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Old 04-20-2012, 06:49 PM
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bemorehappy bemorehappy is offline
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Question they say their OK but their action seem to say something else

OK were new to this. I came out to my husband about 6 months ago that I was having feelings for another man. He was taken by surprise I think as I was with his reaction to the news. Anyway, fast forward. He now says he is OK with it,and that we're still good too. As a couple that is.but when I go to see my fwb he gets Moody and changes the way he acts towards me. Which really makes me feel guilty. Which I don't think I should be made to feel this way every time I leave the house.
So my question is what can I do to help him feel more secure?
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Old 04-20-2012, 07:00 PM
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bemorehappy bemorehappy is offline
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have assured him that I am not going anywhere, and I try to give him lots of attention. but I just don't know what else to do. I am suppose to go out tonight with my friend and I really want to be able to do it with is full blessing and not be made to feel guilty. when his mouth says one thing but his body language says something else.
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Old 04-20-2012, 08:32 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Is your husband looking for other romantic partners yet?

Why the full blessing ...how about a half blessing and work toward full.

There might be nothing that you can ever say or do to stop his dislike for this. One of those lets see what happens ...if it don't kill ya it makes you stronger type thing.
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Old 04-20-2012, 09:07 PM
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bemorehappy bemorehappy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Is your husband looking for other romantic partners yet?

Why the full blessing ...how about a half blessing and work toward full.

There might be nothing that you can ever say or do to stop his dislike for this. One of those lets see what happens ...if it don't kill ya it makes you stronger type thing.
I guess a half a blessing is what I have. And no I don't think he is looking for anyone yet, or not that he had shared with me. Thanks for your in put. I guess I should just be glad for the verbal okay. And start from there.
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Old 04-20-2012, 11:06 PM
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I assume you and your FWB are sexually involved, so when you go to see him, your husband knows that sex is happening.

Did you just start having sex with the FWB after telling your husband you are poly, or did you and your husband sit down and negotiate boundaries and how to proceed? Did you ask what hubby would be comfortable with and offer to take things slowly so he could get used to this change in the dynamic of your relationship? Start out with hand-holding and kisses before jumping into bed with the FWB, and talk with your husband about how it affects him each step of the way?

Six months is a fairly short time to go from announcing you are poly to overnights with a FWB. I wonder if the moodiness or difficulties he is having might be due to his feeling like his needs aren't being considered. Also, I don't know anything about your financial situation, but some guys, if they are the main breadwinner, develop resentment if they feel they are just paying for their wife to go on dates with someone else. Did you two address how you would pay for your expenses of going out with this guy, and anything related to it (lingerie, travel, presents, condoms, birth control, sex toys, etc.)?

Are you also making sure to have a date night with your husband every week so that he doesn't feel like he's stuck with just ordinary sharing the household responsibilities?
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Old 04-21-2012, 03:59 PM
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yes FWB and I are Sexually involved. but no sex does not take place every time were together,as we are usually around other people.

Well, this started sorta differently than anything I've read here yet. my FWB and I have know each other for like forever, since childhood and he is poly and married (though he does not care for lables I think). Anyhow, we had just started talking a lot about a year ago and conversations were very flirty and suggestive. I shared this with my husband because, I did not want to hide this from him, and he got really excited. said he was ok it and even turned on by it. So that is how this started. after months of this I redeveloped feelings for my friend and that is when I started to look and found out about polyamory, which just made so much since to me and how my thought process has always worked.

I have talked to my hubby and asked what he is comfortable with and what is allowed and not so to say. He says just do what ever makes me happy, but then I feel like Im only being dismissed so he wont have to really talk about it.

I don't think the financial situation takes any place here as when I do stuff with my friend either he pays or it's free. plus My husband and I both work. matter of fact I work 2 jobs just trying to survive. times are hard. and no hubby and I do not have a date night out side of the house very often but he get's my attention all the time.

Thanks for your input Cindie you brought up some good things. and he also reads here some. so maybe this will start a conversation with him .
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