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Old 04-18-2012, 01:03 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Default How long does NRE last?

It's been a roller coast year since I got to know, fell in love with, and worked out boundaries (with my mono husband) for my relationship with C, and I've been very much looking forward to the end of our NRE so things can start to feel steady and peaceful. At long last I feel like I am there, but he seems to have more stars in his eyes now than ever. How long do people tend to experience this new relationship phase? Ours is long distance and I think that's why it is taking so long. Have other people experienced moving out of it before (or after) their partner?

Partly I'm bothered because I can't offer as much as he wants in a partner, and I feel like he will never find anyone else while he's this smitten with me. (He doesn't think it's a problem.) Partly it feels uneven now, when I am finally in a place where I am content to enjoy him when he is with me and not worry about it when we are apart, and he's starting to use words like "yearning" for the first time. Lately I've been sick and moody and gaining weight and we've been trying to spend less time interacting on a sexual level, all of which you'd think might bring him down to earth, but no. Do I just have to keep waiting?
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Old 04-18-2012, 02:04 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I keep hearing 6-18 months, but I did have it with my first husband most of the time for the first decade so...I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:16 AM
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Alleycat Alleycat is offline
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Think I'm missing a point here somewhere.
For me NRE is the high one gets from being with another person, it's the most intense and exciting phase of the relationship.

Why not enjoy it or try to prolong it?
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Old 04-18-2012, 10:39 AM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alleycat View Post
Think I'm missing a point here somewhere.
For me NRE is the high one gets from being with another person, it's the most intense and exciting phase of the relationship.

Why not enjoy it or try to prolong it?
I can't answer for the OP. However, to me NRE was fun and scary... I was taking risks... driving, working and such. I was distracted with feelings... intense feelings. It really is like a drug.

I enjoyed the feelings.. but was also very aware of the damage it was doing.. at work, and to my friends.

For us, the NRE is subtle. We've been dating for 18 months, living together for 11 and 9 months.

In July of last year, I wrote this in my blog:
"I stunned my boyfriend by recently saying the NRE (New Relationship Energy) is wearing off.. He seemed surprised that I was happy with the decrease in NRE.

I like it-- too much. I can see how people keep wanting more and more. The NRE made me giddy, and a bit careless. I was forgetting items on my shopping list, and forgetting to buy groceries completely. At work, I'd get lost in daydreams about my lovers. I felt bullet proof... I could accomplish anything, and was lost in my own life.

I don't remember the NRE the last time.. it was over 20 years ago. This is a new feeling, and quite shocking to me.. So I'm glad it has died into a warm bed of embers. With NRE, I didn't see any flaws in my lovers. Recently I've seen the flaws... and still love them.

So I'm glad to get my responsible, adult life back. The sexual energy remains, and regenerates me. The NRE is not a major distraction. I still tingle when we touch, I still smile when I think of my couple. But I'm glad the responsible, logical functions are back online. I'm looking forward to the growth of ORE... you know, Old Relationship Energy."
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Old 04-18-2012, 04:51 PM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Yes, clairegoad puts it well. I want us seeing each other for who we are, flaws and all, and I don't want giddiness being a drug-like distraction. This is especially important to me because this is my first significant extramarital relationship and it's been a tough adjustment for my husband of 13 years, so I don't like being all caught up in excitement over C at the expense of my marriage. I am feeling more balanced in my life now as I come out of it. Without NRE goggles on now I'm almost feeling annoyed when C treats me like every little thing I say or do is wonderful and all my bad habits are cute, so I really want him to come down to earth with me!
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Old 04-18-2012, 05:32 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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AC, why harsh C's NRE buzz? He'll settle into a less intense frame of mind eventually. As long as you are aware of the pitfalls and he is willing to talk about pitfalls if needed, let the guy enjoy you and NRE until he moves out of it on his own. I understand you want more stability and rationality especially as this has been hard on your spouse. But, I dunno, edging into 'be careful what you wish for, you might get it' territory.
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