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  #1  
Old 07-16-2012, 04:59 PM
tiggerdatiger tiggerdatiger is offline
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Default Partner wants to introduce me to his new fling

So, my partner wants to introduce me to his new fling, someone who he had met up with a few times already. I was a little put on the spot last night when that opportunity was brought up, and at first I said I wasn't ready. Then, thought about it... it might be a good idea to meet... The reality is I'm now going to meet them for lunch today. They both have the day off of work, and after I go back to work (wish I had a more fun diversion to keep me distracted), I know they'll go back to his place to hook up for a while, spend the day together, etc.

Just looking for any words of encouragement, etc., as I'm trying to process this before meeting. I'm starting to feel that green monster pop up and want to make sure I keep it at bay for the meeting...
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Old 07-16-2012, 05:25 PM
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Castalia Castalia is offline
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Good luck. I hope all goes well and work is busy enough to keep you distracted.
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Old 07-16-2012, 05:50 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Hi Tigger

I think I remember you saying from another post that you are quite new to poly? I'm quite new too (16 months) and I think it's very normal to be feeling apprehensive about all of these new situations you find yourself in.

One thing I've found it that the fear of these events is worse than the actual event.

In fact, meeting the person can help *so* much with any jealousy feelings. It also gives you a chance to show your partner how wonderful you are by being charming and welcoming to this new person

Is this their first time actually hooking up? Or have they hooked up before you meeting them? If it's their first time, I think that does add a little stress for you... but it's great that you've got work to distract you.

The best advice I can give you... is keep your chin up, be brave, put your most charming hat on and get in there. I promise that you might actually have fun. Let us know how you get on!
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Old 07-16-2012, 05:59 PM
tiggerdatiger tiggerdatiger is offline
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Hey there! Yes, I'm definitely new to all this. I've only been in this relationship for a near 8 months (my first of this nature).

Your thoughts are soothing... thanks so much!

I'm sure that the anticipation is worse than the actual experience. Almost like getting a shot, or drawing blood. Heh.

My partner has hooked up a couple of times before with this fling. And the fling is brought up more times in conversation than others, I've noticed, which makes it tougher, and as a result, I'm curious about the connection. In fact, we've had some hard moments because one of the times they spent the night, and I had a real tough time with that (we don't live together yet). I'm getting a little better at navigating this, and processing it, but it's still tough.

I know that meeting will help. My partner is probably pushing for us to meet to take away any some of my jealous feelings.

(Deep breath)... getting ready to do this in an hour or so, and hoping to feel confident and charming...
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Old 07-16-2012, 07:21 PM
dollface dollface is offline
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Default meeting helps

Im pretty new myself, but meeting the othee person does help a lot with the jealousy because you geta to experience first hand what their connection is rather than just sitting thereto on your own letting your imagination going wild.
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  #6  
Old 07-16-2012, 08:36 PM
tiggerdatiger tiggerdatiger is offline
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Hoo boy. Okay, I just had the lunch with my partner and his fling, and now I'm in processing mode. Overall, it went okay. We found commonalities to talk about, I felt like we connected overall, etc. There's no interest for me in doing more with him still (I was approached first by the guy, turned him down, but my guy was into him, and asked that I resume conversation with him to start so they can meet originally).

The guy did have a few lite barbs in the beginning towards me. I can tell he can be a little sarcastic (and more than likely out of insecurity, of course). It was 'all in good fun', but odd when you first meet someone, and considering who they are, who I am, etc.

The guy had put out a couple of things like 'Should I order the tuna? Would you mind if that's on my breath?', asking my partner in front of me, as it's known that they will go off now and hook up. :-/

I felt that was a little odd.

And, the had a couple of moments himself that he seemed to be put off by. My partner and I shared a (maybe) 3 second unspoken acknowledgement of sweetness (in each others eyes, but oh so brief), and he was perturbed enough by that to bring it up? And he didn't seem to like it when my partner said 'Goodbye, sweetie', calling me 'sweetie'.

This, also, didn't make me feel too good. I'm glad that these things happened for him to see... it wasn't overboard or anything by any means, but I'm curious why (considering the situation) this guy would be upset by these moments.

My brain is reeling just a little bit, knowing that I probably won't have a conversation with my guy until later tonight after all is said and done (maybe tomorrow), and this guy will go back with a potentially sarcastic judging tone, and maybe have other judgment calls on me... but this is that little green monster rearing it's ugly head a little... I have to remind myself that my guy is into me and wants our relationship. He just gave me a key to his home yesterday.

My partner did seem to be pretty disconnected towards the end, as when the guy went to get a box for his leftovers, and all he could say to me was 'have a good rest of your day'... and trailed off, not saying any more, not asking questions (in private for a quick check-in) or giving me just a little reassurance, which I'm going to have to reiterate that I need especially right after something like this. I waited at a crosswalk for the signal for what seemed like forever as my guy looked on, crossed the street, and walked back to work.

And first thing, I pop on here to type... which is seeming to help a little... (sigh). Sometimes I question if I can handle this... given the circumstances, I think it's a bit more than what I imagined... or I'm just in the moment processing right after... it's still my first relationship like this, it's under 8 months, and this is the first time I'm meeting a hookup that my guy talks about (more than normal) right before they leave to go back to his home to have sex and hang out all day while I go back to work.
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Old 07-16-2012, 10:23 PM
tiggerdatiger tiggerdatiger is offline
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Hard to focus on work, as this is still on my mind a coupla hours later... I guess what I'm most worried about is the fling is young (22) and my guy is 43. The boy demonstrated that jealousy streak a little bit... and coupled with the judgmental side that came out a little (insecurity), I realize there was just a couple of competitive barbs that were put out there... and a little bit of staking claim.

My guy is really excited about the boy, and is more of a logical sort than a feeler (like myself), so in some cases, I'm left to sort through my feelings unless I can explain them in a real logical way. I'm not even thinking about the sex they're having as an issue for me... it's just more about the jealousy streak... where does it come from? More than likely it would come after the boy might've idealized my BF and their connection together. And he might work (judgmental side and other) to wedge a little between us, in a competitive way (insecurity tossed in, as well). I noticed a couple hints of the competitive nature regarding me at the lunch already. This is the tough thing to process as I know they'll be spending the rest of the day together. Or, is this just normal stuff that comes up regularly?
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