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Old 08-10-2012, 05:33 AM
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noisycthulhu noisycthulhu is offline
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Location: Texas
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Question So Very Lost

Hellos,

I'm a self identified queer individual who has female parts, thinks like a guy, and is attracted to both genders for sex and companionship. This is a very new part of myself I'm discovering, having had my first experience with poly this last January with a married couple.

They're my friends and have since ended our experiment, but now I'm confused. I can't decide between wanting a man and wanting a woman. So the ideal of polyamory interests me very much. My best friend is currently involved with a married couple and is their proud 'girlfriend'. I realized that I was so very jealous of this - not of my loving friend, but of the relationship she's maintaining successfully with two people who love her.

Looking into all this, I'm finding that here in Texas such things are very much not around or at least not talked about. There's no community for me to reach out to, much less find my ideal relationship.

But it's all so confusing. There's so many different ways people date and interact and such, I don't really know how to swim these waters. I'm very open minded but at the moment I think I would love being with a man AND a woman, exclusively. Not so much as commitment but just like dating... and getting involved with an already established couple seems tricky.

Jealousy and such.

I am such a laid back individual and I've never experienced romantic love, and I'm certainly nothing to be jealous of. But I can't help but want companionship, you know?

Bah I'm not sure what I'm saying in this thread. I'm just very lost.
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Old 08-10-2012, 09:29 AM
kamala kamala is offline
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I think when it comes to relationships, other people in general, there really aren't any hard and fast rules about how to "swim these waters"... every person and therefore every relationship is different, so we are all just feeling our way along I think it's just inherently confusing!

But also, as someone who is maybe just starting out with some of these poly ideas, someone who is trying to figure out what they want etc., you might want to do a lot of reading on the subject first, speak to people who have done it, try to be honest with yourself and be prepared for it to possibly be emotionally gruelling, difficult...

Pretty much the only thing I've learnt so far is that you can decide for yourself what you want and what your boundaries are, but outside that life has a surprising way of making all your plans for yourself redundant...

I'm not bisexual, so I'm curious: is it very important for you to have both a man and a woman in your life at the same time? What about if you just dated one or the other, someone who understood what you would ideally like, and then open up to another who comes along in the future...?
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Old 08-10-2012, 06:36 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I'm a bisexual woman-I know what you mean about the confusion.
I don't have a girlfiriend-haven't in YEARS.... fear I remain in love with the unattainable ex-girlfriend.
ANYWAY!
it's hard to explain to my husband and boyfriend that there is something missing-but it's not them or their fault.

I have found (on accident) that by immersing myself in the LGBT communities, I have found other poly's who are out as LGBT, but NOT out as poly. That may be an option for you to explore.

Also-read read read as the last poster said. There's such a wealth of information on this topic and you will gain so much insight into how to get what you want if you figure out exactly what it is that you need.

And-keep your mind open, you may find one and end up being "the couple" that attracts the other part of what you desire.
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