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Old 04-11-2010, 08:50 PM
findingme findingme is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
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Default Texting

Within my relationship, where my partner of several years has recently fallen in love with someone else, he has been texting her what feels to me to be almost constantly when we are together. I have got him to agree that it is a little unfair for him to be texting when we are eating together, but it does seem like he texts her all the time, including when we are out together, in the house together, pretty much anywhere. I thought it was me being unreasonable as I am having a few problems getting used to the idea of a polyamorous relationship, plus they get very, very little time together - only a few hours snatched together, or conversations at work (they both work at the same place and her husband and family do not know, esp. difficult as we are in a small community). However, we recently had some friends staying with us, and they commented that he was on his phone an awful lot - one of them suggested that it was close to be an addiction to his mobile, and the other said that it was to the point of being rude to others around.

What are other peoples thoughts on electronic communication in poly relationships? Internet, mobiles and e-mails certainly add a whole extra dimension to how time is shared and what is considered to be shutting out - or not- those around.

It would be very interesting to see what people think.

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Old 04-11-2010, 09:07 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603

I think that if you are allowing them time to be alone together to converse ect. The same courtesy should be offered to you. Ask your SO to set aside certain times every week that are just for the 2 of you. It's infuriating to never have the focus on you.

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Old 04-11-2010, 09:34 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,217

If the Girlfriend's Husband™ does not know, then it is Not A Polyamorous Relationship™, it is an Extramarital Affair™ (i.e. "cheating").

Is SHE texting HIM while she's with her husband?

Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-11-2010 at 09:37 PM.
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Old 04-11-2010, 10:07 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 520

Agrees with YGirl on the "name" of the relationship. But to the OP's original question...

It doesn't matter the relationship of the people around. "Common courtesy" dictates that one is not on the phone or texting (which is basically the same thing) when one is eating with others, spending quality time with others, etc. It is plain rude. A single text or a quick call is ok if they are letting the other person know that they are busy and will text/call later. The fact that he couldn't stop himself while he had company who don't know the nature of the relationship is even more rude and embarrassing to you, IMO.
Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
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Old 04-12-2010, 03:32 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907

I have to agree with the previous posts. I can't STAND it when someone is texting while I'm trying to have a conversation with them. It's infuriating. Plus, it appears that your SO is going through the "new relationship fire". Remember when the two of you first met? You both wanted to CONSTANTLY be together. Kinda like in high school when you called your bf or gf and said "Ok, you hang up first" Then they said "No, YOU hang up first", then you said "No, YOU hang up first". and this went on for like an hour. What you are watching is basically the same thing. He is falling in love with her. It's beautiful, yet sickening at the same time in a weird way. Let their love flourish, yet remind him that you love him also, and that you don't want to be overshadowed by his new interest.
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Old 04-12-2010, 03:59 AM
kamala kamala is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Deepest Darkest
Posts: 51

Agree with previous posts. I don't even think it's got much to do with poly - I wouldn't be impressed if close friends, family members etc. constantly texted someone else while they were with me. If your partner has decided to call the setup a polyamorous one (despite important people not knowing!) then he has to learn to accommodate both of you...
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