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  #1  
Old 04-24-2010, 08:16 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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Default There's a word for it?...

I am a male in my early forties, very happily married with two great kids. A very good female friend of ours & my wife have embarked on a relationship that is built on a solid friendship. I adore this person too & gave this journey my blessing. We all have a great time together when we hang out. This friend is very respectful of our marrage & has no intention of screwing things up. It has played out to be very open, honest, loving, & safe environmrnt for us. Funny thing is, this was initiated before I knew what poly was lol. It just feels right for us... I was doing a bit of research & wala! here I am..


cheers, ..hb Update

Last edited by caprica; 05-17-2010 at 03:59 AM.
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  #2  
Old 04-24-2010, 11:40 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Congrats and welcome to the board!
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  #3  
Old 04-25-2010, 12:55 AM
caprica caprica is offline
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Thanks, it feels kind of weird divulging such information but at least I am in the right place!
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Old 04-25-2010, 07:02 AM
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LovelyArianna LovelyArianna is offline
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Sound like you are listening to your inner guidance just great.

Yes it is natural to love more than one person, and it feels great. If I didn't, I would be cheating on myself.

Welcome.

Ari
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Old 04-25-2010, 02:04 PM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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Sounds like you can accept and share your wife's love without jealousy. I agree with you: when that is possible, open relationships can be very natural, ethical, and beautiful. It works that way for me too, though in my case I'm the secondary who adores a woman in a poly marriage.

You know the term "compersion" perhaps? It's a good sign if you are pleased when you know your wife is being happy with her new GF. I get a warm chuckle when I'm on the phone with my GF and she says her husband is running a scented bath for the two of them. It gives me pleasure to know she's so well loved. I hope you feel something like that sometimes?

You might expect some emotional turbulence, but it sounds like you and your wife -- and probably her secondary -- are stable enough to ride right through it.

---------

addendum: Oh, on the compersion thing: I think it really helps your partner if you tell her that her happiness pleases you. It's important because if she feels guilt about what she's doing or has unspoken anxiety about how you feel then your sharing of your compersion will help her negative feelings evaporate. A very good thing to share.

Last edited by EugenePoet; 04-25-2010 at 02:41 PM.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:23 PM
caprica caprica is offline
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thankyou everyone for the support. I feel lucky that I can go on this journey.. it defies traditional way's of thinking but who ever said that the traditional way is the only way?... well, without tapping into religion & politics lol... which ain't gonna happen!

'think I'll stick around here for a while...
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Old 04-25-2010, 07:34 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelyArianna View Post
Sound like you are listening to your inner guidance just great.

Yes it is natural to love more than one person, and it feels great. If I didn't, I would be cheating on myself.

Welcome.

Ari
That's an EXCELLENT quote!
Can I quote you on my blog?
I REALLY like that quote!!
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Old 04-26-2010, 03:22 AM
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LovelyArianna LovelyArianna is offline
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Sure you can quote me. It came from my experience and how I think. I didn't quote it from anyone that I know of. If I did of anyone here I am sorry. Like minds then as they say.

I would be honored to have it in your blog.

Arianna

Last edited by LovelyArianna; 04-26-2010 at 03:26 AM.
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  #9  
Old 05-24-2010, 03:50 PM
texaschick texaschick is offline
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I have to say Caprica, in many ways your 'poly' experience sounds similar to my own. Happily married, involved with a friend of both of ours.

We are not a formal triad by any stretch of the imagination, but it works so well (most days, unless me or my friend are feeling emotional then it gets dicey). We also are not in an 'out' poly relationship. We have not shared with anyone really.I agree just taking it day by , and following the natural progression is the best way to go. It will have it's up & downs but I think any relationship does.

So far we have had our situation for a year and a half with no major issues.
After 17 months of an emotional and physical relationship with my friend, I just started coming to terms with the whole 'poly' thing about 6 months ago. Until then I just tortured myself. I think if you stay honest, about what you and your spouse both want and let it progress it will be fine.

Good Luck to you!
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Old 05-26-2010, 03:52 AM
caprica caprica is offline
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thnks for your input danny & texaschick...

I really don't know what else I can do to push it along so I won't. My wife knows how I feel & I really can't do much more than that right now. Like I said she isn't especially keen on the idea right now & I haven't a clue how our friend feels about me except that we get along very well. It is difficult for me not knowing if our friend would be accepting of a triad relationship, along with my wife's position. If it was just time, then bring it on!, but I don't even know if the interest is there... I am starting to face the fact that my wife does not want a true triad relationship & I will have to accept it. I wish she really understood what a positive experience the idea has been for me. hb
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