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  #1  
Old 05-28-2012, 06:48 AM
laughingowl laughingowl is offline
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Default Hmm How many fantasize about..

their partner and their partner(s).


While she is not currently in another relationship, it is an open possibility.

Likewise, while I certainly would not expect to be part of said relationship if one did develop, would have to admit I am pretty sure it would fuel some fantasies. (probably both the me being involved... and or just the spectator, or me just imagining...)

So others will to post.... Folks think this is normal or Am I just a freak....
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  #2  
Old 05-28-2012, 02:46 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Oh hell yeah, totally. Not everyone experiences it, but it's far from uncommon. Some call it "sexual compersion".
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  #3  
Old 06-02-2012, 08:27 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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My husband certainly does it; you are not alone.

A word of warning though: be careful in your communication about this. Some might like to hear this positive reaction, but not all (or at least not all the time). My husband has a habit of bringing it up while we're having sex. To me the style of his interest comes across as intrusive, as he would love to know things that to me are private. And this completely turns me off. Also it kind of makes me feel that he's not really paying attention to me in the moment.
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Old 06-02-2012, 08:56 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I used to fantasize about joining Dude and his ex-girlfriend (when they were together) - mainly about me and him working together to drive her crazy. (Interestingly enough - a few months later when they were broken up and he and I were together, the opportunity arose and I was not at all interested in pursuing that fantasy IRL anymore; although I would have been up for it at the time when they were together and he and I weren't. if MrS hadn't voiced his objections )

I fantasize about MrS being with other women, sometimes I'm "involved" and sometimes I am just watching. MrS doesn't have a girlfriend so these are mainly vague fantasies unless I am picturing girls we were with in the early years of our relationship.

I know MrS enjoys thinking about me being sexual with other women and has greatly enjoyed the times that he has been invited to watch or participate. (I suspect the same would be true of Dude )

Both MrS and Dude seem to enjoy the thought of me with the other one and like seeing the other make me squirm with pleasure. But this may be more about compersion and less about sexual fantasy.

On the other hand I have a strong "exhibitionist" streak (and I think Dude does as well)...but I do find that the sexual experience is "different" if I feel I have an audience. I find that I cast my sexual awareness net farther - and feed my sexual energies off of the other person(s) excitement much more than when it is 1-on-1. I like both - wouldn't want to limit myself to only one or the other.

Just realized that I wandered off from sexual fantasies into the realm of group sex dynamics...obviously some overlap there for me.

Short answer: yes

JaneQ
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Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


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  #5  
Old 06-02-2012, 10:01 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I did some with my first husband, he had a high sex drive and loved sex. Also his first girlfriend was interested in me too, so although we didn't date it certainly was something to fantasize about.

My current husband has a low libido so I don't at all because it's unrealistic, I can't for instance fantasize about MFM threesomes with him because I know IRL it wouldn't be hot and sexy, it's just be awkward. I think I fantasized all sortsa stuff with him and/or some of the cute chicks he dated early on before I realized our sex drives were so different and his relationships with them weren't based on hot carnal sexytimes.

I don't fantasize about my bf and his partners, as I haven't spent much time with them and I am pretty sure at least one of them wouldn't appreciate it.

Really I keep my fantasies in my head - I think it's kinda invasive, the idea of one of my partners and their partner verbally fantasizing about me to each other. Conversely that's why I keep my fantasies to myself, I think unless a metamour invites a flirty relationship with me, they didn't invite me to talk dirty about them. I know lots of people don't have this feeling, but I can't shake it. Doesn't stop me from having whatever thoughts I want to in my head though!
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  #6  
Old 06-02-2012, 10:09 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Really I keep my fantasies in my head - I think it's kinda invasive, the idea of one of my partners and their partner verbally fantasizing about me to each other. Conversely that's why I keep my fantasies to myself, I think unless a metamour invites a flirty relationship with me, they didn't invite me to talk dirty about them. I know lots of people don't have this feeling, but I can't shake it. Doesn't stop me from having whatever thoughts I want to in my head though!
This is pretty much how I feel, although I don't really fantasize all that much about it at all because I don't feel right about it. Their sex life is their sex life and has nothing to do with me (minus any fringe benefits I may get - i.e. increased libido due to higher self-confidence and such that comes from having multiple healthy, fulfilling relationships). Hubby and I engage in casual sex on a fairly regular basis, though, so I don't lack fantasy characters at all because I just picture him with someone he doesn't have an emotional relationship with and don't feel like I'm infringing on anything personal since I am always included in that aspect of his sex life.
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