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  #1  
Old 07-22-2012, 11:23 PM
JJ87 JJ87 is offline
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Default Hi

My name is JJ, and I am here because we are new to this lifestyle. So new that we, my husband and I, are so confused. We started out as swingers and have had a lot of fun with it. But not even a year into swinging, we had a situation thrown at us that made us stop and think about what we wanted out of this. A married man contacted us through a swinging website that we are members of, and asked to meet. We always meet to see if there is any attraction first, then plan on a playdate later on in the future. We were hesitant but we met with the married man and we really liked him.

Fast forward to a few weeks after our first playdate, things just didn't seem to add up with him so hubby and I started to be very persistent and asking him some very personal questions. Finally things started to make some sense after our questions were answered and we really got to know the married man.

Our MM is not available to live the lifestyle I want, but he is exclusive with us. Anyway, we've decided that we want to explore poly and I am here to learn more. Any advice or questions, hit me with them, please.

Thanks for reading!!
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Old 07-23-2012, 11:51 AM
JJ87 JJ87 is offline
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I thought I would add more details to my intro. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We have known each other since we were teenagers and have been together ever since. We married young and had kids young and now we are ready to experience some new things. We're not ready for grandkids and rocking chairs, yet!

Up to recently, I have never been with another man, however hubby has had an affair in our early years of marriage. Swinging for us has been awesome in the way that it has evolved our sex life. We've been on playdates, went to clubs, house parties, etc but even if we didn't play with other people we still came home and ravished each other. Sex has never been better!!!

I am a kindhearted person and I am always taking in strays, whether they be stray kids or animals. And, I believe that I can live this life, love 2 men at the same time. My ultimate scenario would be to have friends that would be willing to live this lifestyle with us, either in a home together or within close proximity.

Also, I wanted to touch a little bit about our MM. He gave us so much information about who he is and what he does. We have the potential to literally ruin his life (which we would never ever do) with the information he gave us, but we understand him a lot better now. Most importantly, he trusts us and we trust him. I do not trust easily, therefor this is a huge step for me.

Sorry...I do tend to ramble on... Even talk to myself at times BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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  #3  
Old 07-23-2012, 09:39 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi JJ,
Welcome to our forum.

I hope you are able to find all that you seek in the polyamorous lifestyle. Check out the "Dating & Friendship" boards if you haven't done so already.

There is a lot to learn about poly, so take your time and read some of the many threads on this site. Don't hesitate to post if you have a thought, question, or concern.

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your MM. I presume his wife knows about the situation and is okay with it?

Glad to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #4  
Old 07-23-2012, 10:38 PM
JJ87 JJ87 is offline
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Hi. Thanks for the welcome.

Unfortunately, his wife does not know about this. I wish she did, but for other reasons, he cannot tell her. His wife has issues with her own sexuality and rarely talks nicely to him or even touches him so he went to seek that need elsewhere. We started out as playmates, but it turned emotional after a few dates and now... who knows where this will go. But, like I said up there somewhere in all my ramblings; he isn't able to live the exact lifestyle I'd like. However, thanks to him, I have discovered that a poly life is what I want.
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  #5  
Old 07-23-2012, 11:33 PM
TuttiandHubby TuttiandHubby is offline
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Talking

Hey JJ......We are new to this as well and I have a question for you....Does your MM's wife know what he is doing with you and your hubby??
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  #6  
Old 07-23-2012, 11:37 PM
JJ87 JJ87 is offline
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She does not know.
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  #7  
Old 07-24-2012, 07:27 PM
Lu2k155 Lu2k155 is offline
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Default Similar Situation......Unfortunately a un happy ending.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JJ87 View Post
I thought I would add more details to my intro. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We have known each other since we were teenagers and have been together ever since. We married young and had kids young and now we are ready to experience some new things. We're not ready for grandkids and rocking chairs, yet!

Up to recently, I have never been with another man, however hubby has had an affair in our early years of marriage. Swinging for us has been awesome in the way that it has evolved our sex life. We've been on playdates, went to clubs, house parties, etc but even if we didn't play with other people we still came home and ravished each other. Sex has never been better!!!

I am a kindhearted person and I am always taking in strays, whether they be stray kids or animals. And, I believe that I can live this life, love 2 men at the same time. My ultimate scenario would be to have friends that would be willing to live this lifestyle with us, either in a home together or within close proximity.

Also, I wanted to touch a little bit about our MM. He gave us so much information about who he is and what he does. We have the potential to literally ruin his life (which we would never ever do) with the information he gave us, but we understand him a lot better now. Most importantly, he trusts us and we trust him. I do not trust easily, therefor this is a huge step for me.

Sorry...I do tend to ramble on... Even talk to myself at times BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I am glad that you are happy with him, and yes it is sad that you can never live the life you want, as relates to poly and yes technically it is cheating on his part, and whole world of issues with that. He made the decision, simple, based on the need for intimacy. We don't know how many times he has tried to fix his marriage here. And what lengths he has gone through to do that. In the mean time, what do you do? Just waste away, I agree he needs to fix it, if you all want the poly relationship.
I agree that I am giving mixed signals here, however, I love the saying better to love than loose.(That statement is somewhat selfish on my part, cause I needed as well) Eventually it will work its way out.
There are many ways this will affect you: Positively, you all will and have found new loves and new experiences. Two: You all will live, learn, love and grow. Third: Unfortunately- He will have to make a choice, only because time and his needs will dictate that. Finally-with the trust issue, do you think that it is really trust? Because he has found a new and exciting love and experience, THAT he can finally be open with and he is open? Have you thought that he will not be open in the future, because of what he is doing now with you all?
My answer to all that is this and in my experience, Yeah luv2k155, starting out cheating, he intended to include her, but she just beat him to the punch. End the end he had to do something to fix it for himself. Yeah finally he had someone to talk to and open to, we trust. I think in my case he just need someone to listen, not be judgmental and had a clear understanding of what they wanted.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I COULD BE RAMBLING AT THIS POINT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I was friends with Luv2k155 for 10 years. He was married, His wife was too unsure in what she wanted. Her personality for a while, until I got introduced to her, was I am going to act like I love him in front of people and never show an type of affection while we are at home. (Please don't get me wrong here, I loved her too, I don't mean to speak negatively against her, just explaining the facts as they took place.) To me she was not sure of what she wanted.
We started spending time together, found a common interest and started to converse and support each other through our times (He was not getting the fulfillment at home, so he wondered)
She finally came around or seemed to have come around, and asked him, if he wanted to start dating other people, he said honestly yes. He said to her that he thought this was a good idea and they both agreed it would possibly help and strengthen the marriage and then he told her, that he and I were seeing each other.
He introduced me as the other woman and things were great for a good minute(as in a year).
She encouraged it and wanted to watch. We made sure that we included her in everything, I guess it was not enough. Well all of a sudden the G.E.M came out.
There are things that I would of done, differently, for her sake.(I would still see him, but would of went about it another way)
His marriage did not end because of the extra relationship, it ended, because she got violent and off course, during the divorce trial, I was the natural blame for things, but in the end, the truth came out. And her truth was that he had already begun to see other people with out telling her. She wanted to control the part of whom he saw and what they did. End the end he had a choice to make. Was he going to be happy? He asked himself, did he do all he could to make the marriage work? What else could he do? She was willing to control the situation. When I say control, I mean some serious control, example: You need to have sex with here this way, or that way. You can not take a shower without me watching.
To me, it turned into an annoying situation, too me it was better with her not knowing.
I never forced him to make a decision, or rather say, I did not verbally voice my opinion. If he wanted the serious poly relationship that we were striving for, and she was the way she was, he concluded it was not going to work.

Do I feel bad for her? no, I miss her though. I wish she would of just chilled a little and let time take its course.

This is a hard situation, enjoy it as long as you can, it will come to an end one day, not because she will found out or maybe ,but because he will discover more about himself and what he wants and needs(We don't live forever). Hopefully you will be on the side of pleasure in gaining a new permanent love, rather than side of pain. And it seems to me that you all are happy together. Trust is a very, very important word for me as well. If you have that bond of trust, why not go all the way. Its hard to come by now a days? I am glad that I was on the side of pleasure, on the other hand I hated it for her. I guess she never really understood.
**Me Rambling***
I chuckled at the the sig, talking to myself, I find myself doing that as well, LOL.

I married young and have six children, four of whom are adults. I am not ready for the rocking chair, although, the chair found me, lol. SMH........and crying.....lol. See there went through a mixed emotion moment. Ok I am find now, lol. Any I wish the best for all three of you.
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Last edited by Lu2k155; 07-24-2012 at 07:44 PM.
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  #8  
Old 07-25-2012, 11:12 AM
JJ87 JJ87 is offline
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When you said, "enjoy it while you can." that is exactly how I feel. I am going to enjoy all of this while I can. MM knows of the type of relationship I want, but I think that scares him a bit. And frankly, since he has the type of marriage just like you described, where they are the perfect couple when out but at home they are like complete strangers, he deserves to have someone who can love him and devote to him all the time. In my opinion, if MM were to leave his wife for us, he'd just be trading one miserable lifestyle for another because I wouldn't be able to fully devote all of my attention and love on him. He'd have to be willing to accept what I can give, and in an essence that is what he is doing with his wife. That's not good enough for him - my opinion again.

So while I would love for this to never end, it probably will and not in a pleasant way. However it ends, I will be better for having had a relationship with MM rather than always wondering what it would have been like.

Anyway, my 2 men make me so happy and for that I am grateful.
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  #9  
Old 07-25-2012, 08:21 PM
Lu2k155 Lu2k155 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJ87 View Post
When you said, "enjoy it while you can." that is exactly how I feel. I am going to enjoy all of this while I can. MM knows of the type of relationship I want, but I think that scares him a bit. And frankly, since he has the type of marriage just like you described, where they are the perfect couple when out but at home they are like complete strangers, he deserves to have someone who can love him and devote to him all the time. In my opinion, if MM were to leave his wife for us, he'd just be trading one miserable lifestyle for another because I wouldn't be able to fully devote all of my attention and love on him. He'd have to be willing to accept what I can give, and in an essence that is what he is doing with his wife. That's not good enough for him - my opinion again.

So while I would love for this to never end, it probably will and not in a pleasant way. However it ends, I will be better for having had a relationship with MM rather than always wondering what it would have been like.

Anyway, my 2 men make me so happy and for that I am grateful.
You never know..........what he considers treasure, until you get to that point, as far as the trade off. Yeah for me, I ended up with the prize,...............her on the other hand is miserable. (Too bad, so sad) she had the chance. And with the trust issue, all of the dirty laundry is on the table, and we are sorting through the laundry in all honestly. Sometime people just need someone to talk to, for REAL.
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Last edited by Lu2k155; 07-25-2012 at 08:23 PM.
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