Nervous

[Derbylicious]

So a little bit of back story here. My husband is away for work and has been since October. He's recently met someone who he gets along with well where he is. They've asked for my permission to get to know each other better. The whole being asked for permission thing throws me for a loop a bit. It reminds me of many years ago when my husband would tell his friends that I wouldn't let him do something with them when more often than not is was just an excuse because he didn't want to do it himself.

From what I know of the new lady in his life (through email) I do like her. She has a good head on her shoulders and seems to have herself figured out. But I am nervous about change. I don't know if it's because I haven't seen him in such a long time. How is this going to change things with us when he gets back? She was planning to move out this way before she met him. I think mostly I just don't know what to expect and I'm feeling a little bit lost.

I don't want to be asked for permission. What I want is to be kept in the loop and allowed to express how I'm feeling about things and to be heard by my husband. I don't know why I'm so fixated on the permission thing. Maybe it's because I want to be a partner and not a parent. Anyway I just needed to let this out.

-Derby

[MonoVCPHG]

Support is always close

[NeonKaos]

If they are really asking for your permission because they want to know YOU are ok with it, not because he wants you to be ok with it FOR him, then it's just a common-courtesy to do that. But, you should be honest about it if you are NOT "ok" with it.

I realize you were not asking for this kind of advice but I went out on a limb and gave it anyway.

[Derbylicious]

I am 'ok' with the situation, just not with being asked permission (if that makes any sense).

[SchrodingersCat]

I completely understand. Sometimes my husband asks me for permission for the silliest things, and I'm always so confused and worried about how I must come across sometimes that he feels he needs to ask permission for those things.

It could be that he feels he needs your permission as a form of endorsement and support, more than "asking mom if it's ok to come out and play." I would just mention that you "felt funny" about being asked for permission like you were his mom, and that you don't want to see yourself in that role.

*giggles* I love the range of people on here, from "I fully support him and I don't want him to feel like he needs permission" to "how could he just do this without asking me first if it's ok?" ... you can certainly see where they get the idea that they should ask first, and personally I think it's better that he's playing it safe than sorry... I'm sure you're a lot less offended being asked for permission than you would have been if you HAD wanted to be asked, and you WEREN'T... if THAT makes any sense...

[GroundedSpirit]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

I am 'ok' with the situation, just not with being asked permission (if that makes any sense).

Not LOOKING for something to find fault with are we ???? <just kidding>

I suspect they were both just trying to be considerate as others have mentioned. Unless you are into the D/s thing I doubt it's more than that.
Be thankful. Like SchrodingersCat says - isn't it better to be on this end than the other ?

Deep breath. Smile.

GS

[Derbylicious]

So just to update, I'm slowly finding my footing in this new dynamic. I'm having to learn to voice very clearly what my expectations are. It's hard being aross the continent from someone and trying to negotiate boundaries without being overly restrictive. I want my husband to be happy but I am also very protective of the on-line time I get with him. (Which isn't all that much with a full time job and a 4 hour time difference). But what I have on-line is all that I have at the moment.

-Derby