Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-11-2012, 06:40 PM
TequilaMockingbird TequilaMockingbird is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
Default Hello Everyone!

Hi there!

I'm Tequila Mockingbird, a straight married female - mono until now. My husband is a bi poly male. Our relationship has been monogamous until recently.

We started off on a very wrong foot - he was closeted as poly, cheated on me with two different girls. Both turned out to be cowgirls who desperately wanted to replace me. Breakups and damn near divorce followed. I know many people here don't like the idea of veto power, but it was necessary for us - there has been some stalking by one of the others, and a restraining order (harassing me at work).

So, ugly and beyond painful. I have been reading various threads for hours on end, and no doubt will be asking for some incredibly common advice to get over the hurt.

In the aftermath of the affairs, we have decided to have an open relationship - although I think poly is probably better than open for us, I wasn't clear on the distinction until recently. We have some fairly strict guidelines and boundaries, but I really hope those are temporary until we're on a firmer foundation. I think of them as training wheels.

Hubby does have a very casual GF right now, but not at all a committed relationship, and we are relocating for career opportunities in the very near future, so that will end and we'll be back to just the two of us.

I'm hoping that we can start in our new home with a better sense of what we both want and need, and really do things right this time! I find a lot of intellectual sense in poly, and there are some smart folks here that make emotional sense out of it for me. I'm already grateful for the advice I've gotten by reading.

So, please be patient as I ask every newbie question on the planet, and know that I am immensely appreciative of the wit and wisdom offered.
Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 04:24 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,018

Welcome to the Forum.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 12:43 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,521

Hi and welcome,
I really like your name .
Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2012, 03:06 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Welcome to the forum!

I think that there is a significant number of poly folks that came into poly through a similar path, and the road to repair has had to be slow. I envy those who knew enough about themselves and who weren't concerned with what society thought enough to go down their path, and not have to try to hide how they felt from others (and themselves).

You do recognise that what you have in place right now are "training wheels" - that is hugely positive - the trust needs to be built up, and that is a slow process after it being betrayed in such a fundamental way.

A hard journey, but one it seems you are approaching well.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2012, 08:34 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,927

Hello Tequila M,
Welcome to our forum.

Sorry to hear you had such a rough start of it. It sounds like you and your husband are at a better mindspace now. It is very commendable that you have an open mind toward polyamory, even after the affairs and cowgirling. I hope you'll find our site helpful.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:16 PM.