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Old 04-04-2012, 11:36 PM
yul yul is offline
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Default Is it actually possible to pickup mono girls off the street without being creepy?

Hello,

simple question...hard answer?

I usually have no problems whatsoever picking up girls when I am single. I have actually studied the question quite in depth and have always had great results...but now I am in a relationship.

There is this girl I am very interested in...she works in a place near my house.

We exchange glances every now and then but I have absolutely no clue how to go about meeting her and then having to explain I have a GF.

With all due respect, my GF is just getting comfortable with the idea of having a flexible relationship so I also don't want to go to hard on her also with my far fetched adventures.

Yet, I am genuinely curious about this other girl.

I would want to introduce myself but would also not want to come in as a typical flirt or anything like that...but it's not easy to go up to someone and not look like a flirt..

Any ideas please? Thanks!!!
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  #2  
Old 04-05-2012, 03:23 AM
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DevotedGeek DevotedGeek is offline
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For me, if I'm interested in someone that I know personally, then I've had good experience telling her openly about my feelings and situation. Worst case, she's flattered and we become/remain close friends. However, I don't have experience doing this with a relative stranger that doesn't know me already. In fact, I'm specifically interested in someone in my neighborhood, but I don't dare approach her because I don't know how she'll react, and I don't want to risk creating an issue in the neighborhood. (We still have to live there, after-all.) If we end up hanging out together and becoming friends, then I'll likely open up to her at that time, but otherwise I'm playing it safe because the stakes are too high.

Along that vein, I'd suggest talking with your GF about this, particularly if you haven't dated anyone else during your relationship with her, even if you don't pursue the other woman. That way, you can get a better understanding any concerns or needs she may have in order to feel comfortable with polyamory in general, and work together to address those needs prior to you ripping off the bandaid, so to speak.

I'd be prepared to go slow and focus on building a solid relationship with your GF first. If the two of you are fairly new together, then it may be difficult to build a solid foundation together while seeing other people as well, again depending very much on her specific needs.

If you're GF is ultimately comfortable with it, then I'd start by trying to become friends with the other woman, if possible. And if that's just not practical, but you feel the sparks, then I guess I'd invite her out after work to somewhere simple where you can talk, get to know each other a little, and open up to her.

I'm curious to know what advise everyone else has... I could use it myself as well.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:28 AM
Anastasia Anastasia is offline
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I don't know if this experience will help but here it is:

Before I ever became interested and more exposed and open minded to the idea of polyamorous relationships, a good looking man with approached me at a party (friend of a friend). I was happy to spend the night talking and dancing with him. He was very charming and good looking. Finally, near the end of the night, he told me that he had a girlfriend but that it was ok because he was in an open relationship and he wanted to kiss me. I gave him the cold shoulder right away and felt that he was a sleaze ball. He showed me a picture of his girlfriend on the phone and tried to explain that it was ok with her if he saw other women. I completely didn't understand and asked him why. His answer was, "so i can kiss pretty girls like you". The visceral response i had was completely negative. THough i appreciated his honesty i felt fooled. I didnt feel that our connection was special anymore and assumed he wanted to 'use me for sex' (which is possible lol).

Anyways, the point is, if the same person had done the same with me today (like 5 years later), i probably would ask more questions about his intentions and be more open to it. But since it was completely new to me i took the whole thing as an insult and got defensive and lost trust in him because i didnt get it.

If you are really interested in this girl, i would be cautious. even some of my own girlfriends still think I am psychologically unhealthy for being open to polyamorous relationships. Some people have strong feelings against it in the context of their current views, experience and exposure. I would agree forming some sort of trust and also learning more about her relationship experience and views may help you better determine how to approach the subject. If how you put the moves on her is purely sexual by what you say and do on top of already having a girlfriend, she may get insulted or very suspicious. focus on communicating something genuine.
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Old 04-10-2012, 10:27 PM
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Olivier Olivier is offline
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I think you're looking at it from the wrong angle. If you meet someone new are you instantly monogamous with her? The answer usually is No. During the time your relationship evolves and you had sex together several times, I think you can make it clear to her that you are not ready for a long term relationship, but just want to keep it open for now. This is much easier, and pretty much what most people do - polyamourous or not.
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Old 04-10-2012, 10:53 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Olivier View Post
I think you're looking at it from the wrong angle. If you meet someone new are you instantly monogamous with her? The answer usually is No. During the time your relationship evolves and you had sex together several times, I think you can make it clear to her that you are not ready for a long term relationship, but just want to keep it open for now. This is much easier, and pretty much what most people do - polyamourous or not.
I disagree. I think if you already have a partner, you should mention it before you have sex. When you have several sexual partners, they're indirectly having sex with one another and they deserve to know the risk before they agree to it.
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Old 04-10-2012, 11:46 PM
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Olivier Olivier is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I disagree. I think if you already have a partner, you should mention it before you have sex. When you have several sexual partners, they're indirectly having sex with one another and they deserve to know the risk before they agree to it.
Depending where you live, it's pretty common not to mention any partners you already have when you are dating someone for the first time. Only once the relationship becomes established you start setting the terms. In regards to sex: Practice safe sex.
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