive) but with focus on the guy to determine whether or not I can do it. If it works, I want to progress to sex with a man and then re-evaluate if I need a girl present or if I could feasibly be okay with just me and a man.

Have any of you ever found your sexual orientation no longer matches what you once thought it did? I have a feeling I would have made this resolution much sooner had it not been for my childhood (I was forced to give a man head as a youth, please don't apologize, I'm not damaged and that's not the point of this thread, just throwing it in so you have the full story).
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Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #2  
Old 08-13-2012, 12:34 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Are you attracted to men, or not? Liking anal has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, lots of straight guys like anal, lots of gay guys don't like it. Are you aroused by the idea of a woman having anal sex with you, or a man? What matters for sexual orientation isn't the activity, it's the partner.

This being said, yes, orientation can change to some extent over time. Hasn't happened to me but it does seem to happen to some people.
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:16 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Having sex with a girl is always going to be my preference, but now I'm more inclined to try it with a guy as well. Physically, there are very few men I find attractive, but there are men that I love emotionally (my best friend, for example). Anal isn't the only concern of mine. I'm considering doing oral as well as anal, and both giving and receiving. I don't see how I can be strictly straight and want to have sex with a guy. That doesn't seem to apply to that definition. Heteroflexible, possibly?
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:25 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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What Tonberry said. Receiving anal sex and liking it does not equal being gay or bi. A sexual act is not an orientation. It could mean just that you have found a new sexual act that you enjoy. Congrats! That's a great thing!

I suggest reading through Dan Savage's advice to the questioning. He has lots on the various possibilities of sexual desire choices. For example, some men love sex with men but are just not interested in romantic relationships with men. Some people find the same sex aethestically pleasing and sensual but just can't wrap their minds and libido around actually having full on sex with the same gender. (Or reverse this for people who identify as lesbian or gay.) Sometimes someone will identify as lesbian or gay but will have sex occasionally with the opposite gender. This doesn't make them less lesbian or gay - just means they have occasional sex with the opposite sex. Sometimes a person is just super straight or super gay but there is that one person from the opposite (or same) gender that just makes them swoon with want. The possibilities are just about endless.

I started out straight in high school, kinda maybe bi in college, in your face dyke lesbian after college, responsible white collar lesbian around town in my late 20s and 30s, and now I am dating mostly men and calling myself pansexual. I'm not unusual.

Sexual orientation is fluid except when it is not. People can and do change over time, sometimes gradually, sometimes dramatically. Or they remain who they are over a lifetime. In the US, it seems like men are less 'flexible' than men but I have a theory about that. I think there are more bisexual men than are currently out. Men have a lot more to lose being openly bi than do women who are openly bi. As the stigma of bi men slowly erodes, we will see more openly bi or pansexual men.

So it is possible you may not be totally straight. Or maybe you are, except you like the occasional pegging by a female, or maybe male, partner. Experimentation is not a bad idea. Just pay attention to what you are feeling and try to think about why you are feeling what you feel. That can help you sort this complicated sexual identity stuff out.
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:36 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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I don't think I can honestly answer these questions until I try something with a guy. I don't know if I could ever have a full-blown relationship (the idea of kissing another guy is more of a weird thing to me than sex with a man). I don't know. These thoughts are confusing.

I'm past the age where coming out would be detrimental to anyone but my relationship with family, and unless I opened up about poly I probably wouldn't ever come out to them about any of this anyway (they would view poly as infidelity) because admitting I like guys would lead to questions like "How do you know?" and I can't lie when asked direct questions, not that I would want to lie.

I guess what I'm looking for is stories from other people who had never been involved in a situation with the gender they aren't attracted to, but then decided they were interested and wanted to try.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 08-13-2012, 01:55 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I don't know if this helps you any. But I don't think you are unusual.

I don't think anyone is stuck in one bucket on the spectrum of sexual identity. It ebbs and flows.

My spouse IDs as heterosexual. His fantasies center on women, he loves women, that's his bag. But he's also uber practical and states that under the right circumstances, he could see him being "situational bi" -- because if he's ever in a threesome situation with me and a friend, he's going to be curious and he's going to want to know. So here's this nice friend and this nice situation so... why not? Giving and sharing pleasure -- what's the big deal about that?

My best friend reports same feeling from her husband. He too IDs as heterosexual and his bag is women. But he's also voiced the idea that "situational bi" could be on his spectrum somewhere.

I know a swinging friend who was "all about the dick" -- and very vocal and vehement about it. (her words, not mine). Until she had some female experiences. Suddenly? She's not so vocal or vehement. Now she's mostly all about strayt sex... and sometimes not. *shrug*

I don't think you need to stress of worry, and if you are in an experimenty place, talk to your wife about where you are and sort it out with her.

As for anal... Having penis-in-anus sex with wife? Strap-on sex with your wife where she pegs you with toys? So long as you are both having a good time? Lube up and enjoy!

GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-13-2012 at 02:00 AM.
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Old 08-13-2012, 02:13 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I don't know if this helps you any. But I don't think you are unusual.

I don't think anyone is stuck in one bucket on the spectrum of sexual identity. It ebbs and flows.

My spouse IDs as heterosexual. His fantasies center on women, he loves women, that's his bag. But he's also uber practical and states that under the right circumstances, he could see him being "situational bi" -- because if he's ever in a threesome situation with me and a friend, he's going to be curious and he's going to want to know. So here's this nice friend and this nice situation so... why not? Giving and sharing pleasure -- what's the big deal about that?

My best friend reports same feeling from her husband. He too IDs as heterosexual and his bag is women. But he's also voiced the idea that "situational bi" could be on his spectrum somewhere.

I know a swinging friend who was "all about the dick" -- and very vocal and vehement about it. (her words, not mine). Until she had some female experiences. Suddenly? She's not so vocal or vehement. Now she's mostly all about strayt sex... and sometimes not. *shrug*

I don't think you need to stress of worry, and if you are in an experimenty place, talk to your wife about where you are and sort it out with her.

As for anal... Having penis-in-anus sex with wife? Strap-on sex with your wife where she pegs you with toys? So long as you are both having a good time? Lube up and enjoy!

GalaGirl
Yes, that's kind of where I see myself right now. Into the idea because of recent situations, not sure if it's just that or if I want to fuck and date men now, too. My wife is up for everything. She wants it, she thinks it's hot I want it, and the anal/pegging thing is new but works well so far.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 08-13-2012, 04:57 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleKat View Post
Have any of you ever found your sexual orientation no longer matches what you once thought it did?
Yes! I think this is more common in those of us that had extreme religious upbringings. Once we get past the traditional taboos, we can allow ourselves to enjoy the feelings of love and/or sex (or even just the idea of sex) with those we care about no matter the gender.

Some don't find overweight (or blonds, redheads, tall, short, etc) people attractive, but find that they fall in love with one anyway. Once in love, they are very attracted to THAT person, irregardless of their type.
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Old 08-13-2012, 08:10 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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My sexual preferences have changed. I identified as straight-and bordering on homophobic when I was younger. Then-I fell in love with a woman.
Shrug.

Now I identify as bi.

As for anal-my "circumstantially he might be bi" friend has no use for anal (either giving or receiving) and a friend who LOVES giving and receiving anal is straight as a board.

shrug.

I say-it's good that you are interested in learning more about yourself-be gentle with other people's feelings as you explore.

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  #10  
Old 08-14-2012, 03:27 AM
Nathan Nathan is offline
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Your sexual orientation can shift around on The Kinsey scale, this is most common when your young, although I guess it can happen at any age.

I identify as straight, I do not look at men now, and find them sexually attractive at all. The idea of having sex with a guy does not repulse me, but it doesn't turn me on either. There was a time though (14/15) when I was confused about my sexuality, and pretty much convinced myself that I must be gay. This was because the first real emotional/sexual relationship I had, was with another boy at my school. I think there were lots of reasons why this relationship happened.

1. He was two years older then me, and he was someone I thought was really cool, I really looked up to him.

2. I went to an all boys school, so no girls around. haha

3. Hormones, I had got to the stage were I was tugging it to the weather channel, so I was bound to respond to sexual stimulation.

We would go back to his place after school and make out, it was more than just sex though, we really liked each other. This relationship lasted about a year, until he went away to Uni, and we were both sad about it ending. I have no regrets about it though, in fact, we both look back on it very fondly. We bump into each other from time to time, and he still teases me about it, and unlike me, he does identify as gay. At the time I did really enjoy making out with him, in fact I was more comfortable in my role with him (I was the Bottom) then I was when I started with girls.

I guess he was the right person at the time, because I have never been attracted to another guy since.

Like others have said, just because you like pegging, it doesn't mean your gay/bi. My girl is into BDSM, which I'm not. She figured that although I would be no use to her as a dom, maybe I could sub for her, and she did mention pegging as part of that. I'm not interested in it though, as it does not turm me on, either to be dominated or pegged. If you enjoy it though...........Go for it.

Only you really truly know if you want to have sex with another guy, if your not sexually attracted to them in anyway, I cant see it working. The thought of it must turn you on though, or you wouldn't be thinking about it. The only real way to find out is to give it a go, and see if you like it.
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