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Old 04-27-2012, 01:55 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Default Poly quiz, just for fun

Came up with this today after asking myself what I would be personally interested in thinking/writing about:

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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Old 04-27-2012, 03:50 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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1) Honest, loving relationships with multiple people.

2) I'm Annabel. Late 30's, short, semitic, curvy, geeky, weird, poly, queer, kinky. I'm easily social, but form authentic connections relatively slowly. I like to think and write and laugh and play. A little addicted to the internet. Into cities.

3) 2.5? There's Davis, my bf. He's an introvert with a floppy mohawk who likes birds. He's mono and very devoted to me, very geeky, slightly kinky, straight. We've known each other for about 15 years, dated once upon a time for 3 years, and have been trying again since last June. We see each other multiple times a week. He's hung out in social situations with Gia and Eric a couple of times but finds doing so to be a little uncomfortable.

Then there's Gia, my gf. She's a friend from college. I got together with her and her husband for a threesome 3 years ago and about 6 months later we decided to date. She's an artist with a strong social conscience and she's also a great new mom. Curvy as heck. She has social anxiety but manages to be amazingly social. She's poly, bi, geeky, kinky-ish and getting kinkier. We see each other about once a week.

Finally Eric, Gia's husband, the ".5". We were lovers before Gia got pregnant and the expectation is that we will be again at some point, but the time hadn't been quite right yet. We've never been romantic partners though I had an unrequited thing for him for a good while. Now we're just friends/metamours, but I think of him as family. He doesn't really like people, forms VERY few strong bonds, loves nature, and is a rad dad. Straight, probably would call himself non-monogamous rather than poly, kinky-ish on a physical level at least, geeky. I see him when I see Gia.

4) It used to be the good ol' MFF triad, but I've let that go. No ideal at present except to love and be loved and have both wild times and security. I just don't see the point in thinking any other way when I don't know what the future will bring.

5) I'm out to everyone who matters to me and only retreat somewhat into the closet (I wouldn't lie about it but I don't talk about it) at work and with extended family, mainly because I just don't feel like explaining myself and being judged by people I can't escape from but don't have a real personal connection to. Occasionally it irritates me not to be 100% out 100% of the time, but where I'm at works for me.

6) Mostly it's all good. I think any form of "package deal" (you have to be with both of us or neither of us) is a terrible idea.

7) Best -- Not having to kick one person out of your heart/life in order to invite in another. Extra support and intimacy.
Worst -- Potential for compounded drama! Jealousy.

8) I think so.

9) I think people, including my imaginary kids, should know it's an option, but I wouldn't try to say whether or not it might be right for any given person.
__________________
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 04-27-2012 at 04:32 AM.
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Old 04-27-2012, 04:24 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Hey Annabel,

(just because I like you)

1) Loving relationships with more than one, as defined by the ones in the tangle.
(useful exercise...I tend to go along with common definitions or what I feel the commonly used meaning is)

2) I'm a goofy girl who doesn't feel nearly as grown up as she thinks she should (after all these years). Tall, as ordinary brown eyes and hair as they get. I have an annoying genetic condition that dislocates my joints (at its whims) and for the most part has me in chronic pain. I identify as queer to myself because I don't fit many labels. That said, once I found out that the largest commonality bisexuals have is not liking labels, I feel quite free to use them to insert or distance myself from groups. I'm a double libra / sagittarius moon/metal/rat (I think it's metal). I've changed all three of my names twice. I'm really vanilla, but quite open to trying stuff in which partners might be interested. I've had a very adventurous life on the path less traveled. I'm child- and uterus-free. I'm an ENFP, though extraverted, I'm highly sensitive, so a little extraversion goes a long way.

3) I'm currently the hinge of a vee with two men, FirstBoyFriend and CurrentBoyFriend. They are brilliant gamer geeks. I met FirstBF in mensa and he brought CurrentBF home from work. We've three been friends for nine years now. They're awesomely uncommunicative and have astonishingly low sex drives. CurrentBF lives next door, and thinks of me as his one and only, and suggested the vee for many years and was totally open to it. FirstBF is three hours drive away, and a total introvert. I love them both beyond sanity, reason, or hope. They are good friends, but I don't believe they've spent time together since we started, and the three of us haven't been together yet. I've not been with more partners at a time. I think about seeking another (it's been many years since I've dated a woman), but so far, it's only a thought.

4) When I was younger and inexperienced, I thought it would be fabulous to be with a man and a woman. I don't think I have an ideal configuration anymore; for me it's about the who. But I have a few years left, who knows?

5) I am out to all family and friends (well, all close family ~ I have distant cousins that I talk to on fb, but I'm not out by my real name on fb)(if y'all want to look me up, my name is the same in there)

I am out to a few girlfriends at work. Could be a mistake, but I'm not the sort of person who can keep very much to myself. I did go to Vegas with FirstBF a few weeks ago and my boss told me his wife was afraid I'd return, married. (I was friends with her before I worked for him) He said 'you do know there are other men out there right?' (because he knows FBF is my ex. I laughed so much! I adore my boss.

I am very satisfied, so far, with my level of outness. I anticipate that might change, if I ever get to go to a public place with the two of them again.

6) I think openness and honesty is better in relationship; but I concede I know a lot of people who have long marriages with bigger or smaller deceits. I don't think any configuration/orientation is better, I support what works for you.

7) What are the best things about poly to you?

I like not having to choose one over the other. As a child, I hated choosing because I was so concerned with fairness (I blame it on the libra). I don't remember when I knew that I loved them both, but once I did, I hated not being able to have them both.

What are the worst things?

Scheduling. Longing for the way someone's else's config works. (I am so envious of JaneQ, I would LOVE to sleep in the middle.)

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
Yep. I don't know. I was pretty happy when I've lived with mono partners. I love the living with/sharing a life stuff. I just chose really poorly for that.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

If someone asked, I would recommend with few reservations. 'Know thyself,' would be the most important one.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!

I think I've used up a lot of words at this. Excellent exercise.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)

Last edited by NovemberRain; 04-27-2012 at 04:28 AM.
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  #4  
Old 04-27-2012, 04:27 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Came up with this today after asking myself what I would be personally interested in thinking/writing about:
Many of these questions might evoke a dissertation-length response from me but I'll try to give the "short-answer" version. (Disclaimer - answers apply to me personally, I don't speak for anyone else in the poly "community)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
Although the term "polyamory" refers to "many loves" - for me (who has a very vague understanding of the word "love") the concept of polyamory involves the willingness/freedom/openess to allow each relationship I have to define itself and not be artificially molded by what it "should" be. I don't have to "limit" my feelings for someone because of my feelings for someone else (although I may choose to modify my behaviours because of my feelings of responsibility to understandings I have with my current partners.)


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
Poly, Bi, female. INTJ.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
My sig sums up my current situation. Married to MrS for 16 years, together for 20. My "boyfriend" (god, I want a better word for him) lives with us, since we got together a year ago, he is MrS's best firiend - the term "brother-husband" would apply if it didn't carry so much baggage with it. I have casual (FWB) sex with some of our female friends who are married to male friends of ours.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
If you had asked this a few years ago, I would have answered with me and MrS each with our own girlsfriend(s) (shared or not). Shows you how funny life is. Now? Me and my two boys with as many additional women as want to be with us (individually, or in any combination) while these women have complete freedom to pursue whatever other romantic relationships appeal to them. (While respecting safer sex practices and allowing each relationship to progress at its own pace.) (An aside, I find girls that appeal to me sexually on a regular basis, I take these feelings as far as the girl in question finds acceptable - generally not very far! I have encountered 2 boys IN MY LIFE that appeal to me on many levels - approx once every 18-20 years or so - and have incorporated them intimately into my life. What does this say about me? IDK.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
Not out. Our friends know (all 8 of them). Coworkers, family, acquaintances know that Dude lives with us (as "MrS's friend) and nothing further beyond their own speculations. Given the constraints of my profession/employment this is likely to be the extent of it for the forseeable future. I wish we lived in a world where this were not the case; we don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
The best way of "having relationships" is what works best for the people in them. Period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
Best - two boys who care about me and care for me. Worst - in a Vee I reel responsible for meeting everyone else's needs (working on it...)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
Surprisingly, yes, if I hadn't had the experiences to lead me to be who I am. MrS and I were essentially mono for long stretches of time. If he had never brought Dude home and the girls had been in situations that didn't allow for outside relationships I still would have been 100% happy with MrS. I didn't turn to others because I wasn't happy but Happy+Plus is happier multiplied.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
Would I advocate poly - no. I don't know that most people would feel comfortable going "against the grain" in ways that don't bother us so much. We have all been counter-culture in many ways for a while. Would I advise against? Also , no. We all have to find our own path in life, your path is not my path, or his path, or her path. There are pitfalls and potholes down every road. Be true to yourself. Be faithful to those you love. Be honest with those that you let into your heart.



Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!
I've probably editorialized enough in the questions above. Conversation welcome. ( in thread or PM )
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3 yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS; married to TT, poly male
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #5  
Old 04-27-2012, 06:38 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
The ability to be in love with more than one person at a time, or the fact of being in love with more than one person at a time.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
I'm 27, French, vegetarian, straight and poly.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any?[...] Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
Right now I have one partner, Seamus, who I consider my husband although we aren't married. I also have one interest but as he's Seamus's coworker I am not pursuing it.
I have had as much as two partners (Raga and Seamus) and an interest.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
My ideal poly family is between people who know each other well and get along. People who are all friends even though they're not all involved with everyone.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
I'm mostly out. I don't hide it but it doesn't always come up. I don't tell the cashier at the grocery store that I'm poly, for instance. But it's well-known in the various forums I participate, and to my friends.
I'm satisfied with it, although sometimes I wish it was written on my face so I didn't have to say it when people assume otherwise.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
No, I think they might be better or worse for specific people, but not overall. I think there isn't a "one true way" and that everyone should find the dynamics that works best for them.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
The best thing is the freedom to be open and happy about your feelings towards multiple people at once, and not consider it something that is wrong with you. The worst thing is being such a minority that a) you need to explain what it is constantly and b) it's harder to find partners who are okay with it.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
No. I mean, I have been happy in relationships with just one person, I am right now. But I could never stop myself from falling in love, and knowing that nothing can come out of it, ever, would destroy me.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
I see it as a relationship orientation, so I don't think it's really something to recommend as it might not be the right thing for other people. But I certainly hope to show it's an option through practicing it openly and happily.
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Old 06-15-2012, 02:33 AM
temperance temperance is offline
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Default Fun intro post!

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
Intimately (not necessarily sexually intimate; however, I do mean physically intimate, e.g. hugging, hand-holding, cuddling) loving more than one person.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
Married, poly-curious, mom of two kids, career student.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any?[...] Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
I have one partner, my husband. We would like to become physically (perhaps sexually) intimate with my former lover, who happens to be my husband's best friend.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
At this point, Husband and I are still working out what we want. I'm not opposed to physical (non-sexual) affection with a woman, while he is bi-curious.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
Not yet applicable.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
No. I make no judgments past whether or not it would be right for me when it comes to how others live and love.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
The current appeal is to enjoy the same affectionate freedoms I have with women with a man that is not my husband.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
I am currently very happily monogamous (sexually), so yes.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
Recommend? I don't know. See #6.

I'm cautious about my children and unsure of how much to share. As we are not yet there, it isn't much of a concern.
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Old 04-27-2012, 06:59 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

Polyamory, to me, is the ability to have more than one romantic love simultaneously. It also includes being honest about this.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

Recent college grad, bi, poly but I rarely fall in love. Happy homemaker.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

I have one partner. Keith is my husband. I have had a boyfriend-without-using-labels and a woman that I was interested in but both of us took time to take that step since being married. It didn't work out with the guy though we were highly compatible both personality wise and sexually, we were not relationship compatible. I ended up dating the female interest a few months after I had ended it with the guy which then fizzled when the dynamic changed from purely friends who have amazing sex to "being in a relationship."

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

I don't have an ideal. I really think that having expectations for something makes people miss out on great things. I would love to find additional partner(s) who could be incorporated into my household (I love big families).

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

Some of the time... I'm pretty out with new people since I no longer live in my home state. My sister kind of knows - we've never explicitly talked about it, but she spent a LOT of time with me and my ex gf and has made poly comments, so she knows. lol

I would love to be able to tell everyone, but I really don't see the point in dealing with it until/unless I have a person that I want to bring home to the family. Both my family and my husband's won't approve (at least at first), so.. Yeah. It works.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

I don't. If it works for you, it's the best way for you. I generally don't like hierarchy, but as long as it is practical hierarchy ("X is my primary because we live together and have kids. Y is my secondary because we only see each other 3 days a week.") and not emotional hierarchy ("I am married to X, so I love him more. Y is my secondary and if X ever feels threatened by my relationship with Y, I will drop Y immediately."), I think it's a great way to explain various relationship levels.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

Best - Not having to be afraid to feel natural emotions and let things progress organically.
Worst - The social stigma and the idea that many have that because someone identifies as poly he/she is looking to sleep with many people very soon.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

Yep. I rarely feel like I could fall in love with other people. I've only felt true, romantic love for 2 people in my 22 years. One was in middle/high school, the other is my husband. I've felt the "like like" feeling more often, but it rarely leads to love.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

I don't think I would necessarily recommend it unless I see signs that it would be a good fit for someone. I would definitely educate people so they can make informed choices. If I end up having a kid, he/she will definitely know that monogamy is not the only option.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!

I have a hard time with labeling myself as poly. I know I would be/am capable of loving more than one person at a time, but I honestly don't think it is likely to ever actually occur. I like the general premise, though, so I use the label so that people who haven't heard of it will think about it.
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Old 04-27-2012, 10:10 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is online now
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What fun! I'm going to do this and then go off on holiday.

1) For me, it's about having multiple emotionally close, committed relationships with other individuals.

2) Late 30s, generally happy, very independent, a bit of an internet addict. I don't ID as poly.

3) I have I think just now 4 in my life that I would describe as partners.

I have C1 - we have a committed, non-sexual loving relationship. C1 and I have been together for 10 years and thinking about my life without him scares me. He has changed and shaped me as a person. Being with him has helped me grow and learn in ways I couldn't have imagined without him being in my life. C1 and I live together.

I have C2 - also live with him in a committed non-sexual loving relationship. Less intense and more fun than the relationship I have with C1. C2 and I share early morning joy. He makes me smile lots.

I have E - we have been close for over 20 years. It's a non-sexual loving relationship. E is vital to my well-being. She knows everything about me and still loves me. I turn to her for help any time there is a problem and she's always there. She's also fun and I adore spending time with her.

E and I have different lives now, don't spend so much time together but we still love each other and make the effort to see each other when we can. E has never met C1 or C2 and E and I do all of our socialising away from my home.

E and I were not close for a few years. My very monogamous ex was threatened by the friendship, frequently rude to E and in the end, it became easier not to see much of her. It was some time after my ex and I split that we became close again.

I have G. He and I have a loving, sexual relationship which has been going on for about 18 months. It's moved beyond friendship and is now something that I would be deeply hurt to lose. G spends lots of time with C1 and C2 and they adore him. He also spends lots of time in my home. G and E are also friendly - they've known each other for years but their lifestyles differ to an extent that means they don't often see each other. G and I are sometimes limited in the time we can spend together because of C1 and C2's importance in my life and he's very supportive of that.


4) No. I think I'd have to be in a relationship before I could tell what sort of configuration might be okay for that relationship.

5) Yes. I'm clear and open with people about how I see love, sex and romance.

6) No. It depends on the people involved.

7) I think for me, it's being free to have more than one love. And to talk about them in those terms. Worst thing by far is the lack of freedom. The more loves, the less freedom I feel I have. Taking into account the needs of my loves means less ability to just do whatever I want.

8) I can see myself happily only being sexual with one person (I am at the moment - although that may change in the future). But I couldn't ever see myself being happy only being able to have one love.

9) No. I reckon it's up to people to decide what to do themselves not for me to go around recommending my views to them. I won't have children so no real need to consider them.

Thanks for this. Interesting and helped me clarify some of my thoughts about it all.

IP
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Old 04-28-2012, 03:55 AM
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Xared Xared is offline
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1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

The state of or ability to love more than one person at a time and be completely honest about it. Usually, but not necessarily, focusing on romantic love. (You said one sentence and I did it in two. I kept it as short as possible; I'd prefer a paragraph or two.)

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

Male, straight. Late 20's. College student. When I grow up, I want to be a relationship counselor so I'm studying psychology. And yes, I do identify as poly.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

It depends on what a "partner/lover" is, exactly. As far as a "typical" girlfriend, I do not currently have one of those. My relationships have been more ambiguous as of late.

The one girl, who I have referred to as Rachael here, I met during Spring Break last year. It started out as casual sex, and we started to become friends over the week I spent with her. We've since fallen in love with each other, but we haven't made any agreements about being more than friends. It's long-distance, I haven't seen her since the week we spent together over a year ago, but we talk fairly frequently. She's making plans to visit me in a few months, which I'm happy about because I really miss her.

There's another girl where things are even less clear. I haven't talked about her before, so I haven't given her a pseudonym yet. Hmm... I'll call her "Michelle." "Romantic but not sexual" may apply, or maybe "loving but not romantic or sexual." We're still figuring that out. Her and I have mutual friends on Facebook, and she thought I seemed interesting from the comments I leave on people's posts. I met her last summer when I was in the mood for a spontaneous 9-hour drive, which she agreed to, surprisingly. I spent a few days with her and never got along with someone so well. She's not too thrilled about the polyamory thing but she's trying to be open-minded about it. She said something like "The idea appeals to me, but it's going to take a long time before I know if it's something I can do, and to get used to it."

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

I used to think a quad sounded like fun, but I've since decided that "I want to be in a quad" isn't a good enough reason to do it. I really have no preference; and prefer to let relationships form naturally than try to force them into specific formats. Hence the ambiguity in question 3.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

I'm pretty open about who I am in general. Most of my friends and family know that I'm polyamorous. Usually, I mention it when it makes sense in conversations.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

In an objective sense, no. It depends on the individuals involved and what they want for themselves. I try to find a balance between what works for me and what works for those I'm involved with.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

Best: Problems in relationships seem more evident with poly, and it's easier to identify and then deal with them. Also, poly necessitates more open communication. In my experience, it's much easier to ignore problems in mono relationships. I've had a saying recently: "With monogamy, communication is the difference between a good relationship and a bad one. With polyamory, communication is the difference between good relationships and complete fucking disaster."

Worst: Most people are mono. Also, the women I date seem to have pretty horrible taste in men (I like to think I'm the exception, but I'm not an unbiased source on the subject), and it always seems like there's an ex-boyfriend/husband, metamour, or someone with a crush trying to undermine my relationships.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

I wouldn't say it's impossible. However, if I am ever happily monogamous, it will most likely be a result of circumstance rather than a conscious decision. I like to remain open to all possibilities.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

If I think poly would suit them. It's not for everyone, but most like is for may more people than have thought about or experienced it. I'm all about helping people on the road to self-discovery.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!

Well... um... I've got nothing.
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Old 04-29-2012, 03:11 PM
insanity insanity is offline
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1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

For me it is the ability to love more than one (personaly for me, I can be totally satisfied with one man and one woman) without secrets, with understanding, no lying and all that..

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
I am poly, bi sexual, weird, crazy, I hate mainstream, love cats..

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?


Primary boyfriend we are about to get married and a girl.. for now he asked not to give it names, but it feels like she is my girlfriend.. touchy subject *_*

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

I have a a friend (girl) who has a husband and a girlfriend and they all live together happily ever after. wish it was like that for me..


5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

I wish I was more out, boyfriend isn't ready..

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

I really don't care.. whatever works for people..

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

Worst is my boyfriend having problems understanding, best that they all complete me..


8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

No.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

If someone asked me about it I would say go for it, if I had a kid the same as long as they are happy.
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