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Old 06-11-2012, 10:13 AM
Casablanca Casablanca is offline
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Default Hello.

Hello,

I don't plan on doing much posting for a bit. Too much to read and learn before I start stating the obvious and putting my foot in it. But, I know me, I will chip in before too long. So this is me, and where I am at.

I'm 52, male, monogamously married 10 years, three kids. I'm the stay at home parent looking after the family, cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, being taken for granted - all the usual mum stuff. I'm a male mum.

We live in a rural community - the sort of place the news reporters call 'close knit' when something unspeakable happens there. I'm not a gregarious person, most of my friends have been made through my wife. She has fallen in love/lust/need/whatever with another man who lives 30 miles away.

I'm not jealous. I'm envious but not jealous. She knows this. She would kill me if things were reversed. That's a bit unfair and she knows that too. But that's her monkey, not mine. Not that I am planning (or desiring) to be with anyone else.

That's it. (For the moment.)

Apart from the why am I here? bit.

Initially I'm here to learn. A lot of you guys have been down the road I'm standing on before and I want to find the paths you have blazed and the dead ends you have marked for fellow travellers.

Thanks.
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  #2  
Old 06-11-2012, 10:55 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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What a lovely hello! Welcome friend and safe travels ahead for you and yours.
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  #3  
Old 06-11-2012, 03:11 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Welcome Casablanca. I hope that you find the things that you seek here.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:03 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Hi and welcome.

How long have been in this new dynamic. How much reading and research have you both done prior to opening things up.?

Envious of what ....you not having another partner or what she sharing with the other guy and not you.?

Good luck...D

Last edited by dingedheart; 06-11-2012 at 06:05 PM.
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Old 06-11-2012, 07:55 PM
Casablanca Casablanca is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Hi and welcome.

How long have been in this new dynamic. How much reading and research have you both done prior to opening things up.?

Envious of what ....you not having another partner or what she sharing with the other guy and not you.?

Good luck...D
She and he have been communicating on line for a while. They met a few weeks ago, but she stayed overnight with him for the first time last week.

Reading and research? None. We're both grown-ups; we talked a lot.

I had a really rough couple of days and cried a lot when I realised theory and practice were a little different from one another. What had seemed so simple and rational in fact released great and uncontrollable emotions in me. It was surprising.

My feelings for a few days were stronger than my optimism.

We talked some more and rewrote some ground rules. More double checking and clarity was required. I rearranged the furniture in my head and we seem to be okay for the moment.

The envy is purely and simply that I recognise, and have very nostalgic memories of, the depth of new love feeling. I'd dearly love to know them again. I'm happy that she's feeling them. I love it that she is so happy. I just regret that I am unlikely ever to feel them again. That's what I mean by envious.
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Old 06-11-2012, 10:23 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hello C. blanca,
Welcome to our forum.

I can easily understand feeling envious about that new love feeling (which we often call NRE, New Relationship Energy). I'm sure it will get easier over time, and never say never, who can say what the future holds.

There should even be some RRE (Renewed Relationship Energy) bouncing back to you from this new relationship, and hopefully your wife won't let the NRE cloud her mind so much that she forgets to give you the extra reassurance you need. NRE can be a little blinding, so don't be shy about reminding her about your wants/needs (and just a, "Hey, I'm here too," reminder).

Glad you could join us, hope we can be of some help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #7  
Old 06-22-2012, 03:27 PM
Peek Peek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Casablanca View Post
I had a really rough couple of days and cried a lot when I realised theory and practice were a little different from one another. What had seemed so simple and rational in fact released great and uncontrollable emotions in me. It was surprising.

My feelings for a few days were stronger than my optimism.

We talked some more and rewrote some ground rules. More double checking and clarity was required. I rearranged the furniture in my head and we seem to be okay for the moment.

The envy is purely and simply that I recognise, and have very nostalgic memories of, the depth of new love feeling. I'd dearly love to know them again. I'm happy that she's feeling them. I love it that she is so happy. I just regret that I am unlikely ever to feel them again. That's what I mean by envious.
This totally caught my emotions this morning. Theory and practice ARE two different things. Often times, the latter is more difficult. I feel for you. I guess I am there, considering I know that the object of my affections is also seeing someone(or two) other than myself. I am not so much jealous but envious of the time he spends with others.

I find that you get the strength not from your partner but from within your very self. That may sound like generic advice, but it rings true to me to this day. I hope this forum does help you as much as it is helping me. I'm still discovering things myself. All we can ever do really is to keep trying.

Looking forward to more of your posts. Update us!
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