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  #1  
Old 05-20-2012, 02:54 AM
corey corey is offline
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Default Is it normal to have open relationship with same person?

My girlfriend wants an open relationship and what I read online it sounds like that typically is just a one night stand. But she wants to see the same person over and again. She says she made clear to him she doesnt want relationship and she tells me she loves only me, but Im concerned. It would bother me less if it was just one night stands.

This is the first time ive ever heard of open relationship, so I dont know if I can trust what she is saying because at first I was going to kick her out because I thought she was cheating (she disapeared a few times sometime til 3am) no calls no texts no explanation ... and today after I starting packing her things to leave she brings up open relationships and i love her and she says she love me but i dont know if i should worry that this is just something because i was about to kick her out and she has no money and no place to go and is just waiting to meet the right person to leave me.
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Old 05-20-2012, 03:06 AM
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If you're a swinger? Possibly not. If you're Poly? Yes, it's quite normal.

Having said that, it sounds like your girlfriend is after an ongoing FB arrangement rather than going for Poly with its associated emotional attachment.
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Old 05-20-2012, 03:48 AM
corey corey is offline
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Originally Posted by Emm View Post
If you're a swinger? Possibly not. If you're Poly? Yes, it's quite normal.

Having said that, it sounds like your girlfriend is after an ongoing FB arrangement rather than going for Poly with its associated emotional attachment.
Im not sure I understand what you mean? We are not swinger and she says she needs open relationship but i have always been monogomous. She says she doesnt feel anything for the other person, but why does she need to see the same person ... she claims they are "friends" as well as have casual sex but no emotional attachment like with me
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Old 05-20-2012, 04:18 AM
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The main difference usually pointed out between the swinger and poly lifestyles is that swinging is about the sex and poly is about the relationship. If your girlfriend wants sex without any emotional connection she is somewhere toward to swinging end of the spectrum.

I think it makes sense to have a friend with benefits arrangement rather than going out to find someone new every week. The friend is a known quantity; they've already passed the "possible axe murderer?" test, you know what they're like in bed, and you know where to find them when you want them. Personally I also like the emotional connection that's not there with someone I've never met before, but that's my preference.
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:42 PM
corey corey is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
The main difference usually pointed out between the swinger and poly lifestyles is that swinging is about the sex and poly is about the relationship. If your girlfriend wants sex without any emotional connection she is somewhere toward to swinging end of the spectrum.

I think it makes sense to have a friend with benefits arrangement rather than going out to find someone new every week. The friend is a known quantity; they've already passed the "possible axe murderer?" test, you know what they're like in bed, and you know where to find them when you want them. Personally I also like the emotional connection that's not there with someone I've never met before, but that's my preference.
I dont understand how you can have a "friend" relationship without feeling anything. I have friends (dont have sex with them) but I care about them. So how is it that there is no emotional connection and just casual sex if they are also hanging out as friends would?
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Old 05-21-2012, 10:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corey View Post
I dont understand how you can have a "friend" relationship without feeling anything. I have friends (dont have sex with them) but I care about them. So how is it that there is no emotional connection and just casual sex if they are also hanging out as friends would?
I have had friends I knew I wouldn't want to have a committed relationship with and sex was part of the relationship. I've had committed relationships that haven't involved sex. It all becomes evident in time where a relationship feels most comfortable and where it will go.
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Old 05-20-2012, 04:23 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Open relationships definitely do NOT need to be just one-night stands! FB, in this case, doesn't mean facebook. It means FWB, or Friends With Benefits, which is perfectly normal. Just because someone wants to have sex without being in love doesn't mean they necessarily want sex with a stranger who they will never see again. There's a lot of gray area in between those two extremes.

For myself, I don't usually have a physical relationship with someone unless I like and respect them and they like and respect me. I also don't use the "FWB" label to mean "booty call": we are friends first, the physical part is secondary, usually just for fun. My husband and I were open(-ish) for years before I developed feelings for one of my FWB's and we developed a committed romantic relationship.

I would have an issue with her disappearances- open relationships don't usually work unless every is actually OPEN, being upfront and honest about everything. Which also means being honest if you're not okay with the arrangement. Just because her desire is normal doesn't mean it's automatically going to work for you.
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Old 05-20-2012, 04:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I also don't use the "FWB" label to mean "booty call": we are friends first, the physical part is secondary, usually just for fun.
The girlfriend seems (as reported by the OP) to make a big deal about having no emotional relationship with her friend at all, which is why I'd classify it as more of a FB than a FWB relationship. Perhaps if she were to describe it in her own words it would be different.
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Old 05-20-2012, 04:51 AM
corey corey is offline
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Thanks all for the responses
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Old 05-21-2012, 03:51 AM
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Shannanigan Shannanigan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I would have an issue with her disappearances- open relationships don't usually work unless every is actually OPEN, being upfront and honest about everything. Which also means being honest if you're not okay with the arrangement. Just because her desire is normal doesn't mean it's automatically going to work for you.
Yup. And perhaps she was hiding where she was when she disappeared because she was too scared then to admit what was going on, and it's great that she's now willing to admit it and all, but it's going to be up to you whether you're okay with this. People can and do have friends with benefits outside of their relationship, but it's only going to be a happy arrangement if everyone is open to talking about it and is honestly okay with it.
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