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Old 05-12-2012, 01:52 PM
surfingcricket surfingcricket is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: melbourne, australia
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Default Just a quickie..

Hey all,
I just came across polyamory at the start of the year at a festival and subsequently met a lovely boy who is into polyamory. We got to know eachother quite quickly and subsequently fell in love. I love the idea of polyamory but I feel I have a lot to learn about it. I guess every situation is different and being in love I am feeling a lot of vulnerable places in me that I haven't felt for a long time and I am a bit scared about letting that out to him because of the freedom of polyamory.
I'm interested in boundaries, ones other people have set and what degree of honesty you find works? Do you report in? Or just when you feel in impacts on your primary relationship or should you be totally open and possibly insensitive. I feel a desire to know about his interactions with other woman in his life just so I know about what is going on. I know I have to work on feeling okay with it but I want to work on it. I'd like to find the core of jealousy and inadequacy and not have to "need".
Cheers lovely people's, look forward to having some interesting discussions and discovering new growths!!
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Old 05-12-2012, 08:40 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,772

Hello S Cricket,
Welcome to our forum.

I think the range of boundaries that have been set is as vast as the array of individual people (as we're all unique). My personal set-up is a closed/poly-fi relationship.

The degree of honesty should probably be 100%, with the understanding that you don't have to be talking constantly, boring each other with details, or speaking harshly to each other. Honesty in the sense of, no secrets, and no bottling stuff in. Totally open yes, but I believe one should also be sensitive.

"I feel a desire to know about his interactions with other woman in his life just so I know about what is going on."
That seems like a reasonable request. Just talk with him about it; the two of you can probably work it out.

There will always be new stuff to learn; glad you're here and that we could learn stuff with you.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 05-12-2012, 11:36 PM
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Rowan Rowan is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 20

My hubby and I are still new to this, but as we live together we have some rules specific to that. We know where each other is and as a back up we have GPS apps on our cell phones( amazingly its paid off in non-poly ways, like when my car broke down). We are open about who we are with and there are check in times (ie im at the bar and will eoither be home by X time or will check in). Hubby and i dont share details of our intimate encounters, but do share that they have happened.

These are the specific ones that we feel are important, and allow the other to be in the loop.

As said previosly, rules are as diverse as the people involved. My advice would be to keep them around the most important items, where you are both comfortable. Communication is probably my most important rule of all, and my hubby does his best to keep me informed.

Hope that helps
If Plan A fails, remember you have 25 letters left!
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Old 05-13-2012, 07:04 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

If you do a tag search for the word "boundaries" or "boundary," and the phrases "boundary negotiation" and "boundary setting," you will find lots of threads on the topic, which will surely give you some insights.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
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boyfriend, new to polyamory

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