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Old 06-23-2012, 04:22 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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Default Open relationships forums

I`ve searched the internet for open relationships forums and resources and I seem to have found out that both are rather scant compared to poly forums and resources.

Have you had the same experience? I wonder if precisely the reasons I identify more with open relationships than poly are to blame for the lack of resources. Does the fact that polyamory seem more family-friendly (same with swingers) make it a more cohesive and powerful interest group?

I feel like a lot of people who identify as open might end up here by default, hence my question. I`ve done a search in this forum for this topic and haven`t found anything. I hope I am not breaching forum rules.
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Last edited by feelyunicorn; 06-23-2012 at 04:43 PM.
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Old 06-23-2012, 05:19 PM
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http://open-relationships.meetup.com/

Maybe one of these would work for you.
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Old 06-23-2012, 05:58 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
http://open-relationships.meetup.com/

Maybe one of these would work for you.
Thank you. Unfortunately, I don`t live in any of the meet up locations, so I am heavily dependent upon online groups for now. Or, at least, until I`m able to form a cohesive group where I live (we already have a small poly group).
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Old 06-23-2012, 07:16 PM
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Question

Just about any poly group I've ever been familiar with would also cover open-relationships. (Unless, maybe, if you're talking about organized swinging, then yeah I guess that would be different.)
I think huge chunk of the folks in my local poly group make up of couples with an open relationship.
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Old 06-23-2012, 09:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
I`ve searched the internet for open relationships forums and resources and I seem to have found out that both are rather scant compared to poly forums and resources.
I don't get what distinction you're making, between 'open' and 'poly'. I get there is one (or more); but how do you see the difference? Is open relationship meaning you're in something committed and you play on the side with no emotional entanglement? Is that different from swinging in that you don't have to both be there?

This is pure ignorance asking.
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  #6  
Old 06-23-2012, 11:44 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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I'm on a swingers' forum, and there are quite a few people who identify as "in an open relationship" vs. "swingers" there. They are the purely sexual kind of open, so they wouldn't fit in here, really, but they are very well accepted in the swinging community (not that they wouldn't be accepted here, they just probably wouldn't relate as well).

Around here, it seems like most of the people who attend the open relationships events are the same ones that attend the poly ones and some of the same ones that attend swingers ones. There aren't many people (in my experience) who identify as open that can't fit into either a swingers group or a poly group and find people who understand and agree with their viewpoints.

Is there a particular brand of "open" that you're looking for and not finding represented?
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Old 06-24-2012, 05:38 AM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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Thank you both NovemberRain and km34 for asking. I guess I should have spent a few words on how I define myself. I can only speak for my own definition of open, or open relationships (the plural part is important to me).

---------

The differences to me between open vs. poly or swingers (or, even, "open relationship" singular) are:

a) open relationships seem to place less emphasis on family, live-in arrangements, and marriage than either poly or swingers;

b) open relationships seem to lay further along the sex-positivity scale than poly; no taboo around NSA and DADT;

c) open relationships seem to still allow for multiple emotional bonds (hence open relationships, instead of open relationship no "s") to coexist, as opposed to swinging.

----------

So, to me open relationships are the best of both worlds. And, I do feel a little bit like a fish out of water around people walking around with wedding bands. Not really a turn on in bed!
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Last edited by feelyunicorn; 06-24-2012 at 12:31 PM.
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:59 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
So, to me open relationships are the best of both worlds. And, I do feel a little bit like a fish out of water around people walking around with wedding bands. Not really a turn on in bed!
That's funny.. I once dated a guy who always wanted me to wear my wedding ring when we had sex... His roommate and friends didn't know I was married (rather religious group would have judged both me and him) so I didn't normally wear it around him (well, I didn't wear it often anyway, but I made a point to not wear it then) but he would often request it when we went to the bedroom. He said it made it feel like sneaking around or whatever even though it wasn't. It kind of amused me.

I also know a lot of people who don't wear wedding bands - both swingers, poly, and otherwise. I don't like wearing jewelry so I only wear mine when the diamonds will accent my outfit.

I think it would probably be hard to get a group of people who are in your kind of open relationships to form a group. Since there isn't an emphasis on a primary or live-in relationship, it would seem to be a singles group. I don't think I've ever met anyone IRL who doesn't have the desire to live with at least one partner at some point.
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Old 06-24-2012, 04:43 PM
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The terminology that I use is the following:

Monogamy

Non-Monogamy
- Cheating
- Responsible non-monogamy (which I think most people refer to as "Open relationship"
-- Swinging
-- Polyamory

We have had discussions about the difference between Swinging and poly so I won't go into that there.

The problem is that there are forms of poly which aren't "Open" - they even refer to themselves as "closed". The term "open" is highly overloaded - it means different things to different people, so I really try to avoid using it, because it can often cause more confusion.

There are poly forums and swinger forums - I wonder what is out there that doesn't cover the stuff that those types of forums cover.
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  #10  
Old 06-24-2012, 07:00 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
Since there isn't an emphasis on a primary or live-in relationship, it would seem to be a singles group. I don't think I've ever met anyone IRL who doesn't have the desire to live with at least one partner at some point.
Nice to meet you. I wouldn`t mind being called "lifestyle single" to distinguish myself from single people who are looking to shack up, but just haven`t met someone who fits the bill yet. Just so you know, there are quite a few of us, and a Facebook group. Unfortunately, it tends toward asexuality.

The reason I prefer 'open' is so that people understand that I have relationships, I have sex. Only they don`t involve sharing each and every day of my life and my living space, nor do they have any ceremonial-symbolic trappings or special labels.

BTW, just to point something out which may have been a misunderstanding, I have absolutely no problem with a primary partner or multiple primary partners, for that matter. In fact, I`d very much like that, so long as I have the right to my personal space.

Tristan Taormino, whom I love, describes it as "solo polyamory", which I think is a mouthful.

--------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
The term "open" is highly overloaded - it means different things to different people, so I really try to avoid using it, because it can often cause more confusion.
Coincidentally, I find the term "love" overloaded and draconian in meaning, hence why I don`t really like the -amory part of the term polyamory.

But, I think now that I`ve split hairs enough , I should point out that this isn`t simply a matter of semantics. The fact is that swingers don`t allow me inside their clubs because I don`t have a wife (and, probably wouldn`t also if I disclosed my bisexuality); and, polys, although significantly more simpatico, still won`t fuck me on the grounds that I don`t want to live with them and their metamours, and have children, and wear a bow tie to the wedding.

In one group I am barred, in the other I am friendzoned. The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

------------

In the end, it means that I have to go back to mono singles, who are just a nightmare because to them feelings and independence cannot coexist.
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Last edited by feelyunicorn; 06-24-2012 at 07:43 PM.
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