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Old 04-24-2010, 03:45 PM
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Default Polyamory = people with more integrity?

I've always noticed that many people (according to some statistics well over 50%) cheat on their spouse. When I ask them why, most of them say it is easier to hide and do it anyway instead of confronting their partner. They basically choose the easy way out. The problem is that they enforce the old paradigm this way. If everyone would be upfront enough to just bite the bullet and admit they have feelings for other people (I know most persons do), instead of hiding and saying their partner is the one and only, polyamory would become universal.
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Old 04-24-2010, 04:00 PM
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Even if Poly wasn't for everyone-at least honesty would make everything operate better.
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:12 PM
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The title of this thread is what I mean to address here. Integrity is a virtue. I don't think virtues necessarily come naturally to people. They need practice and need to be important to people. Quite often they aren't. Or at least go unnoticed. People seem to think they can get away with not being virtuous. Then they wonder why they are miserable and alone. At least this is what I have seen in some people.

I don't think poly people are more virtuous in terms of integrity, but do seem to practice it more in order to keep it. Otherwise they are not being true to the name of polyamory in my book.
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:08 AM
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Even if Poly wasn't for everyone
It's not ....just to be a pain in your ass LR
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:53 AM
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I know that MON!
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Old 04-25-2010, 04:59 AM
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I know that MON!
Heehee!...I am a little shit sometimes I think every poly forum should have one
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Old 04-25-2010, 05:07 AM
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Are little shit's better than big one's?
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Old 04-24-2010, 08:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Olivier View Post
I've always noticed that many people (according to some statistics well over 50%) cheat on their spouse
Quote:
Originally Posted by Olivier View Post
If everyone would be upfront enough to just bite the bullet and admit they have feelings for other people (I know most persons do), instead of hiding and saying their partner is the one and only, polyamory would become universal.
this was the reason i started up another thread about polyamory and affairs.... i wondered if you were poly if it was still possible to cheat or have an affair seeing as how you are openly acknowledging you can and will fall in love with more then one person at the same time... and yes, i found it was possible. but again, it all boils down to being honest to admit you have feelings and communicating with your significant other.... and even in poly relationships that does not always happen.
i dont think poly itself lessens the chance of affairs or cheating...

but i think that i see whet you are saying Olivier... so perhaps it not that affairs or cheating do not happen in poly but rather that is just that ,oddly enough, polyamory tends to encourage the high value and necessity of honesty, integrity, and communication in relationships more so then the society driven monogamy. does that make sense?
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Old 04-24-2010, 09:10 PM
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this was the reason i started up another thread about polyamory and affairs....
your thread.... for those that are wondering

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2353

there are others if anyone cares to do a search for them.... lots tagged under "cheating" and "affairs"
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Old 04-25-2010, 02:34 PM
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Quote:
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I've always noticed that many people (according to some statistics well over 50%) cheat on their spouse. When I ask them why, most of them say it is easier to hide and do it anyway instead of confronting their partner. They basically choose the easy way out. The problem is that they enforce the old paradigm this way. If everyone would be upfront enough to just bite the bullet and admit they have feelings for other people (I know most persons do), instead of hiding and saying their partner is the one and only, polyamory would become universal.
I see your thought process here Oliver, and agree to a large extent.
If the world (culture) you live in reinforces from a young age that sex and love can ONLY occur in pairs then of course you have what we have !

If on the other hand it was expressed otherwise from day one - what WOULD that world look like ? It would only seem that people would embrace those connections as they came into their lives - and potentially not even be "seeking" them - and all that goes with that.

I also like Mono's effort to detail some of the obvious facts of the way things "are", being food for thought on how they "could be".

I often use the food analogy.
If every relationship was as comfortable talking about their ENTIRE sex & love life as they are talking about their lunch experience/choices then there would be far more time and energy available to spend nurturing our relationships.

We do it here every day - in anonymity. But it COULD be the open default way to communicate.

Be interesting to see what that looks like - eh ?

GS
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