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  #1  
Old 05-27-2012, 08:51 AM
mialush mialush is offline
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Default He has made a move

My husband has finally made a move.

He contacted an ex girlfriend that he used to be totally in love with. They have met for drinks and the spark is still there. She knows that he is married to me.

I can't believe how excited I get thinking about him falling in love with her again. Making deep passionate love to her. Letting him know that I would support him in following his heart.

Is this normal?
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  #2  
Old 05-27-2012, 01:41 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Yes, it's compersion. It means you're experiencing similar emotions to the ones you'd have if it was happening to you: excitement, happiness...

Some people experience it, some people don't. Both are normal. I am very compersive and I love it. Sometimes I feel like compersion feels even better than being the one who falls in love :P

EDIT: here is a graph I made of the emotions one feels depending on what someone else experiences. The description might be hard to understand, but I'm hoping the image speaks for itself:

Last edited by Tonberry; 05-27-2012 at 02:13 PM. Reason: Added the image
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  #3  
Old 05-28-2012, 06:35 PM
SoCalDoc SoCalDoc is offline
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I'm in a similar situation. My wife recently discovered she's bi and now has decided she wants a girlfriend. I feel strong "compersion" -- picturing her falling in love w another woman actually brings me intense pleasure and arousal. I'm not looking for a threesome. My pleasure comes from seeing my wife sexually/romantically fulfilled. Sound familiar? PM me if you want to compare notes further.
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  #4  
Old 05-28-2012, 08:28 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I don't quite get your chart Tonberry... I get that good good = compersion, but how does bad bad = compassion? And what is "shadenfreude?" How does someone feeling bad = jealousy? Could you please explain more? From your chart it would seem that the opposite of compersion is jealousy. Its been talked about before but I wonder if it really is. I think jealousy is over used in poly anyway really.
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Last edited by redpepper; 05-28-2012 at 08:31 PM.
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  #5  
Old 05-28-2012, 10:55 PM
mostlyclueless mostlyclueless is offline
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redpepper, if I understand correctly, the chart means:

When something happens to another person that is good, and this makes you feel good, this is compersion.
When something happens to another person that is good, and this makes you feel bad, this is jealousy.

When something happens to another person that is bad, and this makes you feel good, this is Schadenfreude (pleasure derived from the misfortune of others, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude).
When something happens to another person that is bad, and you feel bad, this is compassion.
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  #6  
Old 05-29-2012, 07:14 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Yes, mostlyclueless has it right. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer with my chart.

I think you can feel more than one of these feelings at a time. Like if someone gets hit, you might first laugh (schadenfreude) then worry that they might be hurt (compassion).
If they get a promotion, you might be happy for them (compersion) yet also feel it's unfair you didn't get one (jealousy).

Any ideas how I could rework the image to make it clearer, yet remain simple??
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Old 05-29-2012, 06:58 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Yes, mostlyclueless has it right. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer with my chart.

I think you can feel more than one of these feelings at a time. Like if someone gets hit, you might first laugh (schadenfreude) then worry that they might be hurt (compassion).
If they get a promotion, you might be happy for them (compersion) yet also feel it's unfair you didn't get one (jealousy).

Any ideas how I could rework the image to make it clearer, yet remain simple??
I found it pretty clear, and awesome!
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Old 06-02-2012, 01:01 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
And what is "shadenfreude?"
This, my friends, is schadenfreude.

"Happiness at the misfortune of others? That IS German!"
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  #9  
Old 06-02-2012, 01:10 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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I had the same issue with the chart at first. Then I read the whole chart more closely and it made more sense. I think what threw me off was compassion.

I think you should replace "how you feel" with happy and unhappy instead of good and bad. If something good happens and you are unhappy that's jealousy. Make more sense?
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  #10  
Old 06-02-2012, 11:26 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I thought about the happy/unhappy thing, but I thought at the time that jealousy doesn't necessarily mean you're sad, it could mean you're angry or something. Maybe happy/upset would work better, as upset can mean both sad and angry. Let me know what you think works best and I'll rework the chart.

I might eventually (not right way) make a little comic explaining each situation to go along with the graph. I actually find that pictures make it easier to explain things, and I would love to have a bunch of pictures I can link people to in order to explain the concepts involved around poly.
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