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Old 04-20-2010, 03:20 AM
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Trying Trying is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: south
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Default Communication problems

My whole story is explained in the previous thread I posted, but I wanted to post another one about maybe what is making me insecure.

I'll first start with saying that he used to text me all the time and would always chat with me on facebook and would frequently ask if we could hang out. At first I wasn't used to having someone want to talk to me so much, so I tried backing away... but in reality I liked the attention and didn't want him to stop pursuing me in that way.

Then in the last couple of months he's been busy and introverted, and has stopped initiating contact all together. I feel like I'm the only one initiating contact. Its become a chore to get him to have a real conversation with me, and it's very very hard to find a time when we can be together.

sometimes he acts a little exasperated at me trying to keep contact with him and sometimes he completely just ignores my texts. I would call but he never hears his phone and doesn't answer.

finally he broke down and told me a whole grocery list of the things that were stressing him out, and that I was becoming another stress since I was getting so annoyed at not getting any attention from him.

He had told me maybe a month before this that he needed some space, but after a few weeks he had started responding a little bit more and hanging out with me more, so I thought perhaps he was feeling social again.

but it hasn't really improved much... for the last week, the other girl in our V relationship has been staying at his house and I feel like that since she's getting to spend so much time with him (seeing and talking to him every single day, unlike me who only sees or talks to him every few days), I should also have the right to be able to at least have some kind of short conversation with him more often or see him maybe between classes at school... I deserve as much attention as she does.

Theirs is a long-distance relationship, so i understand that he will be spending a little bit more time with her when she's visiting this week... but he fails to communicate much with me when she's NOT here.

I especially want to be able to talk him BECAUSE she's here. I want to be sleeping in his bed and waking up with him and seeing him when he gets home from school, which is what she gets to do. I think it's lame that just because they have a long-distance relationship that she gets to do the things I can't.

He was with me first. She came second. This isn't fair.

I just want to talk to him so badly, but he hardly ever makes time for me and sometimes even that time is preoccupied with some other activity. For instance, on thursday we agreed to see each other at breakfast for about an hour, but when i got there he was doing homework and we really didn't spend much time *together.*

I'm tired of him ignoring my texts, getting annoyed when I want to sit down and have a serious talk, or having to pine for any attention or the chance to see him more often than once or twice a week for a couple of hours.

I mean... I understand being busy. I'm pretty busy myself. That's why i value texting so much... even if you're busy, you can text a little heart or smiley face or say "how's it going" just to let them know you're thinking of them. So even if you're too busy to see someone for a week or two, you can say Hi or SOMETHING. y'know?

we never have deep, meaningful conversations ever and I feel like our conversations where we learned stuff about each other stopped months ago. I want to get to know him more and see what we thinks about things and get inside his head, and I want him to get inside my head and know what I like and all that, but it seems so impossible.

I think it's imperative that i get as much attention as she does, merely for the fact that he holds us up to the same level. I am not second, nor am I just the occasional hookup.

and a part of all of this may also come from the simple fact that i really like him, and I wish for his attention just like anyone values attention from the one they're smitten by.

and we're not in an official, serious relationship, so it's not technically an obligation... but it's as if we act like it in every other aspect, just without the labels. Or maybe it's just me wishing desperately that we could be boyfriend & girlfriend officially. it's just so hard and it keeps getting harder.

any thoughts on communication problems, or when one partner gets less attention than the other? or when one person wants something out of the relationship that they just cant get?
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Old 04-20-2010, 03:52 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

check out the communication thread in "golden nuggets".
There is some great info in there.

One thing I picked up just before marrying Maca (12 years ago) was that men don't fix what is working. SO if you think it needs fixed-LEAVE IT FOR THEM.

IN this case it translates to, stop contacting him. I know. That SUCKS. I really do know that. But I have found that it works-either he really doesn't want to talk to you, in which case it's better to know sooner than later, or he does and because you are scarce, he'll reach out.....

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with such drama! It does suck that life isn't fair and knowing it isn't does not stop it from hurting. Big hug!
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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