Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-23-2012, 10:23 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 7
Default poly ok go ahead from wife about her best friend

My wife's best friend is this awesome 20 something lady with a 3 year old who is so sweet! She has known my wife for 6 years and I guess they have had partial bi experiences together and I know my wife loves her a lot she's very sweet caring and cute ... my wife is an amazing woman that I met one year ago and we got married in September and been very happy together.... also her friend has had a wet dream about us and thought about and asked for a threesome .. my wife said lets do it and then got jealous for fear of losing me to her friend... so anyways last night we three were drinking for my birthday and thought about threesome jokingly but more of testing the waters... we all ended up flashing eachother .. I talked to my wife this morning about us dating her and she said yes but unsure how she feels on sex-would rather cuddle for now which is amazing anyways so I am wondering if we should legitimitly date.. ie take her to restaraunt eft... in 3 months both of our leases are up and we will ask her to move into a 3bedroom house with us.. one room forchild other for her and last for wifeand I... only thing is best friend is in a bad relationship with an emotionally abusive boyfriend who's the father of the child... I would love to take care of them both plus the child.. it. Would help my wife with time from her friend... help our friend with taking stress away and help me too.. I know I love them both
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-23-2012, 10:32 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,245
Default

Hey there,

I would counsel strongly against moving her in so quickly. A triad is an emotionally tricky situation that takes a while to settle into a groove, and putting everyone in constant contact with each other right at the beginning is going to make things more apt to explode.

www.morethantwo.com/coupledating.html <-- Great general advice for a situation like yours.

Does her bf know about you guys or is she contemplating cheating on him?

What will you do if she wants to date one of you but not the other? Would it bother you if she wants to date other people as well? Just some food for thought.

Also, I would say that in any new relationship, dating before things get serious is a good idea. Probably moreso in poly, because the dynamics are more complicated. Take it slow.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-23-2012, 10:58 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 7
Default

Well my wife already watches her 3yr old almost everyother day... and our friend has already cheated on her bf before and is waiting tip the lease expires to officially breakup with him.... I talked about it with my wife and it feels real nice already.. we contemplated her having our child as a surrogate because my wife can't bear children... they already love eachother and have known eachother for quite some time... I don't feel rushing.. we just want to date her and see where it goes... no ties.,. P.s. we actually don't want any other person other then our friend.. and it's simply because the connection we feel for her and her child... even if she's only with us for 2 or3 years

Last edited by davepolyam; 05-23-2012 at 11:08 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-23-2012, 11:01 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

Since this is your wife's best friend, I would assume that even w/o the dating potential, you would offer your home to her to get her out of an abusive situation.

We've had friends stay with us as needed through out the years; occasionally there was some cross over benefits of said arrangements with the intent of keeping the friendship intact.

I would urge caution about the boyfriend though. If she is considering leaving him, for any reason, he may become more abusive and lash out towards those helping her. Just something to consider. Good luck.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-23-2012, 11:11 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 7
Default

I was worried about that... because my wife helped her leave him before... and we would just tell him shes with friends... and yes wed offer our home in a hearbeat
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-24-2012, 09:59 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 7
Default

so i spoke with my wife about it again, and she would rather wait for our friend to leave her current boy friend before we even think about asking her... but i feel that the sooner we tell our friend the better the outcome, cause she still has no idea other than that we might want a threesome, even though i wish for so much more than that... so i figured maybe in a week one of us (hopefully both) can sit down and speak with her... my wife seems partially okay with the idea of us dating her. and she feels like she's slowly warming to it, but I told her I feel very strongly about this and wish for it to happen and that it might also take strain off of our relationship, which she agreed. and she would have someone to talk to and vent if needed, and i'm simply looking forward to watching this seed grow and flower into the most beautiful relationship
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-24-2012, 10:03 PM
km34 km34 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624
Default

I would be very, very, very careful about approaching a relationship so soon after a breakup. There is that whole "rebound" period where people will grasp on to anyone who seems caring or better than the last guy and do you really want her decision to be with you to be based on those emotions?

Offer her a place to live, let her get her life straightened out, THEN approach a romantic relationship.

That's what I recommend anyway. I feel like trying to get someone in a new relationship while she's still trying to end one is a recipe for drama.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-25-2012, 05:18 AM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 606
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by davepolyam View Post
so i spoke with my wife about it again, and she would rather wait for our friend to leave her current boy friend before we even think about asking her... but i feel that the sooner we tell our friend the better the outcome, cause she still has no idea other than that we might want a threesome, even though i wish for so much more than that...
I would recommend waiting a bit as well. Leaving a relationship is stressful and should be done thoroughly. She may leave things unfinished if you hurry her right into the next and the fallout of that may take its toll on you later on.

It is valid to offer her every option available and tell her that you are really interested in her, but let her reach a more stable place before going at it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by davepolyam View Post
[...] wish for it to happen and that it might also take strain off of our relationship, which she agreed. and she would have someone to talk to and vent if needed, and i'm simply looking forward to watching this seed grow and flower into the most beautiful relationship
What kind of strain are you talking about? If there are some things you and your wife are having problems with, it is normally better to work those issues out before adding another person. If things stay unsolved they tend to grow with time and get right back at you.

What got me thinking as well was your wife's motivation. She sounds as if she needs a good friend, not a romantic relationship. Maybe this is only part of the picture, but if that is how she basically feels you may watch out for the dynamic in a triad, where the different relationships don't build equally between the spouses and one easily feels left out. As your wife seems to be mainly interested in exploring her sexual side a bit, this may happen to her, if the feelings she develops are more on the friendship level.
__________________
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:32 PM.